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Thread: Boyfriend slept with sister before I met him

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Gch
    Hi all, I would love some advice on a tricky situation. My sister slept with my current boyfriend a few years before I even met him. They were both drunk and it only happened once. I knew it had happened when I met him, him and I became friends and a couple of years later we got together. We have now been together 3yrs. For some reason it didnít bother me at the beginning. I liked him so much that I guess I ignored it. As we are becoming more and more serious and things like marriage and babies start to become a possibility for us, it has started becoming a major issue for me. I find it really awkward them being together, especially at family gatherings, although they donít find it awkward at all. The longer Iím with him and the more serious we get the more I build it up in my head. I just hate the fact that they have shared something so intimate. I just donít know how to get over it. He treats me amazingly and is always showing me how much he loves me so I donít doubt him for a second. Houw do I get over it and accept it was something that happened a long time ago. Please help!
    You know it was a one-off drunken thing and it happened several years before he even met you, so no boundaries were crossed and no trust was broken. They don't find it awkward because it's ancient history and it never meant anything to them in the first place. I can fully understand that it weirds you out, but it sounds to me like neither your sister nor partner have given you any reason to believe anything would happen between them again.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Break up with him. There is no other solution since three years on you still have issues even though it was an informed choice. The past cannot be undone so stop wasting his time. You shouldn't have got with him in the first place.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Lol, you can't get involved with your sister's ex. What were you thinking? There will always be jealousy there. It's damaging to all the relationships - it could especially be damaging to your relationship with your sister. You are already seeing that now. Men will come and go but blood sisters are forever.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How old are he and your sister? It sounds like you took the blinders off your real feelings about it now that the novelty of dating him has slowed down.
    Originally Posted by Gch
    My sister slept with my current boyfriend a few years before I even met him. I liked him so much that I guess I ignored it. I find it really awkward them being together, especially at family gatherings, although they donít find it awkward at all.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yikes, talk about keeping it in the family.

    That would be ick to sit around a family social or dinner and know that your boyfriend had both you and your sister.

    Why date him if he knew? That would be an easy 'no way' for most women.

  7. #16

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    No because she doesnít know how much I think about it. In her eyes itís something silly that happened ages ago. Iím very close to her and donít want it to ruin my relationship with her, and I want her to be good friends with him because I plan to be with him forever.

  8. #17

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    Thank you, yours has been the reply I most identify with. Thank you for being so optimistic. Itís true they havent even thought about it since itís happened so itís purely my problem. Iím not looking for a way out, I have never felt this way about anyone. Iím in it forever. And I donít want to ruin my relationship with my sister because that is very special to me.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gch
    Thank you, yours has been the reply I most identify with. Thank you for being so optimistic. Itís true they havent even thought about it since itís happened so itís purely my problem. Iím not looking for a way out, I have never felt this way about anyone. Iím in it forever. And I donít want to ruin my relationship with my sister because that is very special to me.
    I assume you are thanking the post quoted below, GCH:

    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    You know it was a one-off drunken thing and it happened several years before he even met you, so no boundaries were crossed and no trust was broken. They don't find it awkward because it's ancient history and it never meant anything to them in the first place. I can fully understand that it weirds you out, but it sounds to me like neither your sister nor partner have given you any reason to believe anything would happen between them again.
    ... and I agree with it.

    Now, that being said:
    If you are having trouble getting past something that can't be changed and in which there is zero indication you should be worrying about it then don't be afraid to hook yourself up with a therapist to help you talk yourself out of your retro active jealousy or fears. You love him, I assume he loves you as well and it isn't even a blip on your sister's radar so chillax and enjoy your relationship and immediately change any thoughts of the past to something more positive and happy.

    You'll be fine if you deem it. ;)

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    On the other hand...there are those of us who agree with you that marrying a man who slept with both you and your sister, is not the best choice.

  11. #20
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    I understand how you feel, what I don't get is why these feelings are popping up after three years?

    Another poster mentioned the "honeymoon" period.

    I realize many of us wear those proverbial blinders during that period, but three years? That's a long honeymoon period, imo.

    I mean, you must have seen them together, interacting, during family events and such within that three year period, and it never bothered you.

    So what's the deal? Why now after three years is this suddenly bothering you?

    I'm wondering if there's something deeper going on causing you to suddenly focus on this (after three years of not bothering you) rather than avoid the real issue, either in your relationship or within yourself.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-17-2019 at 10:23 AM.

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