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Is he only interested in sex?


askadvice96

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Went on a second date with this guy where we just chilled and got to know one another more, didn’t even kiss or cuddle until the end.. He text me shortly after and we arranged to go on another date but in one of his texts, he told me he “got hard” several times throughout the evening. During the date, he didn’t act on it and tried to cover it up by moving position so I hadn’t noticed until he told me. So far we seem to have a lot in common and there is definitely chemistry between us.

 

I just wondered, because he brought it up, is he only interested in sex and trying to guide the conversation that way? He hasn’t necessarily done or said anything else to suggest so but I’m just very insecure and don’t want to be falling for someone who only wants one thing.

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it sounds like he is pushing for the 3 dates rule i.e. sex on the third date. Imo, his behaviour is indeed inappropriate and a bad sign. "Talking dirty" to someone you don't have that kind of rapport with, without considering whether that will make them uncomfortable is rude and selfish. Imo, his behaviour leans towards coercive and is a red flag.

 

P.S. If you were chilling in your or his house so soon, you might have accidentally sent out the wrong message. Regardless, his texts were still a sleazy move.

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Where did this second date take place? Make sure all your early dates are in public places. Never make a first, second or third date a netflix and chill situation. Be proactive in choosing the venue and dates and do not do in-home dates until much later. It's your job not to be steered into a hard-on/ overly sexual conversation or situation.

 

You can determine "a lot in common and there is definitely chemistry" from having a few dates and kissing/hugging at the end of the date, if it feels right. If there are early sexts and you don't want that decline further dates and move on.

Went on a second date with this guy where we just chilled and got to know one another more, didn’t even kiss or cuddle until the end.
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If you were at his house for a second "date", you definitely gave the message that sex was potentially on the table. I would cut this guy loose if that isn't your style and next time set the precedent of going on dates in public.

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He was letting out his fishing line to see if you would bite at the 'bait.' Its a way to gauge how willing you are going to be to sex within the next date.

 

How did you respond to his lame game?

 

I agree with this^, he was testing your boundaries.

 

Does not mean sex is "all" he wants, it would be impossible to even know that until you both spend more time together.

 

But for now, yes he is attracted to you and as such, wants sex. And testing you.

 

If you're not ready for sex just now, maintain your boundaries and suggest dates outside the house.

 

And to echo TwT's question, how did you respond?

 

Yeah his comment was a bit lame, but I've heard much worse!

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What is he, 12?

 

It's your job not to be steered into a hard-on/ overly sexual conversation or situation.

 

You don't need to walk through landmines. Forget trying to steer out of that curve. He just showed you what he's all about.

 

Advice from grandma: "The problem isn't that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you don't respect yourself enough to avoid picking up the snake to play with it."

 

I'd just stop taking his calls or messages and move on to date someone with common sense.

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