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He Rejected Me - I Still Want Friendship


ConfusedLady21

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Okay, okay, hear me out.

 

I wrote about him once before on here. He's the sexy, confident ambitious man that I've been swooning over for the last few months. I haven't been dating in a while, so unfortunately I made all of the novice mistakes with this one. I was too available. I overly flirted and complimented. I realize that those things are all turn offs. I got anxious and got shut down when I tried to push for him to solidify a date and time with me for the third date. (Note to self, NEVER ask for a date). He had just said that he wanted to see each other more the week before...

 

Anyways, I'm a week into no contact after the rejection. Yes it STUNG, quite a bit. I actually cried a little (more than a little). But during this time, I've been analyzing the situation, on things we both did wrong, things I should've done different. After a week, here's how I'm feeling now:

 

Truth is, he's a Romeo, and I am not the only girl that was swooning over him. I can't allow myself to put myself out there, my heart is now guarded after realizing this. With knowing that, realistically, as much as I wanted, I am not the girl for him... but I can't deny that I have learned more about entrepreneurship, money management, and life management from this man within a span a few months. When I was with my ex, we were idle, I learned nothing. Not that there's anything wrong with that. My ex was sweet, but I am trying to grow and I love surrounding myself with people trying to do the same. I can't help to be attracted to a handsome man with smarts.

I still very much want to be his friend. I don't care if I never see him again, but chatting was so nice and I miss it actually. I'm thinking I will wait another week before contacting him. I want to have a friendship with everything clarified. Meaning I don't want to flirt, fool me twice shame on me. I want him to know that I am accepting of the fact that he is a lover of ladies and will continue to flirt. I want him to know I am accepting for who he is, a sexual male with a lot of fire in him still.

Where do I even begin? Please, any tips will help.

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I have no advice that I think you would take or even appreciate.

 

Trying to be platonic friends with a man that you are still very much crushing on is a recipe for disaster for too many (most?) people. If you are as naive as you appear (or a novice at dating if you will) then you will end up a friend with benefits or just feeling neglected and emotionally shredded because he doesn't give you enough of himself.

 

Please keep yourself emotionally safe and just keep zero contact which will get you to the stage of indifference to him much quicker than you think.

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So you'll be fine hearing about his dates with other women? What if he gets into a committed relationship with some other woman, would that hurt?

 

Agree...I couldn’t handle that..can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for..I’ve been there and it sucks!

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So you'll be fine hearing about his dates with other women? What if he gets into a committed relationship with some other woman, would that hurt?

 

I thought about that too. During this week of no contact, I'm beginning to feel that "obsession" dwindle.. What helped me was realizing his game and his manipulative advances to get a piece. If he wants to speak openly about other women, I already know about them, so sure. I know it takes being emotionally intelligent to process that I am not his pick and be okay with that. I am willing to put myself to the test, I think I would be okay.

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You could contact him and see where it gets you. If he's receptive to a platonic friendship with you, then great. However, don't be surprised if he isn't interested, drifts apart and fades away. Hopefully, you can take a hint and get the message before he ghosts or blocks you. Tread lightly.

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I have no advice that I think you would take or even appreciate.

 

Trying to be platonic friends with a man that you are still very much crushing on is a recipe for disaster for too many (most?) people. If you are as naive as you appear (or a novice at dating if you will) then you will end up a friend with benefits or just feeling neglected and emotionally shredded because he doesn't give you enough of himself.

 

Please keep yourself emotionally safe and just keep zero contact which will get you to the stage of indifference to him much quicker than you think.

 

I definitely can't do Friends W Benefits. I felt crazy without him even touching me.

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I thought about that too. During this week of no contact, I'm beginning to feel that "obsession" dwindle.. What helped me was realizing his game and his manipulative advances to get a piece. If he wants to speak openly about other women, I already know about them, so sure. I know it takes being emotionally intelligent to process that I am not his pick and be okay with that. I am willing to put myself to the test, I think I would be okay.

 

He Sounds kind of manipulative and perhaps narcissistic..

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There is nothing you should have done different.

If you had behaved differently you might have got another few months of nothingness and still end up where you are now.

 

He doesn’t care for friendship , only fwb’s.

He did the right thing by walking away knowing you are incapable of either given your feelings for him.

 

Don’t reach out. Stop the self torture. Reach out to friends instead.

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OP, I don't mean for this to come out as harsh or nasty, but dare I say that when reading your posts it all comes across as major desperation and is quite cringy (sorry). After being rejected and saying you have learned that he is a player, a Romeo and also manipulative .... you still want to go ahead and throw yourself at his feet pleading friendship? Really? Trust me, this is exactly how it will come across to HIM, a desperate pathetic woman going after him. It's all very off-putting.

 

Please, keep your dignity in tact and just learn to accept that this one didn't work out and move on to someone who IS interested in you.

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You could contact him and see where it gets you. If he's receptive to a platonic friendship with you, then great. However, don't be surprised if he isn't interested, drifts apart and fades away. Hopefully, you can take a hint and get the message before he ghosts or blocks you. Tread lightly.

 

I warned myself of this as well. This very thought made me second guess if I should even contact him.. but it wasn't until I saw him viewing my facebook story, that maybe I should just say hello. We got one life, I wont know until I ask.

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He Sounds kind of manipulative and perhaps narcissistic..

 

Not saying that he isn't manipulative. He definitely was and I was too lost into the fog of lust/ wanting him that I either dismissed it or didn't even notice at first. Now I see it. But you take the good with the bad. He was awesome to talk to. I don't even want to talk every day. Just a hey every now and again would be cool..

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There is nothing you should have done different.

If you had behaved differently you might have got another few months of nothingness and still end up where you are now.

 

He doesn’t care for friendship , only fwb’s.

He did the right thing by walking away knowing you are incapable of either given your feelings for him.

 

Don’t reach out. Stop the self torture. Reach out to friends instead.

 

 

What makes you so sure of this? Is this coming from a male's perspective?

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OP, I don't mean for this to come out as harsh or nasty, but dare I say that when reading your posts it all comes across as major desperation and is quite cringy (sorry). After being rejected and saying you have learned that he is a player, a Romeo and also manipulative .... you still want to go ahead and throw yourself at his feet pleading friendship? Really? Trust me, this is exactly how it will come across to HIM, a desperate pathetic woman going after him. It's all very off-putting.

 

Please, keep your dignity in tact and just learn to accept that this one didn't work out and move on to someone who IS interested in you.

 

You're entitled to your thoughts and opinions. But as a moderator, I am surprised that you do not use a more empathetic approach considering the majority of us on here are heart broken/ dealing with matters of the heart. That's not something to be nasty about despite your disclaimer.

Yes, I wanted to be friends because I haven't been THIS excited about a man since my first love. Maybe I got excited by the lovely fake words he said.. but you cannot fake intelligence.

I want to associate with intelligent people who are light years ahead of me. He sent me so much information, I liked that. He helped me out and inspired me so much. I enjoyed that. THAT'S why I want to be his friend, not because I think I have a chance with him. Cut a girl some slack

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OP, I don't mean for this to come out as harsh or nasty, but dare I say that when reading your posts it all comes across as major desperation and is quite cringy (sorry). After being rejected and saying you have learned that he is a player, a Romeo and also manipulative .... you still want to go ahead and throw yourself at his feet pleading friendship? Really? Trust me, this is exactly how it will come across to HIM, a desperate pathetic woman going after him. It's all very off-putting.

 

Please, keep your dignity in tact and just learn to accept that this one didn't work out and move on to someone who IS interested in you.

 

This!

 

Cut and paste to your fridge and read every morn, it's 100% spot on.

 

EDIT: I just read your response. Capricorn's post was no where near "nasty." It was honest, true and needed to be said.

 

Proceed at your own risk. I see nothing positive about it, but it's your journey, your life.

 

And ultimately your mistakes to make and hopefully learn from.

 

So best of luck.

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I thought about that too. During this week of no contact, I'm beginning to feel that "obsession" dwindle.. What helped me was realizing his game and his manipulative advances to get a piece. If he wants to speak openly about other women, I already know about them, so sure. I know it takes being emotionally intelligent to process that I am not his pick and be okay with that. I am willing to put myself to the test, I think I would be okay.

 

Don't you have friends you can talk to? Why would you want to be 'friends' with someone you say is manipulative?

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You're entitled to your thoughts and opinions. But as a moderator, I am surprised that you do not use a more empathetic approach considering the majority of us on here are heart broken/ dealing with matters of the heart. That's not something to be nasty about despite your disclaimer.

Yes, I wanted to be friends because I haven't been THIS excited about a man since my first love. Maybe I got excited by the lovely fake words he said.. but you cannot fake intelligence.

I want to associate with intelligent people who are light years ahead of me. He sent me so much information, I liked that. He helped me out and inspired me so much. I enjoyed that. THAT'S why I want to be his friend, not because I think I have a chance with him. Cut a girl some slack

 

Capricorn is spot on! She is trying to knock some sense into you. I would even go as far as suggesting therapy. If we can smell the desperation, he certainly can. You saw the guy twice. You need to get this in perspective.

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Sheesh, tough crowd. Yes I am a bit of a loner figuring things out. The friends in my circle isn't as advanced. I am trying to get myself into a stronger crowd by studying daily and becoming strong myself. He inspired me, he helped me. I'm not attached I just way to say hi from time to time. How is that bad? I don't write about people who don't make a strong impression on me. I've been with men I don't care for and you guys don't know about them

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I think you should focus on expanding your friend circle. Check out volunteering, Meetups, New hobbies, classes, outdoor activity clubs, anything. If you had a fuller life, you would not get so overly involved with strangers.

 

Expand your education and go back to school.

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I think you should focus on expanding your friend circle. Check out volunteering, Meetups, New hobbies, classes, outdoor activity clubs, anything. If you had a fuller life, you would not get so overly involved with strangers.

 

Expand your education and go back to school.

 

I'm in school. I am volunteering my weekends to help out to feed the homeless. I have been in countless networking events. I educate myself, listening to self help audios, I read self help daily. I am making proactive steps daily to focus on myself and build myself and my life. I am not screwing off my life, I take it very seriously, but I also have limited education on love and relationship building. Just because I expose my vulnerabilities here and express how I feel about certain people does not make me a clueless idiot. Please give me a little more credit than that. Everyone always assume the worst.

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No one said you are an idiot. We simply do not understand why you would want to continue any sort of relationship with someone you deem "manipulative," and who you barely know? What a waste of time. You should focus on meeting better people.

 

You cannot be friends with someone if there are feelings. I am concerned that you were crying over someone that you went on two coffee dates with.

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