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Thread: He Rejected Me - I Still Want Friendship

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    You guys, He totally is a player. Reason being is because he had no intentions on getting serious with me, but he talked to me about changing my name and putting a rock on my finger. He started using the terms "we" and "us" talking to me about all of the things we would do.. and I honestly felt like that gave me false hope. That was never his intention. His main intention was to get invited over and get me alone. He kept taking a picture of my neighborhood to let me know he was near by.
    Yes I would agree ConfusedLady, he was very much a player.

    He used dishonest methods, fed you a bunch of bs, gave you false hope.

    This is partly your fault too for buying into his bs, you had just met him for goodness sakes, I hope you realize this.

    Next time, when a man says such things upon first meeting you or even before meeting you, or so early in, in one ear and out the other.

    Or better yet, just next him, he's totally playing you.

    Lesson learned.

  2. #52
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Yes I would agree ConfusedLady, he was very much a player.

    He used dishonest methods, fed you a bunch of bs, gave you false hope.

    This is partly your fault too for buying into his bs, you had just met him for goodness sakes, I hope you realize this.

    Next time, when a man says such things upon first meeting you or even before meeting you, or so early in, in one ear and out the other.

    Or better yet, just next him, he's totally playing you.

    Lesson learned.
    Lesson totally learned. If anything that came from this, at least I learned a lot. I want to tell him off... but that would be the opposite of graceful. I think he's just lurking on my page now for a reaction from me

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    You guys, He totally is a player. Reason being is because he had no intentions on getting serious with me, but he talked to me about changing my name and putting a rock on my finger. He started using the terms "we" and "us" talking to me about all of the things we would do.. and I honestly felt like that gave me false hope. That was never his intention. His main intention was to get invited over and get me alone. He kept taking a picture of my neighborhood to let me know he was near by.

    I was reading over some of your comments earlier today. I wasn't able to respond until now. You guys are right. And I owe Capricorn3 an apology. I was acting cringe worthy. I read my last desperate post and I cringed at myself. I get wrapped up in discarding logic and wanting to make excuses to do what I want. You guys are really helping me get passed an obsession. I wanted him so bad, but I am not sure if anything about our interaction was genuine.
    What? He is taking pictures of your neighborhood to show he is around. WHAT?? WHAT?? that's creepy.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Agree with Katrina.

    Honestly? Anyone who is talking rocks on fingers after two coffees is basically announcing that they are emotionally unstable. And, as Katrina said, it requires some emotional instability to take that seriously, whatever their underlying intentions may be.

    If you can take that as a lesson here—a moment in life showing you where you need to shore yourself up a bit—this whole thing amounts to nothing more than an emotional paper cut: two coffees with a creep, a crush that led to you sharpening some tools, adjusting your compass, fine-tuning the radar.

    While the urge to tell him off is understandable, there's no point. With a little time, I think you may see that urge coming from a place where you're as upset with yourself as you are with him. No need to further indulge all that. As the great catfeeder might put it: you'll thank yourself later for just walking away in silence, because in doing that you'll be taking a step toward finding more of your own inner strength than using another person as a gauge for it.

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  6. #55
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    What? He is taking pictures of your neighborhood to show he is around. WHAT?? WHAT?? that's creepy.
    Well, we are in the same stomping grounds (I think), he doesn't live too far from me, and any time he passed my neighborhood, he'd send my a picture that he was near by. At first I thought it was cute, I know he did that to get invited over

  7. #56
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Agree with Katrina.

    Honestly? Anyone who is talking rocks on fingers after two coffees is basically announcing that they are emotionally unstable. And, as Katrina said, it requires some emotional instability to take that seriously, whatever their underlying intentions may be.

    If you can take that as a lesson here—a moment in life showing you where you need to shore yourself up a bit—this whole thing amounts to nothing more than an emotional paper cut: two coffees with a creep, a crush that led to you sharpening some tools, adjusting your compass, fine-tuning the radar.

    While the urge to tell him off is understandable, there's no point. With a little time, I think you may see that urge coming from a place where you're as upset with yourself as you are with him. No need to further indulge all that. As the great catfeeder might put it: you'll thank yourself later for just walking away in silence, because in doing that you'll be taking a step toward finding more of your own inner strength than using another person as a gauge for it.
    Very awesome advice, thank you so much. I felt that way too as I typed out an upset letter yesterday, I never sent it of course. Realistically , it's not that deep.

  8. #57
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    You guys, He totally is a player. Reason being is because he had no intentions on getting serious with me, but he talked to me about changing my name and putting a rock on my finger. He started using the terms "we" and "us" talking to me about all of the things we would do.. and I honestly felt like that gave me false hope. That was never his intention. His main intention was to get invited over and get me alone. He kept taking a picture of my neighborhood to let me know he was near by.

    .
    He's not a player, he's just a liar and jerk and a creepy one at that. Players don't have to say things like that. James Bond would never tell a woman such nonsense... especially after only two meetings. ;)

    I was reading over some of your comments earlier today. I wasn't able to respond until now. You guys are right. And I owe Capricorn3 an apology. I was acting cringe worthy. I read my last desperate post and I cringed at myself. I get wrapped up in discarding logic and wanting to make excuses to do what I want. You guys are really helping me get passed an obsession. I wanted him so bad, but I am not sure if anything about our interaction was genuine
    Kudos for having a light bulb moment.

  9. #58
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    Agreed!
    He is not a player. Players have charisma lol
    This guy is just a weird creepy dude who fails miserably at being a player!

  10. #59
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    Not worth arguing about but got the below def from three different dating and dating advice websites:

    "What is the definition of "player" in a relationship? There are some variations in the definition but the general consensus is that it's a person who does not want to commit but makes his partner believe he does. Players often know just what to say to make dates believe they are ready settle down."

    There are also many articles all over the web on what women should look for to avoid such men.

    However, I suppose we are all free to define how we like, as I said earlier and the definition above states, it's an ambiguous term with different variations.

    Doesn't matter, this guy is a liar and a jerk and OP glad you got rid!!

  11. #60
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    "What is the definition of "player" in a relationship? There are some variations in the definition but the general consensus is that it's a person who does not want to commit but makes his partner believe he does. Players often know just what to say to make dates believe they are ready settle down."

    There are also many articles all over the web on what women should look for to avoid such men.

    However, I suppose we are all free to define how we like, as I said earlier and the definition above states, it's an ambiguous term with different variations.

    Doesn't matter, this guy is a liar and a jerk and OP glad you got rid!!
    Y’all are defining a man the OPer met twice, TWICE!

    One she’s desperate to denegrate because then she can ignore the huge issues she’s dealing with...

    He’s a player, he’s this he’s that...

    He’s not here...

    Can I call anyone who falls for corny lines a sucker?

    I mean no disrespect but if we’re just flinging labels around...

    Who in their right mind would believe someone who said they wanted to marry you after two dates? Right or wrong?

    I can’t remember who brought up this interesting fact it may have been jman, people assume it’s low self esteem that makes people fall for the lies of ‘players’ or ‘cheaters who will never leave their spouses’ but it actually takes a pretty inflated ego to believe someone you’ve met twice wanted to marry you, then when *gasp* you realize he was lying, he’s the bad guy. I’m not saying he’s not a bad guy, he’s corny, but that’s like such a small piece of the puzzle and leads to no accountability.

    Zero accountability.

    Who is that helping?

    Who does the player label help?

    Believing someone who does not accept another’s desire for a relationship or whatever must have a mental deficiency is again ignoring any and all responsibility. And the kicker, she still wants him and is trying to figure out ways to finagle her way back into his life.

    It does nothing to help this poster, it victimizes her and strips her of recognizing her own autonomy.

    *Steps off soap box.*

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