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Thread: Moved away from my parents at 18.. dad is upset

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I agree with both Mari and Billie on this one.

    ďSorry.Ē

    My parents live near the Appalachian Trail. Those who have traveled it know there is absolutely NOTHING around. Similar to the OPís situation. They moved to get away from the crime and gangbangers in that sanctuary-city-turned-s-hole we once lived in while I was in my undergraduate program. The economy crashed and my job field (teaching) went on massive hiring freezes right at the time I graduated.

    I did live independently on and off, took on odd educational jobs (in a big metropolitan city) to stay ďindependentĒ and lived with my boyfriend and his roommates for a few years. It did not work out. Though I was with my boyfriend, his roommates were unsanitary pigs whom I did not get along with.

    I ended up saying the hell with it and moved back with my parents. I left my boyfriend behind but we still stayed together. In addition, I enrolled at the NEAREST university - a 45 minute drive from my parents that was over the mountains and in an Amish town - and got my masterís degree while living with my parents for 2.5 years. I now make excellent money with my new job, married the guy I dated, and we both own a house by the beach.

    My sister graduated HS in that Appalachian hick town and went to the same university where I got my masterís. She used to work with the president of our country and has moved on to bigger and better things. Not bad for someone graduating from a small rural town!


    The reason I share my anecdote is to show that living with your parents is NOT necessarily a bad choice. It does NOT mean you will be permanently stuck in a community you donít want to live in. I made my fortune by going back to school and learning a different trade that now provides me with a job I absolutely love, and a salary which I could live off on my own in case my marriage goes sour.


    Oh. Speaking of ďsour.Ē Here is another reality check for you: people and marriages change, so you must be ready when it does happen.

    Iíve been with my husband for 15 years, and this past year he lost his job for 9 MONTHS right after I had our daughter. Huge change in our stable, happy relationship with lots of fighting, resentment, and depression. Counseling had to be involved because I was sincerely ready to walk out of the marriage. I had to shoulder the financial responsibility of providing for THREE mouths with my masterís-level salary. Babies are expensive, and here is a wake up call: childcare costs are a student loan payment PER WEEK. So OP, with the money you make now can you legitimately support a family of 3+ people in case your boyfriend/husband is unemployed for nearly a year? Of if he is permanently out of a job, can you still financially provide?

    I do agree with those posters that you ARE living dependently with your boyfriend. Itís great that heís finishing your degree, but what are YOUR goals of supporting a future family you want with him? I gave up the opportunity of getting a PHD or taking additional college credits because there is no way I can do college studies part-time as a mother. It can be done, but not everyoneís schedules (work and home) are flexible.



    So yeah, if you really want to prepare for marriage and children, I strongly advise you should go back to school while you are still young, unmarried, and donít have children. It doesnít have to be a university- there are trade schools around. At 23 you havenít lived your whole life yet to make a decision on matrimony. Trust me

    I also find it interesting that when a member here asked about your job, you dodged it. Hmmm, maybe you got underlying pride issues as well?
    Last edited by Snny; 06-15-2019 at 08:30 AM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Brinicole
    I donít think this will ever get fixed unless I move back with my parents...
    You don't think what, exactly, will get fixed?

  3. #13
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    Honestly, i think dad is upset because you dropped out of school for one, and didn't take a few classes that would qualify you to roll it into an associate's degree and you seem too wrapped up in your boyfriend - following him around and focusing on his future instead of yours (oh, and moving in with your bf's parents instead of your parents - if you are going to be independent, be independent but the fact you are leaning on somebody else's parents...) you really need to think of your future independently of your boyfriend. if you are together going forward, great, but now he will have a degree and what will you have?? Nada. Just "some college". People are willing to hire people in their 20s who did't finish college, but when you are older, it won't look like you can finish anything. I am all for trade school, getting a certification that doesn't take too long, etc, but finish something. I don't care whether you get an associate's, get a dental hygienist certification, go to trade school - just secure your future.

    True story - I worked at a company along with people with degrees and i didn't get to move up because i didn't have my degree regardless of i having been there. I came in as a temp/contract originally and that's how i got in initially. Because i had no degree, they just got rid of me one day instead of hiring me in. I worked there for three years.

    I went to college for two very solid years, i got involved in my job more the third year and got involved with my ex and followed him. i was supposed to apply to transfer to a school once i was working in the new town for awhile and it never happened. bills, not having the right required classes, and here i am today. I do okay, but had i finished something--- people look for finishing "something".

    So, stop following boyfriend. Go back home and cram to get your degree or roll it into a degree. or apply to companies that pay for school. whatever it is, but if you tie your star to your boyfriend, what happens if it doesn't last?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your parents care about you and are invested in you, of course, but your choices should come from making good choices for your future. Not from dependency on your parents or worse, your bf and his parents. Part of spreading your wings and soaring is thinking for yourself.

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