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Thread: When is it "right" to take a break from a relationship?

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    When is it "right" to take a break from a relationship?

    I have a lot of personal issues, I am going through a really bad quarter-life crisis where I feel like I need to hurry up and do everything (I also kind of feel like I didn't experience enough of other people romantically, that makes me feel really guilty and horrible). There's nothing wrong with my boyfriend, he's a supportive and loving person. This is the best, and longest, relationship I've ever been in (5 years). Maybe because we don't have issues I am getting bored? I also have mental issues that I need to work on, I am going to see a therapist within the next month. I feel extremely overwhelmed with life, and at the same time I'm really confused and lost, and I need to figure out what I want. The last thing I want is to hurt my boyfriend with reckless behavior, and I feel like that's coming, like I might cheat on him or something. He does not deserve that.

    Is it wrong to take a break because I have problems and will probably end up damaging our relationship? I feel like I can't be a good partner, like I'm just dragging him down and he's just going to get hurt. I don't know what to do. I feel horrible. I never thought I would be asking if I should take a break from this, because our relationship is great.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    I feel like I can't be a good partner, like I'm just dragging him down and he's just going to get hurt.
    In your case, and going by all you have described, I would say right now is a VERY good idea for you to take a break. BUT, I would also strongly advise you discuss all of this with your boyfriend as I think it is only fair that he understands where your head is at so that he can make his own decision on whether he wants to stay around or move on. He deserves to know how you feel. Tell him and let the chips fall where they may.

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    Thank you for the reply. I agree. I am definitely going to discuss all of this with him.
    I have also recently rekindled with an friendship with a guy from my old college and I have began to smoke/vape with him, I hadn't before. This would be so very disappointing to my boyfriend, probably also the fact I'm hanging out with another guy even though it's platonic. I assume I should tell him this? He may give me an ultimatum.

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    I agree. I am definitely going to discuss all of this with him.
    I have also recently rekindled with an friendship with a guy from my old college and I have began to smoke/vape with him, I hadn't before. This would be so very disappointing to my boyfriend, probably also the fact I'm hanging out with another guy even though it's platonic. I assume I should tell him this? He may give me an ultimatum.
    YES, tell him. Are you sure there isn't more to this? Even subconsciously? It seems you have way too much going on right now and are not in a very happy place and as such, your relationship will go downhill. I think your boyfriends needs and deserves to know what is going on with you, inside your head.

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    I feel happy and excited when I am around this friend, maybe it's because, first, this is a "new" friendship, and secondly he is so nice to me and we have very deep talks/give advice (including relationship advice, he is considering getting back together with an ex). Sure, he is an attractive guy. But he does talk about his previous sexual/relationship experiences, which is a big turn off to me. Anyways, I do not think I would want to date him even if I were single, he is a great friend though.
    I do understand though how it might look from the outside. It looks horrible. I would obviously be concerned if my bf was doing this with a girl, so he would likely feel the same about me doing it.

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    Actually, I need to take that back. When I think about it, I wouldn't be devastated if he had this type of friendship with a girl. I don't know if I would even be devastated if he broke up with me. I have no idea why.

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    Actually, I need to take that back. When I think about it, I wouldn't be devastated if he had this type of friendship with a girl. I don't know if I would even be devastated if he broke up with me. I have no idea why.
    Because clearly you have already checked out of the relationship some time ago - which explains your unhappiness, confusion and restlessness. Do the right thing and end the relationship - it is not fair to your boyfriend to keep this going. Don't even bother "taking a break". Just end it already. Tell him the truth and then leave.

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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    Because clearly you have already checked out of the relationship some time ago - which explains your unhappiness, confusion and restlessness. Do the right thing and end the relationship - it is not fair to your boyfriend to keep this going. Don't even bother "taking a break". Just end it already. Tell him the truth and then leave.
    Okay, I guess I should just not ever speak about what I'm thinking again... why the sudden aggressive shift?

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    Okay, I guess I should just not ever speak about what I'm thinking again... why the sudden aggressive shift?
    huh?? There's no aggressive shift at all. I was merely responding to what you have been sharing. The more information you shared, the more it became obvious, to me anyway, is that it seems (to me), that you have clearly checked out of the relationship some time ago and because of that, I felt it would make a lot more sense to make a clear break, rather than "take a break", as I see no point in a temporary break when you have already checked out anyway. Sorry if that was "aggressive".

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    Sorry but it sounded very harsh. I was just expressing how I feel, and I said I don't understand it. You made it seem like I'm an trying to hurt my boyfriend. Maybe I am but I don't mean to be. I'm just looking for helpful advice, that's all.

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