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Thread: When is it "right" to take a break from a relationship?

  1. #21
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    Yes you should take a break but a permanent one.
    You can’t pin point a reason to break up with your bf because he has been a lovely one to you.
    But that doesn’t mean you are obliged to stay with him.
    The relationship had an expiry date and you have surpassed that date.
    You are not in love with him anymore and that is ok.

    What’s not ok is you keeping him as a safety net should you realise the grass is not greener elsewhere.
    You are being cowardly. At the expense of your bf.
    Let him go with a clean break.

    The guys you are hanging out with , will only turn into nothing. But after a 5 year relationship, you will need to be single at least a year before getting into another.

    You will not be friends with your bf after you break up with him. It just doesn’t work like that.

    So, stop using your bf as a crutch while you entertain others.
    If you love him as a friend like you say you do, you wouldn’t do that.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Ah, the old vacation dilemma. It comes up so often with breakups. I am with the other poster who said that going on vacation and ending it on the ride home could potentially cause more pain for your boyfriend.

    However, there is no easy or right choice, in my opinion. I would say it depends on the length of the vacation. A few days wouldn't be a big deal, but a week or more away is pushing it.

    Also, I really would advise against intitating the breakup when you are trapped in a car with the guy. Ideally, breakups should be done in person but kept relatively brief. He will have questions, as you guys dated for 5 years, but the conversation will spiral out of control if it lasts more than a half an hour.

    Just my two cents, though. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

  3. #23
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    You’re right. How should I initiate this conversation? We will be on vacation for a week.

  4. 06-15-2019, 02:11 PM


  5. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie-47
    You’re right. How should I initiate this conversation? We will be on vacation for a week.
    Speaking only for myself, I'd skip poisoning the vacation with deep talk. While my goal wouldn't be dishonesty, I'd avoid the self indulgence of viewing myself as somehow more saintly by ruining 'our' holiday because I can't go 7 more days without upchucking my decision or any clues about it RIGHT NOW, as opposed to a month ago or a week from now.

    To me, that's the definition of a brain fart gone wrong. If I've been wrestling with my feelings for whatever amount of time, I'm not more deceptive this week than I've been for the duration.

    Nobody ever comes out of a breakup as a hero. I'd skip fantasies of trying to come out of this in the best light, and I'd adopt the necessary 'bad guy' role, instead, if it's assigned to me. This makes room for the fact that most people don't respond well to breakups, and while some hurtful stuff may be hurled at me in the process, I'm realistic enough to know that staying with someone just to avoid being villainized isn't helpful to anyone.

    We all need to play the bad guy in order to exit from a relationship that doesn't work for us anymore. All relationships being voluntary, there are no judges or juries, so there's no need to build a case. Nobody else is living our love lives for us, so nobody else gets a vote. As difficult as breakups are, the idea that we can spare another any hurt or pain by being less efficient about it doesn't make it so.

    Head high, do what's right for you, and by definition, you are doing the right thing to free another from any further investment in a wrong match. As tough as this is to do, you will thank yourself later.
    Last edited by catfeeder; 06-15-2019 at 04:26 PM.

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  7. #25
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    Okay if anyone wants an update: we both agreed to part ways romantically. We acknowledged that we still feel companionate love for one another but there’s no intimacy or spark anymore. Plus, all of my mental issues are getting in the way of the relationship. I think I just need to be single for a while. That doesn’t mean we are getting back together at some point.
    Thanks all for your input

  8. #26
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    "I never thought I would be asking if I should take a break from this, because our relationship is great."

    Is it, though? If it were great would you really want a break? And what do you mean by "break?" What would change in the time that you are apart that would make you decide you want to be back together?

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