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Thread: Guilt whenever I flirt

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2009
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    Originally Posted by WAlien
    Thank you for all your kind words, I appreciate it so much.

    I've done everything that the breakup guides have recommended. Picked up new hobbies, stepped outside my comfort zone, made new friends but it doesn't feel like much has changed for me emotionally and I'm starting to get a bit frustrated and wondering if I'll ever feel better or be ready to date anyone again. :(

    Have you accepted that its over? If you still feel guilt then do you feel a connection to him still? Say if he finds out that you are flirting that will close the door on any possible chance he will return? Sounds to me that is what is going on. Afraid to move forward in fear of giving him a sign that you are over him.
    IF that's what it is, I can tell you that emotionally moving forward from him is the best for you. Remember. Your X let you go, that means he had his chance. Your worth is a lot more than that. Its it obvious you are attractive so go ahead and flirt, go out on dates because you are amazing and it is HIS loss, not yours.
    This might sound strange, but maybe you are feeling bad because you think HE should feel bad, but since he is not, you are bearing his pain for him.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    6
    This might be a major stereotype but I think us women hold on longer because men think in more black and white/logical terms i.e. "if it didn't work out, the next logical step is to move on" whereas many women hold on to the emotional attachment and thus it's hard for us to let go, even though logically we understand all the problems that led the relationship to fall apart.

    It's cool that you have feelings, in fact I think it says something beautiful about you as a person. I don't know if you are a religious person but if you are, pray on it. Pray that God removes the feelings from your heart if this man (your ex) is not the best for you long-term.

    I also agree with another poster here who said that we should be proactive in moving on by doing all the recommended post-breakup activities. I am sure you did a lot and if you are honest with yourself I think some of that stuff probably made you stronger and healthier. I also think that there is more to be done and it's okay.

    We are a social species and we want that connection. There is nothing wrong with that and you can keep it as your goal. But also do what feels right to you. No one can tell you when you are ready. I believe you will know and feel comfortable with it, when it is time.

    P.S. I am almost exactly in the same place as you. 6 months post breakup and still stuck on him. I spoke to a mentor and she advised me to take a break until I am emotionally ready. I agreed with her and that's what I am doing. One of my male relatives, on the other hand, said I should once again pursue marriage as my previous relationship is over and again, that is just the logical thing to do especially as some time has passed since the breakup.

    But I decided to respect my feelings and give myself some more time. You are not alone <3

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