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My fiance seems addicted to "laughing gas"


Tinydance

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I am getting really concerned and I just want to get some advice and opinions. I have been with my fiance for two years and our wedding is all planned for January next year. I'm 34 and he's 28. We've been living together for about nine months. Neither of us had ever really done much drugs, except I'd taken some ecstacy maybe about 10 times at most in my whole life. My fiance only once in a blue moon would take acid only just to help him with severe anxiety in crowded environments. Apart from that we just occasionally drink alcohol and we don't smoke cigarettes.

 

My fiance has fairly severe depression and anxiety. His mother also had really bad depression and committed suicide about six years ago. He left his state after that and moved to my city. All his close friends and all his family are in his original state. In this city he has only acquaintances. He spends a bit of time with work colleagues only at work/work functions. We also sometimes have parties but a lot of people he invites are only acquaintances. In the two years we've been together, he's almost never hung out with anyone one-on-one.

 

A few months ago my fiance tried and loved some nangs/whippets at a party. For anyone that doesn't know, it's when you inhale nitrous oxide (laughing gas) straight from a pressure canister or fill balloons with it and inhale from there. Where I live there are a few companies that can home deliver these products 24/7 because they are not actually illegal and are for "whipped cream and baking".

 

I work basically every day except Sunday, but I finish work by 3-4 p.m. already. I don't do a huge amount of house work but it's me that does most of it, as well as cooking. I'm also a really social person and I have a lot of friends and family nearby. I catch up with friends a couple of times a week and my parents about once a week. My fiance works 9-5 four days a week. We do go out on dates occasionally but the majority of the time he's at home with his cat. He never said he had any issues with me going out with friends and family. However lately he has admitted that he gets lonely. But any encouragement from me to reach out to his acquaintances to hang out or to join social groups sort of fell on deaf ears. Though now he will be playing a role playing game once a fortnight.

 

Anyway so a few months ago he began to order the nitrous oxide. At first it was only about once a fortnight, then rapidly became more and more often. Then he was doing it once a week, then twice a week. Now seems to be there times a week. Sometimes he took time off work because he's sick/depressed and just stayed home and did nangs all day. Seems like every time he's not at work, he's doing it. He doesn't help with any housework or do anything while he's home all day, just get high.

 

He claims it's generally harmless, but the thing is that excessive consumption can cause depletion of vitamin B12 from the body. I read some posts on some drug forums about it. One guy there said that he did it heavily about every day for his months. The lack of Vitamin B12 caused severe degeneration of his spinal cord and now he's a paraplegic in a wheelchair.

 

I talked to my fiance about all this and the danger a number of times but he doesn't listen and doesn't feel concerned. He is on antidepressants and mood stabilizer and sees a psychiatrist. Every time I leave the house, when I come home he is doing the nangs/whippets. I offer to watch movies together or play games but he doesn't want to stop getting high even then.

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Rather than talk about the dangers of this that or the other drugs, compassionately address his underlying problems. Suggest he get a checkup from a physician to rule out mood or other medically treatable issues. Particularly with a strong family history of neurochemical/mood disorders, substance abuse can exacerbate the problems. Focus on underlying health concerns rather than a parental stance. Lead by example and pursue a clean living lifestyle.

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He's self diagnosing, and self medicating...that should be your concern. People who have addiction issues make up a bunch of BS just to justify their habit. I would suggest you both seek out your information from a health care professional rather than the internet. Most stuff on the internet is unfounded, untested, higgery jiggery bull crap.

If he refuses to address his addiction, give the ring back and move out/move on.

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Oof, that stuff is serious business. I'm amazed he doesn't have brain damage already that's noticeable to you.

 

I had a friend in high school who used to use nitrous oxide from time to time. Really short high, and I never tried it. I found out soon after just how dangerous it can be. Your partner is very likely to die from his habit if he doesn't stop.

 

Don't marry this guy. If you love him, campaign to get him help, but if he refuses, eventually you need to move on with your life. This situation is just not looking good, and you don't deserve to be dragged down too.

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I agree with everyone who said do not marry him (I've had laughing gas several times at the doctor's office - was fine but obviously that's different).

 

I personally would end the relationship and offer to help him find places to go to get help for his various issues and this new potential addiction.

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Run don't walk to the nearest exit.

 

I would put marriage plans on hold I don't care how much money, plans, invites, family are involved.

 

Sit down with him and tell him that he needs help and he needs it now and you can't and won't proceed with getting married until he does.

 

You may need to reach out to any family/ friend he has from his town for help with this.

 

Whippets are not harmless. They'll cause severe brain damage, addiction and can even cause death. I know, I had a not very close friend in high school die from using them.

 

I would have zero tolerance for marrying a drug addict... Or someone who even seems like they could be on the road to addiction. But from what you said he's not on the road, he showed up and parked a while ago. Get help for both of you.

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I've done whip-its a handle-full of times, and personally didn't see the lure to it... But I think you can see this two ways, be thankful he has not ventured onto a drug that is truly addictive like cocaine. This is an area of concern, although whip its are to my knowledge, are non addictive, your partners behaviour is concerning. He is choosing to ignore his issues to get high. I would urge him to speak to his psychiatrist about this, as his behaviour needs to be corrected more than anything,

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I have tried whippets in the past...I can see what he enjoys about them but as you said, there are dangers (hypoxia) and the cost adds up. I'm concerned about his use of them and his needing to get high a lot. Yes, it's not coke or heroin but it's still unhealthy. I would not get married at this time.

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Telling someone who uses drugs they're dangerous does no good. They don't believe it or don't care. It's like telling people who smoke cigarettes they will develop cancer and/or lung disease. They don't believe it or they don't care.

 

I would tell him the wedding is off unless and until he gets medical help for his substance abuse issues.

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I've done whip-its a handle-full of times, and personally didn't see the lure to it... But I think you can see this two ways, be thankful he has not ventured onto a drug that is truly addictive like cocaine. This is an area of concern, although whip its are to my knowledge, are non addictive, your partners behaviour is concerning. He is choosing to ignore his issues to get high. I would urge him to speak to his psychiatrist about this, as his behaviour needs to be corrected more than anything,

 

??? huh??? He can fry his brain out with this. Its like telling someone "be glad they broke your arm, because they could have broken your jaw".

This is VERY addictive to someone self medicating.

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I think the bigger issue is his mental health because that is why he is turning to drugs. You need to lead him towards help - I am betting that its something chemical/physiological since mom also had it - approach it from that frame - if he refuses to see a psychiatrist and possibly a neurologist, and once that is addressed seek rehab - then you walk away completely from him. This is not a life for you.

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Thinking back to when I was engaged, I can understand the sentiment of whippets not exactly being heroine. Just like if my wife came home and needed to slam a shot of whiskey to take the edge off but otherwise stopped after that one drink. It would be a real problem, but not one that immediately had me with one foot out the door. In your shoes, I'd err on the side of caution and postpone the wedding, both for the sake of lifting a pretty significant time constraint to navigate a matter which shouldn't require one and for the benefit of your prospective guests.

 

The "good" is that it is relatively harmless speaking strictly physically. Never done it or cared to, but if ever there were a "preferable" substance to get someone to come off of, I'd venture to say whippets are probably it. The bad news is any drug can be a gateway drug, and if he can't resolve the issues driving him to self-medicate, then the very last thing I'd assume is this being as severe as it gets.

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He doesn't help with any housework or do anything while he's home all day, just get high.

 

He claims it's generally harmless, but the thing is that excessive consumption can cause depletion of vitamin B12 from the body. I read some posts on some drug forums about it. One guy there said that he did it heavily about every day for his months. The lack of Vitamin B12 caused severe degeneration of his spinal cord and now he's a paraplegic in a wheelchair.

 

I talked to my fiance about all this and the danger a number of times but he doesn't listen and doesn't feel concerned. He is on antidepressants and mood stabilizer and sees a psychiatrist. Every time I leave the house, when I come home he is doing the nangs/whippets. I offer to watch movies together or play games but he doesn't want to stop getting high even then.

 

This is a big problem, no matter if it's caused by whip-its, weed, alcohol, etc. It's not harmless, because it's affecting your relationship. He has a drug problem.

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Hi Tiny, my ex boyfriend/fiance was a drug addict, meth and coke were his drugs of choice.

 

We were planning a beautiful wedding in Hawaii when I discovered he was an addict.

 

The signs were there but subtle so I didn't notice or rather I didn't want to notice.

 

But like with all addictions, it escalated. As will your fiance's addiction, I can promise you that.

 

Out all night with his drug addict buddies, including women, the erratic behavior, the verbal "abuse" (for lack of a better word). Among many other things.

 

I confronted him and told if he didn't get his ass into rehab we're done. He promised he would then reneged, so I LEFT.

 

I walked out. Best decision I ever made.

 

After I left, he entered rehab, and is clean today.

 

Anyway, I echo what others have said about postponing the wedding. Or calling it off altogether.

 

I mean, one thing I will say about my ex, is that once I found out and the shyt hit the fan, there was no way on god's green earth he was gonna deny it.

 

It took a couple of times before he stuck with rehab, but I am convinced that had I stuck around "supporting" him NOTHING would have changed.

 

It took my leaving for him to wake up and make a change, is clean today and doing quite well for himself last I heard.

 

As am I!! :D

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