Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Drunken hook up

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    1

    Drunken hook up

    I was out with my friend and my fiancé of 7 years. We were all super drunk and my friend kissed me out of the blue. Being drunk, I kissed her back. My fiancé saw and we were all standing together. My friend suggested a three way kiss, so we did. She then kissed me again, then turned to my fiancé and kissed him. Afterwards my fiancé checked on me and asked if I was ok. I said yes, I was drunk we all were and had no idea what was going on.. my fiancé and I then came home and called it a night as we both realised how drunk we were.

    It was a first for me and for both of us in our relationship, and I’m fine with it being an experience but I wouldn’t want to happen again. I just keep thinking about them two having a little kiss and I don’t know why but it bothers me. It’s not like he was cheating as I was right there and involved in what was happening and he checked on me and stuff.

    I’ve spoken to him and he said it doesn’t have to happen again and he is not attracted to her (which I knew before this as well). We are in a very happy relationship and I wouldn’t want me anxiety to ruin this.

    How do I move on?

    Should I just get over it? Treat it as a drunken hook up and let it go?

    I love my fiancé so much and I don’t want to share him again.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    1,200
    Well, you guys got drunk and did things you regret. Keep it to a two-drink minimum when you go out from now on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    49,718
    You choose to get drunk you choose the consequences. He chose to drink and chose to kiss her. He did not cheat because you basically were fine with it - or if not he could reasonably be confused given your behavior. But yes he kissed her because he wanted to kiss her. Just like you kissed your friend because you wanted to kiss her.

    I would tell him this is a one time mistake and you're not comfortable repeating that situation and from now on you're not comfortable with either of you drinking too much - keep it to half what you think you can consume without being drunk or buzzed. If you continue to keep choosing to get drunk then know that your priority is getting drunk and choosing the consequences as opposed to the health of your relationship.

    If you've been engaged for 7 years why aren't you married? That might also give relevant information as to why both of you would want to play with fire in this way.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,123
    Gender
    Female
    Um, maybe I'm not seeing this from your eyes, but it seems like you and your friend drove this whole interaction. Plus, you were getting frisky with this woman too, and no prior check-in occurred with your boyfriend to make sure he was okay with it! Some people would consider your participation cheating too.

    However, these incidents sometimes happen in long-term relationships when alcohol gets mixed in, and in my view it is not a big deal. Kissing isn't sex. I would make it clear to your fiance that what happened left you feeling worried and that you want to ensure it doesn't happen again in the future. Don't go holding it against him, though. It sounds like he was going with your flow and he didn't try to suggest a theesome or anything like that.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    121
    I don’t think it’s a big deal, in my view you were all just goofing around, and clearly drinking too much. I would tell your fiancé it was a one time silly mistake, and next time you guys go out, have just one drink, or don’t drink at all.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,240
    Gender
    Male
    Was it a threesome or a drunken kiss? Let it go, stop getting this drunk and consider losing the "friend".
    Originally Posted by Bluebabe
    I My friend suggested a three way kiss, so we did.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,578
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with the others, but will add that to get over it, look at the big picture. It was literally a one-minute instance in your existence, one tiny kiss in the midst of your life together. Remember the children starving in Africa, the homeless war veterans suffering from hallucinations, and the chronic pain of those dying from cancer. Remember the real problems in the world and it makes you realize the mountain you’re climbing is actually just a grain of sand. Perspective!

    Enjoy your loving relationship, sounds like you’ve got a good one that really cares about your feelings.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    120
    Your boyfriend checked with you that it was OK to kiss your friend, but you started all this off by snogging your friend back right in front of him, so just as well he was OK with that.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,733
    Originally Posted by Bluebabe
    I’ve spoken to him and he said it doesn’t have to happen again and he is not attracted to her (which I knew before this as well). We are in a very happy relationship and I wouldn’t want me anxiety to ruin this.
    This stood out to me a bit. How did you already know he was not attracted to her? Have you previously wondered aloud if he is? Information like that isn't usually offered up randomly, so I am curious how his opinion of how attractive she is came up prior to this.

    I ask all of this because I have to wonder if there might be some greater context to your present concerns.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •