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Thread: Girlfriend related our sex to rape

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The thing is people donít need to get their sexy on when the other person feels sick.
    Right?

    I read all of your quotes, Antique, but it still does not jive with me. He could have either just let her be or stay focused on comforting her (non sexually) and realizing that she felt sick.
    It doesn't matter if she didn't want to go to bed or if she didn't want to come up to bed, or whatever.

    She's a grown woman, let her be or ask her is you can do anything for her in terms of helping with the headache.

    But Op, was horny before they even got home, he had his intentions and sure wasn't giving up on them.

    Even when they got into bed, he should have comforted her and told her to just sleep. He could get her an aspirin if needed but other than that, leave her be.
    Not sexually, not expecting...purely just taking care of her.

    I think she was relating how she felt about the sex with him and being raped, in terms of feeling forced or pushed in that direction. Which she was.
    He knew she had a headache...that should have been END OF. No sex, no thoughts of it, just let her be and let her sleep or relax on her own.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Yuppero.

    .......:
    Originally Posted by Cope
    Rape culture is alive and kicking and this situation shows both sides of it. A man who, even when he saw that his partner wasn't into it, continued, and a woman who, even though she didn't really want to continue didn't refuse it, in fear they might get into a fight. The root is the same, patriarchy.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Cope
    Rape culture is alive and kicking and this situation shows both sides of it. A man who, even when he saw that his partner wasn't into it, continued, and a woman who, even though she didn't really want to continue didn't refuse it, in fear they might get into a fight. The root is the same, patriarchy.
    I disagree 100% -- its about BOUNDARIES. Not "the patriarchy."
    Its making your yes yes and your no no.
    If someone is tired, and the other person says "you are tired, why not go to bed instead of sex?"
    Then the person says "No, let's have it". HUH? Its not "the patriarchy" - its you....

  4. #24
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I disagree 100% -- its about BOUNDARIES. Not "the patriarchy."
    Its making your yes yes and your no no.
    If someone is tired, and the other person says "you are tired, why not go to bed instead of sex?"
    Then the person says "No, let's have it". HUH? Its not "the patriarchy" - its you....
    Agree wholeheartedly with this.

    I would be horrified by my own behavior if my bf expressed disinterest and I pursued sex anyway.

    We need to respect the voices of the people we love, not dismiss them . This is of primary importance.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    "A father and son have a car accident and are both badly hurt. They are both taken to separate hospitals. When the boy is taken in for an operation, the surgeon (doctor) says 'I can not do the surgery because this is my son'. How is this possible?"



    Don't give me a well thought answer, but question yourself as to why you may have found yourself confused by this riddle even if it was for seconds.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yeah, I get where you're coming from, Cope...sexism, expectations of the sex.

    Still though, he behaved badly.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    Still though, he behaved badly.
    Oh I never said he didn't, on the contrary!

    I just see that he's confused and mentioning things that he can start to unpack if he wants this to never happen again.

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