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Thread: Girlfriend related our sex to rape

  1. #11
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, she didn't say you raped her but she did say that she felt like she did the night she was raped.

    I see two problems here:
    1. It was clear to you that she was too tired to be in the moment with you. Instead of telling her you would like to wait until the morning to make love to her when she wasn't in pain from her migrain, you kept at it with her.
    2. Your girlfriend should be in therapy to help her to come to terms with what happened to her. She has a real problem with saying no when she isn't in the mood which she needs to overcome or she is going to find herself feeling the way she did again in the future and that is not fair to you or any other guy she gets with.

    For your own sake, when she's not enthusiastically all over you like white on rice, I'd not take her indifferent participation as a green light. Instead you say "no." somehow I think when you do not continue on with her she will take the 'no not tonight' as a huge rejection and you'll get ragged on anyway.... best to take that (if you stay with her) rather than a possible charge of rape or her feelings of rape when its not your intention.

    FWIW: I have told my husband of 43 years and he has told me, many, many times to "go to bed" when we have been basically passing out on the couch. I never once took it as him mistreating me or he mistreating him. When the bed is more comfortable (especially when one is having a headache) then its been welcome to get the push to go.
    Thatís fair on the go to bed comment - Iím inferring from the tone of the post that it was condescending instead of loving or supportive, but I may be wrong.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Thatís fair on the go to bed comment - Iím inferring from the tone of the post that it was condescending instead of loving or supportive, but I may be wrong.
    Heck... I could be too for all we know. Hopefully Op comes back to comments on his replies. :)

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Thatís fair on the go to bed comment - Iím inferring from the tone of the post that it was condescending instead of loving or supportive, but I may be wrong.
    MLD, I am 100% with ya about everything you wrote.

    Just got a really bad vibe from his post, the tone, the self-entitled attitude, all of it.

    Op, your reason for pushing was because you were "horny"? GMAFB, please.

    Your gf was tired, she didn't want it, wasn't into it, go jerk off in the bathroom or something.

    No it was not rape, but you exercised some very poor judgment imo, based in part on your "horniness," and a total lack of respect and disregard for what she wanted (or didn't want) - I think you need to apologize.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Why not be a gentleman and ask her if she's okay, bring her a blanket and an aspirin. Consider HER feelings and how she wasn't feeling well.

    You're far, far too pushy and selfish for your own good.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You're far, far too pushy and selfish for your own good.
    I think you may have missed these in the OP:
    Originally Posted by jackspain
    I let her relax and after seeing she was falling asleep i asked her to go to bed.
    Originally Posted by jackspain
    She insisted she wasnt falling asleep after i told her to go to bed multiple times.
    Originally Posted by jackspain
    She also took her clothes off.
    Originally Posted by jackspain
    I told her i didnt feel like shes trying and suggested we go sleep. She said no and we tried again. We then had sex.
    According to him the sex was bad so maybe that's why she's reacting like this but rape? Way blown out of proportion if you ask me.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by antiqque
    I think you may have missed these in the OP:





    According to him the sex was bad so maybe that's why she's reacting like this but rape? Way blown out of proportion if you ask me.
    Nah, thereís a lot I think you missed though. Go back and read what I quoted.

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is people donít need to get their sexy on when the other person feels sick. Imagine she wanted to get her funk on when he is puking up and kept pushing the point and then said the sex was bad.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    The mechanism behind your actions OP, is the notion that women owe men sex, whether you're aware of it or not. Now that you are, you can work on it. Rule of thumb is "take every maybe as a no". You felt she didn't want to, yet you proceeded; why?

    Your gf also needs therapy because as mentioned above, she has a difficulty of saying "no", even if she wants to. The same mechanism is working in the background.

    Women don't owe men sex even if they're married. Technically, this is not rape, but it sure has many similarities to it. I'm sorry you're both going through this.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Nah, thereís a lot I think you missed though. Go back and read what I quoted.
    Welcome to rape culture where even though she got naked and refused when he said to stop trying somehow it's still the guy's fault.
    I was not even replying to your comment but you insist with your nonsense.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Rape culture is alive and kicking and this situation shows both sides of it. A man who, even when he saw that his partner wasn't into it, continued, and a woman who, even though she didn't really want to continue didn't refuse it, in fear they might get into a fight. The root is the same, patriarchy.

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