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Thread: Trouble letting go of toxic relationship

  1. #1
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    Trouble letting go of toxic relationship

    We were together 5 months. It was the most passionate relationship I've ever had, but also the most toxic. She is an extraordinary beautiful girl, which I think mattered too much to me; I put up with a lot of things that I otherwise woudn't have. But it also helped me fall for her hard.

    We began bickering about 3 months in to the relationship. It's like nothing I'd ever experienced that early on. She constantly had complaints about things and criticisms of me; she was never satisfied. She is very hot headed. I was constantly on edge once this began.

    We both drank quite a bit. The drinking made the fights boil out of control, with screaming and whatnot. Last week, she got so mad that she shoved me as hard as she could. Unfortunately, I made the biggest mistake of my life and pushed her back, and she fell down. I never thought I'd push a girl down, and I feel awful about it. But she also shouldn't have gotten physical with me. Alcohol played a big role in that whole disaster. I barely remember it happening. (I've since admitted I have an alcohol problem and have gotten help).

    This is the fifth time she's broken up with me. Maybe it's the sixth, who knows.

    This time it's for real, and it's getting realer for me every passing day that I don't hear from her. It's been a week now.

    After every previous breakup, she'd start texting me within a day, and eventually tell me she missed me and to come over. This time, she told me she was very sad and would miss me. Since then, she mostly hasn't responded to my messages, which have been few and far between. When she did respond yesterday, she made it clear that she was done. She was angry and cruel - she told me she was dating other guys already, and called me names when I was merely apologizing for my role in things and expressing that I didn't want to be enemies with her.

    I've committed to not contacting her again, but it's been hard. I have thought about and journaled all the reasons she is wrong for me, but my heart keeps yearning for her, and my brain keeps coming up with ideas for texts. Why do I yearn for someone who I know is a bad match for me?

  2. #2
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    Why do I yearn for someone who I know is a bad match for me?

    Because they are like a drug to us. You get your fix by making up and having them in your life but reality is that we know they are bad for us but we keep them there because we are used to them and we get our quick high knowing we will pay for the consequences later. It's up to you when you want to end this cycle.

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    You yearn simply out of the thrill of lust! She’s beautiful and exciting but with her comes a ton of drama! Unless you like the thrill from drama then I suggest you move on. Kudos to you for getting your drinking under control. Remember she’s toxic and would make you downward spiral easily with drinking.

    Let this relationship be a mistake you learned from and an example of what you don’t want moving forward.

    Lisa

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You are simply going through withdrawl from your drug of choice called Bad Girlfriend. In time and with zero contact withdrawl, your drug will leave your system and you'll be clean and sober from her.

    Do not let her hoover you back for more, block and delete her so she can't contact you and work on your REAL drug withdrawl from alcohol and concentrate on getting sober from that and clear of any childhood baggage you have that has you relying on alcohol to the extent you have been.

    She is nuts, she is bad news, she is your trigger to all the inner demons rearing their ugly heads to you. Don't let your current withdrawl pains lead you back to the like of her. You need to work on you now so that your next relationship is a good one where you are partnered up with a healthy, functioning chicka... your ex was not that.

    Sorry you're hurting, take it one day at a time and soon enough, you'll have rehabbed from her and the Bchit you were in with her.

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  6. #5
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    Yes - they’ve actually done studies on stuff like this and break-ups are quite literally like coming off drugs. You feel a little crazy because you ARE a little crazy right now (we all are when going through this). It’s not a “sign” you should be together.

    The truth of the matter is that if you make each other THAT crazy - and it’s already come to blows - it only gets worse from here. Do you want to end up in jail? Because that’s where this is going.

    Delete her number off your phone (write it down and stick it in a closet somewhere if you have to)
    Delete your texting history.
    Keep yourself super busy - go to the gym, indulge in hobbies, throw yourself into work - whatever you have to do to keep your mind on other things and tire yourself out.

    This too shall pass.

    Aim higher for your next relationship. “Crazy” is exciting but it’s not healthy.

  7. #6
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    Your relationship was sick and dysfunctional.

    You need to block and delete.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Believe me- it is toxic and will remain this way,
    You were drawn thru unreal drama and will not get any better.

    Best back away and walk & for your own sanity keep walking. She sounds somewhat unstable, and if so, you do
    not want to be around to encounter more of that!
    Seriously... consider your own safety and mentality.. and don't forget self respect.

    Good that you caught on within just a few months of this.

    YOu deserve something way better and more settled, yes!
    And good on you for reaching out for help if you've got an alcy problem.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Give her fair warning. Let her know this is it. No more contact. Should she refuse to respect your wishes, then ghost and block.

    You yearn for someone who is a bad match for you due to your low self esteem, lack of self confidence and low self worth. You feel this is all there is and this is all you deserve. I was this way. Granted, my story wasn't the same but eventually, you'll realize that you deserve to be with a person who treats you with respect, dignity, integrity, honor and as if your feelings matter.

    It's a process. Think long and hard which takes weeks and months.

  10. #9
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    Thanks to all who responded!

    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Give her fair warning. Let her know this is it. No more contact. Should she refuse to respect your wishes, then ghost and block.

    You yearn for someone who is a bad match for you due to your low self esteem, lack of self confidence and low self worth. You feel this is all there is and this is all you deserve. I was this way. Granted, my story wasn't the same but eventually, you'll realize that you deserve to be with a person who treats you with respect, dignity, integrity, honor and as if your feelings matter.

    It's a process. Think long and hard which takes weeks and months.
    She just blocked me, so that's that. I felt compelled to continue trying to make contact, despite promising myself I wouldn't. I deleted her number, but found I had it memorized. It really did feel like an addiction. Crazy.

    I'm actually appreciative of her resolve. Someone had to end it, and I obviously didn't have the strength/courage/what have you.

    The self-esteem, confidence and self-worth aspect is interesting. I'm not sure I lack those things, because I did set clear boundaries with her and made issue of their violation. But I couldn't extricate myself from it. It's pathetic but I think her beauty made me condone a lot more than I should have.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Continue getting help for drinking. You are lucky you weren't arrested for assault. You're also lucky she wasn't seriously hurt or killed when you pushed her. Unless you change, you can count on being in jail for DUIs, drunk and disorderly, assault, killing someone while driving or abusing them, etc. Or on a morgue slab. Learn to get comfortable with jumpsuits and chained ankles unless you get sober and make major changes. The choice is yours.

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