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Thread: LDR gone horribly wrong. Feel I couldíve done things different.

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Itís not that theyíre repulsive, I just know what Iíve seen (so far anyway). Everybodyó well maybe not everybody, most people within my age range and even hers (which was never too big a deal to me; 95% of women Iíve been involved with have been in her range) here gossip, etc., and itís very hypergamous here. Like I said you have to pretty much be a top dawg out here. I donít know how to describe it....
    Well you know what you don't want at least. Move on from people who are only looking for the top dog quickly, so you don't waste too much time with flakes.

    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    And to be honest, after this and multiple bad experiences I want absolutely nothing to do with meeting women online. It ends in nothing but a show.
    Well there are certainly other ways to meet women. Though most of my online dating experiences have been pleasant, if unfruitful. Just to check: which apps have you tried, how many versions of your profile have you tried, and have you varied your approach?

    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Theyíve got other options, to be fair so do I, and I find from experience too much texting ruins everything.
    So don't do too much texting then.

    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say.
    Are you doing anything in your life that is worth talking about with the people you date? If your life is boring your dates will be boring and one sided.

    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    I dunno how Iím gonna communicate outside of dates, maybe phone calls but even thatíll get monotonous...
    For early dating there is no need to communicate outside of dates. Set up the date, and get to know each other IN PERSON.

    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Thing is it sucks that thereís more work in approaching people but the hell with it, itís either that or an endless cycle.
    Yeah it's work. You have to find ways to make it fun. For a while I called myself the one-date king - went on a lot of first dates not expecting a second, just to get better at talking to strangers. I try to mix up the kinds of activities I suggest for dates so that even if it's not a good date, I get to try new things and do something I enjoy doing.

    If you aren't able to handle it, take a break and work on yourself for a bit. I've been trying to improve my dating life over the last seven years (I never really dated before that). I have periods where I am really active in dating, and periods where I take a break and work on myself. Every time I go back into dating after working on myself I have a slightly better experience. I had to throw away my expectation of each new woman being my potential mate for life and take things less seriously. Dating is meeting strangers - you can't bring too many expectations into it.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    .

    And to be honest, after this and multiple bad experiences I want absolutely nothing to do with meeting women online. It ends in nothing but a show. Theyíve got other options, to be fair so do I, and I find from experience too much texting ruins everything. Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say. I dunno how Iím gonna communicate outside of dates, maybe phone calls but even thatíll get monotonous... Thing is it sucks that thereís more work in approaching people but the hell with it, itís either that or an endless cycle.
    Maybe if you changed the way you went about online dating would help.

    I agree with too much texting. Set up a coffee date, asap. Meet in person and from there decide IF you want to have a date. Have several dates, made up of a mixture of activities so you aren't having to do all the sit down inquisitions that do get stale and awkward. Dates don't have to cost money. Go on a bike ride, a hike, cook a dinner together.

    Meet and date multiple women and don't plan serious things, like moving in, meeting children and save any future talk until which time you two have spent a considerable amount of time dating and getting to know one another - in person.

    It's no wonder you want to bail from the whole think based on your last experience.
    Take a break. Take a breather and rethink your part in all of this and how you could go about it differently in the future.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Itís not that theyíre repulsive, I just know what Iíve seen (so far anyway). Everybodyó well maybe not everybody, most people within my age range and even hers (which was never too big a deal to me; 95% of women Iíve been involved with have been in her range) here gossip, etc., and itís very hypergamous here. Like I said you have to pretty much be a top dawg out here. I donít know how to describe it....
    Okay, but how can you be sure the girl you've been interacting on line with isn't the same way?

    You've never spent any time with her in person, you have no idea who she really is, or what she's all about, except what you've been imagining her to be from a distance, via words on a screen.

    I am not saying you can't form a connection with someone on line, you can, I have.

    But nevertheless, it's still idealization and fantasy until you meet in person and spend real time together.

  4. #54
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    >>Real life becomes stale and we run out of things to say.

    I need to comment on this cause this is absolutely NOT true.

    When with the right person, that is.

    When with the right person, it feels "right" even when there is NOTHING to say!

    Sitting under a tree together at a park, at the beach watching a sunset. You don't always have to be "talking." Just "being" together is enough.

    If you truly believe "real life" is boring and stale, and your fear is that you will run out of things to say, then dude me thinks you have some serious commitment fears/issues you may consider addressing.

    As I said, I suspected one of the main reasons you were so into her was because she was "on line" which was mostly fantasy, and therefore not "real." Which according to your own words, you find boring and stale.

    With this mindset, there is no "right" woman for you and never will be unless you address your issues with "real life" and commitment and take steps to resolve.

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Fantasy long distance cyber women are easier because a large percentage of the 'relationship' is your imagination. It also seems that you have a sour grapes view of local real-life women.

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