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Thread: LDR gone horribly wrong. Feel I couldíve done things different.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    I donít know. Things were going really well in the beginning until we got held up because of my bag and couldnít do what we really wanted that night (we had to push dinner reservations until way later and couldnít go to a bar we were planning to go to)... Maybe it wouldíve sparked something. But I donít know.
    Nick,

    You can't honestly believe that these little things would throw someone off if they cared for you. You also can't blame the sex. She just did not feel it, once you met. That is why these fantasy relationships do not work.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Well no not that. I meant we didnít have a chance to really do anything really fun besides the gym because we were constantly rushing. Between getting back to get washed up and changed, to get to the restaurant in time for the reservation and then to finish eating because they were closed (and kind of throwing us out). Plus even the sex was rushed because we had to be up early the next day.
    Stop making excuses by blaming these other issues.

  3. #13
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    Focus on your living and work situation

  4. #14
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    Oddly enough one thing I didnít realize until later was the first time we attempted a connection months prior she said that I said out of the blue ďDonít message me anymore!Ē


    That WASNíT true... She said initially she wasnít sure if she can do a long distance relationship, when the day before things were perfect. I tried reasoning with her, she fell off the face of the earth... She came back a day later apologizing saying she needed to take it in, I told her ďI know it wouldnít be fair, etc. etc. The distance is an issue, and while I understand Iím not okay just being friends. I donít think we should talk for a while until Iím ready.Ē


    I started talking to her because things changed as far as my career, realization of missing her, etc. Then things snowballed.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    Well no not that. I meant we didnít have a chance to really do anything really fun besides the gym because we were constantly rushing. Between getting back to get washed up and changed, to get to the restaurant in time for the reservation and then to finish eating because they were closed (and kind of throwing us out). Plus even the sex was rushed because we had to be up early the next day.
    That's my point, though. If she were interested enough, she would have been eager to continue the visit and get to spend more relaxed time with you.

    She wasn't interested enough, though. The talk of her exes and quickly ending relationships in the past was your warning that she was not feeling it.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She's insecure about herself and if she's already showing strong signs of that early on, you should be thinking of your best interests and concerned about what she's like in a full blown relationship. Yes, there are things we say and do out of nervousness but this was a little left field.
    Yeah, I guess... Another thing was that her relationships aside from her first marriage (with the children, she constantly bashes the father) her relationships never lasted a year, some even a month. Her second marriage ended within four months, when the ex husband supposedly threw his hands up one day and said ďI canít do this anymore!Ē If you saw what happened with me and her the first time, I started to realize thereís things she tends to leave out of her stories. But... I digress.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    That's my point, though. If she were interested enough, she would have been eager to continue the visit and get to spend more relaxed time with you.

    She wasn't interested enough, though. The talk of her exes and quickly ending relationships in the past was your warning that she was not feeling it.
    So should I have just skipped out on the sex in that case and told her I wanted to wait? Part of me began to have reservations about sex after she was talking about that.

    Also I misworded. She didnít say quickly, though after she said that I remembered a pattern on her page in the past before we got involved that she tended to jump from relationship to relationship, one of which ended on Christmas.
    Last edited by NickOrtiz; 06-12-2019 at 06:26 PM.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    That was awkward to read and it felt so orchestrated. Last I checked chemistry and attraction happens organically and not because you flew a 1000 miles and Viagra has a time limit. I wouldn't be hard on yourself. You both went about it all wrong.
    I don't know how you step back from all of this, seriously.

    I am sorry and wondering `what if' isn't going to change it.
    Shake it off. Don't do it again.

    You seem very western cultured but the whole arrangement of meeting her day one, kids day two and her mom seems like a culture in which arrange marriages are done. Just curious as to what culture you are. Maybe that might make a difference?

    Why were you thrown out of your home?

  10. #19
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    I am Western, yes. Things moved a little fast but I was already familiar with her kids... She also kind of insisted on me meeting her family the final day. She introduced me to her mom and told her parents we were gonna set something up to meet them (which I was a bit nervous about since it was only our FIRST TIME MEETING but I talked to her mother and she seemed nice so I couldnít fight it) and she had stuck to this plan even when things I felt were weird (at dinner).

    And I was thrown out because of issues with my family but later they offered me a chance to stay but I declined as I thought itíd be better for all of us. Weíre still in touch.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NickOrtiz
    I am Western, yes. Things moved a little fast but I was already familiar with her kids... She also kind of insisted on me meeting her family the final day. She introduced me to her mom and told her parents we were gonna set something up to meet them (which I was a bit nervous about since it was only our FIRST TIME MEETING but I talked to her mother and she seemed nice so I couldnít fight it) and she had stuck to this plan even when things I felt were weird (at dinner).

    .
    You were familiar with her kids? Electronically? Introduced to her mom - electronically.

    I get this is very futuristic and at the same time common now-a-days. But this forum might not exist without people like you who form relationships like you two did, with disastrous results I might add.

    Men didn't meet my kids until I had dated them for about 6 months, if it all. And it was only because they were passing each other at the door. To me, there was no reason to incorporate the two.

    It just seemed so forced. Why either of you agreed to it, I don't understand.

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