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Thread: Partner working away

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He may not want to get married but he still has to pay child support. Let him go. Use this time to get some help in deciding what's best for you and the kids.
    That's true wiseman, but I do feel like this will break us for some reason, it's just my gut instinct.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Are you worried about being stuck doing all the childcare?
    Are you working as well or do you all depend on his income?
    I mean, a lot of times you can't say no and yet advance.
    You agreed to stall his career because....I'm not sure?
    I literally do all the childcare, all he does is sleep when he comes home from work in the evenings, so I'm not worried about that it's normal for me. I work part time, I've never been dependant on a man, he doesn't give me any money anyways it just all goes into his bank account which he even hides his statements from me so I can't see how much he's got. Theres no career stalling he could have another career without having to go away, this is not a career which he wants to pursue anyways as he has told me so.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Are you worried about being stuck doing all the childcare?
    Are you working as well or do you all depend on his income?
    I mean, a lot of times you can't say no and yet advance.
    You agreed to stall his career because....I'm not sure?
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    and his boss asked him if he would like to work away and he said yes without discussing it with me, when he did eventually discuss it with me we had a talk and we decided that there was no need for him to work away as we are not struggling for money ect, we both agreed,

    Unless I am reading this wrong, the boss asked him his preference, as a couple they came to the conclusion it wasn't going to happen. . then he went ahead and did it anyway.

    From accusations of cheating, refusing to get married and taking a job 4 hours away, this man doesn't seem to interested in a future with her and his family. He seems to be creating roadblocks, but when each one doesn't work, he escalates his behavior.
    It does feel like he's creating roadblocks and that's what I can't understand. And when I'm not happy about it here gets all defensive.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Are you worried about being stuck doing all the childcare?
    Are you working as well or do you all depend on his income?
    I mean, a lot of times you can't say no and yet advance.
    You agreed to stall his career because....I'm not sure?
    Another thing I'm not very well at the moment so I have to go back and forth to the hospital every week to have a procedure, so have been ill all week and he knows this.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When people get trapped in a situation they don't want to be in, they tend to look for a way out. People are funny like that....
    You aren't happy, but have you ever considered that he isn't happy either?
    You say that you don't depend on a man....are you sure about that? You sure seem to be clinging on to this relationship and this man for dear life......

    Maybe it's time for you to get out of your tunnel vision of "I'll make you be family with me" and have an honest conversation about what you both really want and don't want. It seems like he has been telling you for a long time what he doesn't want....but you aren't listening and just steamrolling along pursuing your vision of your life.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    ^ Yes! So much!
    It sounds like neither of you have been happy for quite the while.
    You seem really stuck on forcing this situation. You can't make someone want what you want by ultimatum nor insisting.
    Was it like this before you had kids?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Caewils
    4 hours away.
    So what does this entail? Is he gone Mon-Fri but returns home to you and your kids on the weekends?

    If so, if you didn't have kids, I wouldn't see the big deal myself, but given you have kids, I can understand your concern.

    Do you work, outside the home?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool

    When people get trapped in a situation they don't want to be in, they tend to look for a way out.
    I hate to say it cause it's hurtful, but I agree.

    In fact my own dad did exactly that; he was very unhappy married to my mom, stayed married for the kids (which was a mistake but that's another thread), and to manage his unhappiness, he took a second job on Saturdays selling real estate even though we were already well off financially (dad was a successful attorney), and had affairs.

    Not proud to admit that about my own dad but it's true.

    I am not saying this is for sure what's going on in your situation, but it's possible.

    Would you consider having a heart-to-heart and asking him if he's been happy/unhappy?

    Often times, people can go through the motions of being happy, their partner thinks they're happy, when the truth is they're very unhappy and use distance as a way to cope.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like he does not want the responsibility of a partner. That being the case, don't give him the benefits of having a partner. The sooner you are free, the sooner you can be happy and find a more stable less selfish man.

  11. #30
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    How long is he away from you due to this long distance job? How often will you see him?

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