Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Don't know what I'm doing

  1. #1

    Don't know what I'm doing

    I'm 32, met a family friend at 19 hung out got close, had a kid. We didn't get along n had different personalities I broke it off but she got invited to stay at my parents house where I was because they wanted to see the baby. I was warned that she was hood, but getting regular sex blinded me for awhile. I tried to stay away but even though she got an apartment thru the government saying I wasn't around. Still stayed at my folks while I supported us with a full time job and school.

    It took me awhile to graduate so this was my situation for awhile. I started dating to let this be officially over. I slept in a separate room to avoid sex but many nights she would come over and start drama n get me kicked out of my own folks home, because of course they say my fault. I had a girl over at about 25 and slept with her in my room, n baby mom heard n got mad n hit me knocking out my tooth, it ended up costing me $40000.

    She stayed away for awhile but was given a key by my folks n invited back in. As much as I was pissed after a few years I made the habit of giving into sex , because I didn't want the drama at my folks n I was not only horny, we had an agreement that it was only physical but I was a fool to believe that.

    3 years ago she is now pregnant with a second child. I was not excited about this and was in denial because I didn't sex her regularly and I pulled out all the times I can remember (stupid I know)

    I ended up graduating after shortly after and got a good enough job to move out. She eventually moved out my parents house , who she was disrespectful towards FYI. I put myself of child support because every time I was to give her money she would cause a scene n say it wasn't enough. She hasn't not work for years n when she did it was about a year total at the parks and on weekends at a dentist.

    I thought things were settled until she showed up at my new apartment and demanded to come in because she thought I had a girl there. She broke a hole in my door and after the second time I had to call the cops.

    My new job took me overseas allot and the second time I went I met a woman who I got along with so we'll n loved. I told her about the one son n later mentioned that I had another which I had doubts about but I was still there the same (dna test later proved he was mines)

    Me and this girl overseas never intended to get serious because if the distance and I did not want to let her go n told her that I'd move there because I loved it there ( I genuinely did). She got pregnant about 7 month into the relationship.

    I applied for a few jobs over there but got none and stopped applying because I thought about the kids here, n was able to get them on most weekends. I feel like I owe them a father especially with their mom not being stable (not that I'm alot better, but def better).

    The baby overseas is almost due and i don't know what to do. I can't just leave here, I have a good job here and I think it'd be hard finding one there that pays the same, plus the kids. I don't want to not be there for her baby either since it was created out of "love" and I genuinely love her.

    Needless to say shes not happy with me now and said I manipulated her by telling her I would come and wouldn't mind being apart from the other kids n only visit. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't know what to do or what my future looks like. Feel alone n that I ed up not only my life but everyone else. I'm still lonely n would still like a traditional family but I'm thinking I should give up on that. Am I a ed up person?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,342
    Gender
    Female
    You've made some bad decisions but haven't we all. You're not the first person not to end up with the parent of your child and you won't be the last. I think it's your remorse, guilt and confusion that is crippling you. Take a breather for a moment and make a decision that's best for you and your kids. You may have to divide your time between seeing your kids. Be realistic about what's before you and acknowledge what's happened already. Think through it on your own terms and create your new reality because whether you like it or not your life is changing quickly. You can either accept the challenges and do your best to thrive or drown in them. Don't be afraid of doing the right thing for yourself or as a father.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,268
    Gender
    Male
    Couldn't the dentist she works for get you a better price than that?
    Originally Posted by RomainLee
    knocking out my tooth, it ended up costing me $40000. I put myself of child support because every time I was to give her money she would cause a scene n say it wasn't enough. She hasn't not work for years n when she did it was about a year total at the parks and on weekends at a dentist.

  4. #4
    Member EclipseCross's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Age
    26
    Posts
    25
    Gender
    Female
    We all make mistakes and that is completely normal. I think that you are in this situation because you change your mind too quickly.
    You need to choose one way and stick with it! Good luck!

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,445
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by EclipseCross
    I think that you are in this situation because you change your mind too quickly.
    ... and I think it's because he refuses to wear a condom.

    Dude, stay where you are because you have a good job which you will need to cover all that child support.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    14,666
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    ... and I think it's because he refuses to wear a condom.

    Dude, stay where you are because you have a good job which you will need to cover all that child support.
    I second this post. You're incredibly irresponsible and making bad decisions is an understatement. It's time for you to grow up, learn from this bad/irresponsible behaviour and step up to the plate now. You made your bed, now lie in it. Make sure you pay all child support.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •