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Thread: My bf dad died of cancer and now he is taking everything out on me (severely dep

  1. #11
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    His grief is no excuse to be abusive. None.

    Don't be his emotional punching bag and stay away from him.

    I'm sorry. No more alcoholics .

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, OP, but you've wasted 3 years of your life making excuses for this man, putting up with abusive behavior, trying to be "there" for him whatever that means. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he is just a sh$tty person regardless? 3 years is a long long time to get over grief, emotions, and deal with and accept the inevitable. What I'm saying is that grief is not an excuse for how he is acting and probably never was. Stop projecting yourself, your emotions, what you'd feel and want onto this man. He isn't you and he doesn't want what you want.

    If he wants out, use this to get out, move on and sit yourself down and figure out why you get sucked into this kind of drama. It's not healthy and you should have walked long ago. If you need to save someone, go save a dog/cat from a shelter. I'm serious here. Find a better, healthier and more rewarding outlet for your need to help and fix. You can't fix people.

  3. #13
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    He stopped when I was with him there. Tidy was the funeral and I haven’t heard from him a she’s blocked me in everything

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's not unusual for individuals like yourself (in relationships with those going through loss and grief) to need support also. I'm concerned that you've relied heavily on your boyfriend and the ongoings in his life with his dad and his dad's illness as a method of coping. At the loss of your boyfriend, you've lost yourself too because you relied on him and his world for too long. If you've thrown yourself into the role of caregiver and caretaker for a long time, your only downfall may be that you have placed too much emphasis on the caring of another person and not enough on yourself.

    This reiterates already what a lot of the other members have been saying. Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to exist independently of the loss and grief and outside of this relationship. It doesn't negate that it's there but it should allow you a different dimension of yourself, one that's able to stay grounded and clear even in your grief and sadness with the end of this relationship. Things will pass and get better over time. It's up to you whether you want to fight against that (self-sabotage) or welcome it completely.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is a blessing. You don't need an angry self absorbed problem drinker in your life. Don't try to fix or rescue people as a distraction from your own life and whatever your own stuff is. Work on that instead.
    Originally Posted by Habba712
    I haven’t heard from him a she’s blocked me in everything

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