Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Should I Wait For Her While Moving On With Life?

  1. #1

    Should I Wait For Her While Moving On With Life?

    Hello Everyone I was recently broken up with by my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. Our relationship was good one and we were very much in love for a long time we are best friends inside joke types talk on the phone every night and everything, but lately it has been on a downward spiral for the past couple of months, and she finally had enough.i talked to her because I recognized the problems that were going on and stuff that was happening because of me and stuff that was happening because of her. She told me she was tired of working on it because it felt like we were always working on it, and she's done. She told me she needs time to herself because she works 10 hour days and then comes home and talks to me and has no time to herself, and she wants her time. That work was stressful, and she hasn't been putting in effort for a while, and she should want to but not in the place in life where she can at the moment because she independent and her career.i left her alone for a few days then she text me wanting to come out to see me Saturday. We met up had a good time kissed and parted ways. We talked on the phone later that night, and she told me she has second thoughts and today felt different and good and can tell I changed. She also told me she needs space she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone and wants to do her own thing for a while she doesn't know how long. At the end of it, she told me she loves me, and she will comes back she doesn't know when but not anytime soon but when she dose it will be like we never left and to not put my life on hold for her. I told her don't lead me on and say that to which she replied she's not she needs time to heal from this past relationship where its not painful but when she's ready for a relationship with me she will reach out. I told her I believe her and to take care of herself I just want your thoughts on what I should do in this situation I haven't talked to her since.
    Last edited by kevin102k; 06-11-2019 at 07:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    546
    Gender
    Female
    I think you need to move on. When someone says he/she needs space and time alone, it's usually the kiss of death to a relationship. People try to ease the blow by making nebulous promises of some future contact, but it doesn't work that way.

    Don't cut yourself off from the dating world. Give yourself some time to get over this breakup and then rejoin society.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,879
    Gender
    Female
    If she's willing to risk losing you, then you have your answer.
    It's time to work on moving on.
    I am sorry.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,763
    Originally Posted by kevin102k
    She also told me she needs space she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone and wants to do her own thing for a while she doesn't know how long. At the end of it, she told me she loves me, and she will comes back she doesn't know when but not anytime soon but when she dose it will be like we never left and to not put my life on hold for her. I told her don't lead me on and say that to which she replied she's not she needs time to heal from this past relationship where its not painful but when she's ready for a relationship with me she will reach out. I told her I believe her and to take care of herself I just want your thoughts on what I should do in this situation I haven't talked to her since.
    This is just not realistic. She is either incredibly naive, or deliberately making flowery promises in an effort to soften the blow of the painful truth that she will likely not return.

    Even if she did someday find her way back to you, it won't be like she never left. A couple that breaks up and eventually reconciles rarely ever picks up right where they left off, like nothing changed. A break-up changes a lot. Some couples do work through this, but you have to be willing to confront the issues that led to the split in the first place. It would actually not be wise to try to go back to the way things were because, well, that evidently didn't work the first time around.

    My guess is that she is not that experienced in relationships, or hasn't had the unpleasant job of being the dumper, or she wouldn't be telling you she will be back but in the same breath that she has no idea when and that you shouldn't wait. I remember once telling an ex something similar, when I was younger and less mature about such things. I felt horrible hurting him so I vaguely said we would someday work things out because I foolishly thought it would help him feel better. It did, temporarily, until I had to admit even to him that we weren't going to get back together. I genuinely didn't intend to string him along, but I also didn't stop to think that he put that much weight into those words. When I realized he did, and was holding out hope, I had to be honest and respectfully step away from his life completely.

    I would thus suggest you not wait around for her. Might she be back? Anything is possible. But it would be better to operate under the assumption that you two have closed your chapter together so you can begin healing and be in a stronger place to deal with whatever life brings you next.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,132
    Gender
    Female
    I know the breakup is fresh, and it's really hard when the person is saying nice and hopeful things, but I'm with the others. Words are really cheap. Especially words that indicate something may or may not happen in the future.

    I had a man pour his heart out and sob while he told me that he loved me and always would love me the last time we ever spoke. We dated about the time you and your girlfriend did and lived together for a year. He had been a good friend of mine for almost ten years at that time. Turned out he had cheated on me with a coworker and got into a relationship with the girl not even a month later.

    I guess one could say that in the moment he meant what he said, but I don't believe that. He felt guilty for wanting someone else and said what he could to soften the blow. Your ex is doing the same to you.

    Take solace in knowing it comes from a place of caring about you. Then, move on.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    616
    I think you should give her what she wants which is lots of time and space. Either she'll come around on her timeline or your relationship with her will fizzle, fade away, run its course or ultimately end in breakup. Be prepared for all scenarios. It's time to be prepared to move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,303
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry this is happening. Do you see each other every night or just communicate every night? It sounds like she feels smothered so giving her space is a good idea. Did she meet some else? It seems her sudden need for 'alone time' may be related to that. All you can do is stay no contact.
    Originally Posted by kevin102k
    She told me she needs time to herself because she works 10 hour days and then comes home and talks to me and has no time to herself, and she wants her time. She also told me she needs space she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone and wants to do her own thing for a while she doesn't know how long.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,336
    .i talked to her because I recognized the problems that were going on and stuff that was happening because of me and stuff that was happening because of her. She told me she was tired of working on it because it felt like we were always working on it, and she's done.

    Please explain this?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,371
    Gender
    Female
    When a woman says she's done, she's plain done. Let that override any other fluffy words which, in her mind, lets her ease out of the relationship with less drama. When a woman frees you to be with other women, she no longer cares. And know that past behavior predicts future behavior. If she took you back, after the newness wears off, she'd likely dump you again.

    Either consider the problems she spoke of are issues you can work on for better success in a future relationship, or come to grips that you two weren't compatible. Go no contact so you can have closure.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    The emerald city
    Posts
    736
    Gender
    Male
    Should I Wait For Her?
    No.

    Get on with your life.

    And if she wants to "meet up" again, politely ask why. If the answer is anything other than she wants to get back together, politely say no.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •