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Thread: My ex texted me happy birthday after 3 weeks no contact

  1. #1

    My ex texted me happy birthday after 3 weeks no contact

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue.. took her family, our friends and I by surprise. Begged and pleaded like a fool for 3 weeks, but on and off. Not everyday. finally met in person she grabbed the rest of her things from my house and she was very emotional. Crying and hugging me a lot. I cut off contacting her after that to make her feel like I was finally gone. 3 weeks pasted of no contact and my birthday was yesterday.. I was actually shocked to have her text ďHappy birthday blank!!!! I hope it was a good one!!Ē I replied ďThanksĒ 4 hours later. Guess I want to hear some thoughts. Also 1 week after no contact she was viewing all my stories on IG, and we are not following each other so she was going out of her way to view them. I put my profile on private shortly after I saw her name popping up

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Classic breakup stuff. She probably wonders what you are up to. Holidays tend to be painful for the first year (if it was a serious long-term relationship). What was her reason for ending it?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Just keep doing your own thing and best not to overthink it. After my last break up I remembered to ask for space and privacy so it was an agreement between us not to contact each other under any personal/private circumstances. The ironic part was that it was a few months later when I realized after a move that I couldn't locate a prized and most valuable hiking book which had been with me through many trips and had a very sentimental splotch of dried/semi wiped off owl poo when I was hiking a particular trail. Yes, I was hiking and had an owl poo all over my head and on my book. I thought he might have had it and so I contacted him. That's the only time I've contacted an ex for something that meant a lot to me.

    I'd put these thoughts away and try not to overthink it. Keep on with your healing process and moving forwards.

  4. #4
    The day she ended it was after drinking heavy with both our families, that day she was saying how happy, in love and so excited for our future plans etc and told her parents I was the ďoneĒ. And exited to move in with me. Anyways the reason was my Temper... which yes I get frustrated when Iím working on the house at times, or tearing apart a motor. And the times Iíve gotten frustrated at things were never directed toward her. Could I handle myself a little better, yes but itís not like Iím punching holes in the walls or throwing things. When we met in person she said she fell out of love with me but would hug me tight for over a minute. The signs of her falling out of love werenít there before the break up. Thatís a different topic but it was a excuse. I think sheís confused and scared about something. Just think itís weird how she become curious when I cut contact and wished me a happy birthday
    Last edited by AnonymousQ; 06-11-2019 at 07:44 PM.

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  6. #5
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    It doesnít mean anything. I know thatís incredibly painful and I know you really want it to... but the reality is that she knew it was your birthday - and letís be real - she knew it was probably a pretty crappy day because of her. She was trying to make herself feel less guilty.

    If it meant something, she could have easily asked if she could take you out for a coffee or a cupcake or whatever. And Iím sure she knows the answer would have been ęyesĽ. But she didnít. All you got was a generic text. The least effort she could put forth short of doing nothing.

    I know breakups are incredibly painful. More so when itís out of the blue and it feels like something that could be worked on. Iíve been there. Itís devastating. But honestly... the sooner you cut off those thoughts and move on the better.

    Iím so sorry. Happy belated birthday.

  7. #6
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    OP, I've done this before w ex's.

    Not out of guilt, I genuinely thought I was being thoughtful, not realizing hearing from me wasn't thoughtful at all cause it set him back and made him feel worse.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AnonymousQ
    The day she ended it was after drinking heavy with both our families, that day she was saying how happy, in love and so excited for our future plans etc and told her parents I was the ďoneĒ. And exited to move in with me. Anyways the reason was my Temper... which yes I get frustrated when Iím working on the house at times, or tearing apart a motor. And the times Iíve gotten frustrated at things were never directed toward her. Could I handle myself a little better, yes but itís not like Iím punching holes in the walls or throwing things. When we met in person she said she fell out of love with me but would hug me tight for over a minute. The signs of her falling out of love werenít there before the break up. Thatís a different topic but it was a excuse. I think sheís confused and scared about something. Just think itís weird how she become curious when I cut contact and wished me a happy birthday
    Ah, I see. I am not trying to kick you when you're down, but anger problems are a very legitimate reason for ending a relationship. Typical of people with anger problems, you downgraded the importance of expressing anger in a healthy way, as well as how much your unchecked anger affects your partner. I wouldn't stay with someone who was in denial about an issue like their temper. It's difficult to develop emotional regulation skills as is, but if you're someone who doesn't view unchecked anger as a problem, there's zero chance it will ever get better.

    I also wanted to comment on your assumption about her mental state. It isn't uncommon for people to attribute both confusion and fear to someone who dumped them without any evidence. Actually, she is likely the one who is not confused and ready to move forward (even if she does care about you on some level), because she ended the relationship. I am sorry you are in pain, but you've read way too much into a three word text. Don't contact her and work on healing.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You handled it well when you replied "Thanks." If her contacting you bothers you, then tell her that you prefer the no-contact rule from now on. Tell her if she doesn't respect your wishes, you will ghost and block her. It's unhealthy to resume contact after breakup and / or estrangement. Once it's over, it's really OVER.

  10. #9
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    Means noting. Block her so you can move on.

    Deal with your anger issues.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Texting you Happy Birthday doesn't mean anything substantial. It's just trying to be cordial and can be motivated by guilt, having nothing better to do, thinking that "it is the right thing to do", trying to be nice to someone who used to be close with etc. Don't assign any meaning to it. Sadly, it's nothing to feel hopeful about.

    On another issue, you seriously need to work on any anger issues you may have for the shake of your future relationships. Anger is negative energy and it does affect the person who witnesses it on a regular basis even if it's not addressed to them. No one likes to see their loved one regularly angry / distressed and having to hear rants/ shouting/ complaining on a regular basis even if it's about other people. No one wants to spend the rest of their life around such negativity. Plus, whether you want to admit it or not, chances are that it would be only a matter of time before you turn that anger to the person closer to you i.e. them. It could be years down the line but in time it would happen, once relationship complacency sets in. Your anger is toxic for those who witness it even if it's not them you are angry at.

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