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Thread: I feel stuck in life and feel like I have no real friends

  1. #1
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    I feel stuck in life and feel like I have no real friends

    I have felt lke this on and off in my life ever since I was a teenager. In my teens it was really , like I'd force myself to go to places I didn't really enjoy and hang out with people I wasn't very fond of just so I wouldn't be alone. I don't even like to remember my teenage years because to me it was a really dark place where I had no friends at all and nothing was actually truly fun. As I got old my social life started getting real "busy", suddenly I became this super extroverted person (more or less around when I was 22 and ended an abusive relationship), going out every weekend and on weekdays also, always had something to do and ever since I have been really enjoying and living my life in the sense of going out and having fun. I always to places I love and hang out with people I get along with and really have no complaints in THAT sense of feeling alone.

    But... I've had some horrible break downs this year. I'm at a place in my life where I most people my age are acomplishing something and I'm stuck in this 8-18 job, 5 days a week where most of the days I have nothing to do, I regret choosing this career path and I've tried changing and applying on other areas but they won't accept me since I graduated in Fashion and I want to work with marketing but obviously they'll choose . I don't hate my job, my previous job was much worse to the point where we barely had toilet paper and I had no windows in my office and in the summer I'd feel sick from being so hot inside and having no ventilation. So this place I'm at is WAY better and I actually have some dignity. But it's far from being somewhere I want to be at. I see my friends happy at their jobs, reaching sucessful spots and I'm STUCK. I'm stuck and I don't see a way out and I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm not deserving of having a good job, of earning good money.. I feel like after so many years trying to get a job that is something I can actually dedicate myself to, I always find myself getting stuck in these jobs that make you work like a slave and pay you barely anything.

    I'm not pitying myself, but I just everyone accomplishing things and I'm here thinking that these past 3 years there's nothing about myself I'm proud of. I never have enough money to travel, to buy myself something (really) nice... Don't get me wrong, I've always had an above average financial state. My dad is a sucessful man and he is my biggest inspiration. But I want to have my own money, I want to pay my own trip to Europe like everyone my age is doing, I want to be able to just not go to work one day so I can make it up on some Saturday so I can travel somewhere. I want to feel like I'm a 25 year old woman like everyone around me feels yet I feel like I'm still a teenager, like time has stopped for me and I've been 3,4 years earning the same amount of money and earning very little experience at my job because most of the time there really is nothing to do... I'm always hired to do the "extra job", the things that get left and someone has to fix. I don't feel important, I feel useless. Every single day of my life. And sometimes I cry, I cry before going to bed and I just wish this would all end... I just with I could be meaningful to myself and to someone. No one truly cares about me, except my boyfriend who I don't think is the one for me because we have the same unresolved issue going on for almost a year... besides him, people just don't remember me. I have a group of friends and they always invite each other out and they always "forget" about me unless it's something big. They even invite my BF who became friends with them after me.

    I'm invisible to everyone, and I just can't stand being STUCK anymore, I can't stand this life that has been the same ing thing for years and when I look back there's nothing I'm proud of, nothing really big I've ever done and when I look at the future I can't see myself in a good place either... I've tried being positive, I wake up everyday happy, put on make up and I love dressing nicely but at the end of the day the feeling of uselessness is always the same. I'm tired, I feel like time has stopped and I'm just existing...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think some career counseling would benefit you and also some therapy to get rid of your negativity. You do sound like you are having a major pity party even tho you may not think so.

    If you want to get into marketing, see if you can do it online or go to class part time. My son went to college for 2 yrs to get a marketing degree and it's helped him immensely in his life. He runs his own business now. Would you want to be an entrepreneur and start your own business? It's very rewarding to start and build up something for yourself.

  3. 06-11-2019, 04:06 PM
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    Disrespectful/Flaming

  4. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    25 isn't a very long time to establish yourself.. I think you're coming down a little too hard on yourself there. No one really has anything figured out by 25. Relax and give yourself time to grow.

    Be kind to yourself and if marketing is your thing keep fueling your fire and motivation to grow and learn. Work smart, not just hard. You may be stuck at a position you don't like now but you should have a plan for yourself and learn from the experience in order to move towards something better. Take it easy. Surround yourself with more positive influences and role models, plan realistic goals and work towards them within a realistic timeline. It takes time.

  5. 06-11-2019, 04:19 PM
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    Reference to deleted post.

  6. 06-11-2019, 04:22 PM
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    Reference to deleted posts.

  7. #4
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    Starting out in any career field can feel lonely and challenging. Try not to think negatively, it will only be self-defeating. When you start to think negatively about yourself, such as thinking you don't deserve a better job or to be around friends, try to think about whether you would say that to or about someone you admire and respect. I wish you the best.

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  9. #5
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    To me it sounds like you're suffering from untreated depression. I think the first thing you might want to do is see a doctor and get some treatment.

    Besides that, you say your degree is in fashion. Have you ever thought about moving to a larger city? Or getting training to do something you'd really like to do? It seems that you're just sitting around wallowing in sorrow over your life when you could be taking steps to improve it.

  10. #6
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    Well, I can see why you would feel frustrated because I've definitely been in those positions where I hated my job and felt stuck there. I think that maybe the key to be happy in life is to consciously choose work and relationships and friendships that are good for you and you actually enjoy. You do have a career in a sense, and a boyfriend and friends, but what is making you miserable is that they don't seem to be right for you. I think that maybe what you need to work on is realising that something is not working out and not keep staying in that situation.

    Especially regarding the friends, I think while it's hard to cut them off and of course scary to be alone, it may need to be done. When your friends often invite each other out and even invite your boyfriend, but not you, I think it means they're not real friends. I think they obviously don't really care how you feel and they're also very rude.

    They were your original friends and to invite only your boyfriend, but not you is in my opinion really bad. People often invite someone's partner to things anyway because that's generally the right thing to do. But not to invite you when YOU are meant to be their actual friend is quite disrespectful. I personally think you need to distance yourself from these friends or dump them completely unless they change their behaviour.

    If you want to have more friends, you could try all sorts of avenues to meet new people. I think at 25 you are definitely not too old to achieve anything you want and to turn your life around the way you like it. You just have to start trying and ditching things that are not good and don't make you happy.

    I actually had a bit of a late start myself regarding education, career and even some friendships. I think the idea is to not limit yourself and try all the options possible. I was doing a Bachelor of Psychology after finishing school and I have mild ADHD, so I was always struggling with it. In the meantime I just worked in retail for eight years just to make ends meet. I failed quite a few subjects and at the age of 26 actually got expelled for one year from the university. I decided not to waste the year and enrolled in a Certificate 4 in Mental Health. I actually really loved the course, got to do an internship through it, and also met my best male friend there. Then I returned to university and continued slowly doing the degree. I only finished the degree at the age of 31. I'd also done a Diploma in Disability. At first I had no experience in the field, so I volunteered and eventually got paid work. Now I've been working in the welfare field for six years. Also I met my other best friend when I was 26 too through a Meetup.

    Sorry to go on about myself but I was just telling you all that to show you that it's definitely possible to get anything you want when you're older. You could even completely leave the fashion industry, leave your boyfriend and ditch your friends. If these things are making you so unhappy then why continue with them?

    You could study a course online or at night school, or do volunteering/internship that may lead to a job. You can meet new friends through study, Meetups, hobby classes, even apps like Patook or Bumble BFF. I think the issue is you've always just settled for things, like hanging out with people you don't like, job you don't like, boyfriend you don't like. You DON'T have to do that.

  11. #7
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Try joining organizations, clubs, meetups or something where you'll have something in common with. Perhaps it could be your profession, exercise group / sports, hobbies or anything that interests you. It's a good way to meet people and people know other people. It's a good way to get connected whether socially or networking for a better job. If you're on social media such as FB, network there and through LinkedIn, too. You have to start somewhere.

    You need to put yourself out there because people will not come to you.

    Other people are very busy with jobs and hours similar to yours. They make time to socialize as can you.

    You were once extroverted so try to have an outgoing personality despite your previous abusive relationship.

    There are ways to enjoy life on a tight budget.

    Do something about it. Take action in order to improve your lot in life. You can do this!

  12. #8
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    You are not stuck, you go back to school.

    I too, started in fashion, but didn't like it due to the instability. I returned to school and pursued another degree- actually, I have done this twice. Many people do. There is not excuse to stay where you are if you are not happy!

    Get some therapy for your negative behavior. You are the only one who is responsible for your future and happiness.

  13. #9
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    Did your bf ever get a job? He is a loser who sleeps till noon and drinks every night. You also pay much of the time for him.

    Also, losing the one-sided relationship would be a great start to improve your life. We have all advised you to leave him, over and over, yet you stay. I wonder why you ask for advice, as you never follow it.

    You have chosen to keep yourself in a position which is not healthy.

  14. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    One problem with depression that can make it so debilitating is that it sinks you into a feeling of inertia that seems as though it has 'always' been this way, and so it WILL always be this way, despite memories of times when you felt lifted enough to enjoy certain periods and aspects of your life. So one giant goal of revamping all aspects of your life can feel too overwhelming to know where to start. If you are struggling with depression, making major changes can be equivalent to asking someone with a broken leg to run a marathon.

    So, I'd take a two-pronged approach: first, I'd pursue an appointment with a therapist for an assessment, and second, I'd break down each aspect of my life that I find unfulfilling into 3 categories--social, love life and career, and I'd start jotting down potential baby steps in each area that I might consider pursuing in order to shift a few bricks in my wall.

    The reason I'd pursue a therapist rather than a medical doctor is that psychologists and social workers are not only trained to assess for depression, they can present options for treatment that they will monitor. While this may include a referral to a doctor for drug treatment, that's only one option, and if you choose it, the therapist is also trained to monitor the effects of your treatment in ways that a regular doctor cannot invest the time. While a doctor can see you for followup visits where you report side effects or progress, a therapist is trained to listen for key markers that can prompt recommendations to your doctor for most accurate changes. In addition, a therapist can offer behavioral tools and techniques to try out and learn what works, what doesn't, and what could work with customization.

    As for your private steps toward changes, you can make lists and discover over time which small steps are successful and can inspire larger steps in the right direction versus those that still feel too big for you to take on. The foundational goal is movement--even in small increments--where little successes can build confidence in your ability to get more creative and pursue bigger changes.

    Nothing happens in a vacuum. Expecting to change everything at once can keep you paralyzed, so focus on one area at a time. Avoid glomming every problem into a giant abstraction, because nobody can tackle those--not even on a good day. Skip drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of by being kind to yourself and switching the inner voice you run in your head away from being your own harshest critic to a voice of an encouraging coach. You'll notice over time that your default voice will start to make changes easier on yourself rather than harder.

    My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll update us with your progress.

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