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Thread: Dumper sends apology email

  1. #1
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    Dumper sends apology email

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me one week before our one year anniversary and our first trip together. It's already 1 month post break up. He was so cold to me when we broke up, he didn't want to work anything out and was set on his decision.

    He texted me on the 1st, 3rd to say that he misses me, and on last Wednesday he sent me that super long email apologizing… I really don't understand this email. It feels like he's venting how he feels and apologizing. It's been a week since I receive this email and I haven't respond because I really don't know what to say.

    Part of me wants to message him back but part of me doesn’t. I feel like if a man really loves you he will above and beyond to get you back. Plus if he was willing to lose me that mean he doesn’t value me enough.


    I know I should not be sending this and be tough and cold to protect you but I can’t. I just can’t keep my feelings to myself anymore. Not when it comes to you…

    You were right about one thing and I was unfortunately right about one thing:

    1. You were right about the fact that (I know I said my decision didn’t have anything to do with it), I broke up because I was actually exhausted by constant doubts (e.g. a boy, a liar, some kind of man that I never wanted to be), by constantly feeling like I “owe you” in this relationship (you keep saying that you always drive to me, I don’t meet your needs and me keep asking you to bear with me…) and feeling like I have to choose between my goals and your happiness. I realize you were right about this because when I think of you, I first think of millions of beautiful traits and memories such as our first date, the Zoo, our soccer/basketball day here, Capitola, your time with my mom, me buying medicine for J, my bromance with J, your time with my mom and most importantly, how complete I felt having you as my partner in my life…

    But I also think about, “I wasn’t a boy afterall ..., was I?”, “the next boy will take advantage of her because I somewhat showed her, not all men are the same”, “you don’t have to drive to me anymore.”, “you don’t have to hold your life back for my goals or help me with chores.”, “you can go hiking now as much as you want to.” and so on… The fact that I think about all this, you were right, I got tired by accusations or feeling like making my girlfriend not happy.

    2. I was right about the fact that when I said I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision. Well, I did not. I had this immense pressure on me for the better part of our relationship that I shouldn’t waste your time, I’m the one driving the relationship and if I’m ever in doubt, I should end it right there and then, that you’re a single mother in your late twenties and have no time to waste etc. etc.

    Life is not as predictable as we think, certainly not our relationship…

    Since day 1 of our breakup, I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt in my life for so many reasons on top of which the pain I caused on you. I apologize with my whole being but to me, apologizing doesn’t even do anything. I just want you to know 2 things:

    1. Forgiving myself for the pain I caused on you will be nearly impossible. To me, you’re an innocent, beautiful flower that I tore a few leaves from. A flower that I loved with 100% honesty. This is why, I’m not sure if I will ever be able to forgive myself.

    2. I’ve hurt, cried and suffered a lot for our breakup. No, not for our breakup, losing you. Including today, crying in my car while driving from .... to home. My pain can never be comparable to yours but I’m also in a deep deep pain.

    My last thought is, to this day, I’ve always thought that there was a true angel living with us and that was my mom. Now and always in the future, I’ll think that there are two of them.


    Is this an apology email, I want to get back together or closure? Because he already sent me a closure email

  2. #2
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    Have you interacted with him at all during the 1-month break up? Did you respond to any of his previous texts/emails?

    If you have gone completely no-contact with him since the break up, this email is clearly an attempt by your ex to get some kind of a response out of you. It isn't a "let's get back together" email (because, otherwise, he clearly would have asked to get back together) it's a "can I get her to respond to me in some way" email.

    If you have been no-contact since the break up, it's clearly hitting a nerve with him. He's looking for reassurance that he still has some kind of hold over you. In your shoes, I would not take the bait and I would continue with no-contact.

  3. #3
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    May 24th was the last time I had communication with him and picked up my belongings from his house. From that point forward I have been in NC with him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    From the letter alone, he doesn't want to be with you again. He has doubts about the relationship and the rest was an expression of his difficult emotions. Due to whatever chemistry you both shared, this relationship was not healthy and seemed to have trust issues embedded along with issues surrounding ambition and motivation, self-worth or identity. This is not a good mix.

    It might be preferable to stay no contact and resist the urge to respond as this email was more emotional than it was to send any message in particular. It was more for him than it is for you. It might be time to really let go.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Is this an apology email, I want to get back together or closure? Because he already sent me a closure email
    What a manipulative coward. Why on earth does he keep sending you emails about HIMSELF and how he is feeling? What is wrong with him?

    Do yourself a favor and block and delete him so he can't keep this poor me attitude with you that just confuses you and prevents you from moving on from him.

    If he wanted you back, he wouldn't need to whine like he is... he would simple tell you he made a mistake breaking up with you and would you like to meet up to discuss the prospect of getting back together. Those letters are self-absorbed and actually quite cruel to be sent which just keeps you mired in his DRAMA.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Apologies like these serve one purpose - so he can feel better about himself. That and I read it as playing the blame game. You were so much work you forced him to do it. No where in this does he suggest he wants to reconcile.
    I'd block him, honestly.
    You don't need to be his sounding board. He needs to vent to friend or a therapist. Not you.

  8. #7
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    Yeah I forget what it's called when people do this (there is a name for it) but he's basically using you as his emotional garbage can, because he feels guilty.

    I too think he's looking for a response from you, perhaps an "awe I'm so sorry you're struggling" or something like that to show you still care and not mad at him.

    From what I understand, men just cannot stand when their ex's are mad at them especially after they (the man) dump them.

    It's up to you whether or not you want to respond, I really can't say if I would or not.

    My logical brain would say no, but my emotional brain might say yes. So tbh I'd be torn.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be glad he is gone. This letter is self-serving drivel written by a self-important whiny schmuck. Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. If he circumvents this and sends any letters to your address, write 'return to sender' on it and drop in a PO box. Don't let negativity like this into your life.


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