Issues with in laws

[Hollyj]

Freeloaders always have such a sense of entitlement and are the biggest complainers..

Stop sponging off of people, it is parasitic!

[rainy446]

Read the bolded. Where do the "two become one" figure into that. There is no WE there.

People don't get married just because of being apart or loving eachother. Loving eachother is the start. Then they talk about the other things to see if they make a good life match. When you marry someone, you also marry into their family. You talk about money, faith, kids, and maybe loving the person is not enough because you are not a match. You married a man that will steamroll you and not consider your opinion. If he were to rent a small apartment with you for a year and then look for the right house TOGETHER when you are both settled into your jobs, etc, that is doing things as a team. His want to own a home outweighed every other aspect of your lives - he does not care about privacy as newlyweds or anything else.

I agree with everything you said apart from “marry to family”
That’s just not realistic. That’s tooooo much pressure and it’s really not realistic. No matter how well you have known your partner you still have issues here and there and imagine having to work things out same way with entire family just unrealistic. So “marrying into a family” is just absolutely unpractical

[rainy446]

What cultures are you both? That may play a part in why your husband extended family live with you and why your husband disregarded your feelings.

What was the plan job wise once you moved and got settled? It isn't easy depending on where in the UK you live. I don't think your free loading, your husband knew you would be moving without a job and it is his job to manage his family, not excuse their behaviour. Paying his mum £50 seems unfair if it is his house and you're married, paying a contribution with your husband for utilities and mortgage is fair once in a job and earning a regular income.
Honestly though, if it was me I would up and leave, he sounds like a mummy's boy without a spine and you deserve better.

He’s Christian and I’m hindu. thank you for not considering me a free loader because everyone here just has concluded me to be one.

[rainy446]

A partner in a caring relationship discusses major decisions like buying a house with his spouse. How long have you been married? I highly doubt you agreed this was a good decision because you don't get along with his family. Did he not ask you or did he ignore your wishes? If so, why do you want to stay married with a man who doesn't have your best interests at heart?

No matter how much I love my husband, if he went through with this sort of arrangement, it'd be a dealbreaker for me. I'd rather live alone than be subjected to that toxic environment every day, including a husband who disregards my wishes.

He knew I wasn’t keen on the decision but he chose to make it because he just was too excited of the idea of having house eventually and I think he didn’t wanna wait for us and also maybe he just didn’t believe in “us”, for him having ownership was important I guess I was secondary choice. That’s what I’m beginning to think. I know I’m in wrong that I don’t work but I have been having quiet hard time here since people at home aren’t that friendly it scares me going out “out”. There have been times I have cried thinking something is wrong with me.

[j.man]

I did ask him to wait but he couldn’t be patient since he considered it an opportunity to have something on his name instead of paying rent.

Patient about what? Picking up for your share of the rent instead of your share of the house payment now? People would have a much more valid point about waiting to go in with you if we weren't here six months later only for you to be dragging your feet to work even just part time and contribute the smallest of amounts, why? Because you wanna use the resentment you have for his brother to skirt your basic responsibilities as a grown adult? And on that note, I do find it interesting you're all about being "one" when it comes to sharing credit for your husband paying the entire mortgage payment, yet when it comes to you arguing the futility of working part time to chip in, "you" would only be left with 250£. I'm sorry, but intentionally or not, it sounds like he actually made the correct decision if building some equity was a goal of his, no matter how sloppy this situation may be.

Pretty much everything you've presented smacks of your idea of riding his coattails simply not working out as expected. And what I find even more humorous is for all your griping, you can't even provide it a sliver of dignity qualifying any of it with how much you've struggled to find work and how much it sucks to not be able to chip in as a partner. Instead, the mother doesn't cook for you, doesn't like your guacamole, the brother smokes weed, and you're dreading the idea of contributing a whole 50 quid. You're complaining, not doing. Nobody is going to respect that.

[kamurj]

The thread has run its course, closed.