Stuck in life

My story began more than 4 and a half years ago. I met my current boyfriend online(let's name him Y.).We lived in different cities and in the beginning we were only talking. We met after six months and we had a long distance relationship for another 6 months. He keeps saying he wanted us to live together. And we did that. I quit my job, packed most of my things and moved in with him. At first, I was staying home taking care of the house and his kid (Yup, he have a son who will turn 12 this year and Yes, even thou Y.is divorced and his ex-wife got the right on the kid he was living with his dad. Truth is - his mom didn't want him, so she ditched him to his dad and went to live her life.) I was feeling like a babysitter - an idea that wasn't very appealing to me, even more so since he is a kid who obviously has special needs. I wanted to go back to my hometown. I stayed...I won't lie - I didn't and still don't like his kid - let's call it M.Besides the autism M. have, he has other mental issues which maybe I wasn't ready to deal with. Anyway, I tried and for a like year and a half I was doing anything I can to form a bond with him. I did take care of him - waking him up, making him breakfast, getting him ready for school, then picking him after, helping him with studies, playing with him when he wanted. I was feeling sympathy for him, trying to understand how he feels. His parents divorced, juggling between his mom and dad, didn't understand why he can't be with both at the same time.No friends, an outcast at school, he was living in his world of computers and TV. Some may say - poor kid and I thought so too to some point...But he was aware of the situation and I saw how he manipulated everyone around him. If someone refuses to give him something he'll start whining how his mom and dad divorced and how sad he is, that he is so lonely and no one loves him - and he gets what he wants right away. Even if he doesn't really want anything, he'll say "buy me" and the moment he gets it(which is right now) it will be thrown somewhere. His family from both sides were feeling guilty and they never refuse anything he wants.

At some point, his mom (let's call her A.) got pregnant from her boyfriend and they decided to live together, so M. went to beg his mom to take him too. And so she did, but with that M. attitude towards me changed. The little progress I had and the bond I established with him went to drain. Suddenly he started to hate me very much. Even before I have a chance to say "Hi" he'll come to punch me or kick me for no reason and then run off. Things go on, M. kept his attitude - calling me names, cursing me, if we go somewhere ( the 3 of us) he'll ask me why I'm with them, that it will be so much better if I'm gone, that I'm useless and so on.

Y. never said anything to him and I was getting angry. What I had in answer was - "He's a kid."...And the next time it will be - " You're the adult, you can't be mad". I may be an adult, but I'm still human with feelings. I didn't want much - just some respect. I wasn't trying to replace his mom or insisted he has to love me - just respect, that's all. I realized that from the other side they probably trash talked about me even thou they don't know me. Then I stopped trying and started to avoid M., I refused to put up will all that. Y. noticed that and we talked about it.

And every few months we talk about this, because Y. keep saying I don't like M. and that my attitude changes when he comes. And I admit it, I don't like to be around his kid. I was thinking that maybe I'm a really bad person...I was completely honest with Y. so he won't have expectations from me. Even told Y. I don't believe M. is his son. When Y. telling me their story - how A. dated someone else and cheated on that person to be with Y. Then A. gets pregnant and Y. decides to take responsibility and marry her. And 5 years later she cheated on Y. to be with someone else - hence the divorce. No matter how I look at it they have nothing in common - looks,character...just nothing. And it made me start to wonder. But after 3 years he tells me he is not sure that M. is his son too.I'm pretty sure he won't make a DNA test thou. Besides, that won't change anything - they married before he was born and Y. give him his name.

Anyway, at some point, I started to work and I liked my job a lot. Five or six months after I began working I started to have some health issues. It turns out I have a heart problem - nothing life threatening as the doctors said, but I will need surgery to fix it. And a few months later it got worse - I found out I was pregnant. While others around me were happy about it, I wasn't. I was thinking - what a bad timing for that to happen... And of course my heart wasn't able to keep up, so I spend my entire pregnancy on the bed, staring at the ceiling...

Six months along I was getting dark thoughts - how my life sucks big time: I can't go to work, can't even get out of bed, etc. I was hating the fact I was pregnant, that I don't want the baby (don't get me wrong, I do love my baby now, she is my sunshine), that I won't be a good mom. There were problems when I went to give birth too. And then I spend another 2 months trying to recover from that. Depression hit me hard. All the time I had to spend in this house just laying in bed and do nothing..And then the lack of sleep and all the stuff that comes of taking care of a newborn. I was exhausted and I wasn't getting any help from Y. His life was - going to work, then to the new house, he bought. Of course, he wanted to make all the repairs so we can move in.Maybe he felt he have to work extra so we can make it. I tried to understand that,to be supportive and not whine...but in the end, I'm all alone here and we barely see each other. I even started to think he simply avoids me. He was the reason I moved here and we didn't do anything together anymore.

The situation with his ex-wife is also frustrating. They are divorced for 5 years now, separated from 7. She has a new man and 2 more kids, but Y. and A. religious marriage is still valid for God knows what reason( i don't know what the other guy is thinking). Y. doesn't care, he's like - "that doesn't matter to me". A. wanted to keep his name and he let her - again why not, right?

And the two times she went to give birth A. calls to ask for the divorce papers, cuz she lost hers. Yeah, if he doesn't want two more kids under his name he'll send it. And then there is that - on paper, she still lives on this address and she gets her mails here...

What does Y. says about that? - Don't care. Basically, they have separate lives, but they are not completely divorced, carrying the same names, live on the same address and he's OK with that? In what universe this is normal? And yes, I'm obviously an idiot...

Y. will never say anything to her - that will ruin their relationship... I mean toleration and he won't see his son so often...I'm trying to see things from his perspective but I just cant.

When it is just the two of us everything is fine, but when other people get in the pictures it's like a disaster. Since his parents live downstairs and I'm hearing about his ex-wife on a daily basis, you can imagine how happy I am. His mom says she doesn't like A., but I keep hearing about her - nonstop. Always comparing and telling me what she did or didn't do. Who cares? I sure don't.

When I stop and think about it - nothing changed. I mean, yes - we have a dog and a baby to take care of, but other than that our life is the same as before. And I can't say he does or treats me any different. Maybe I just run out of patience...

A lot of things in my current life makes me unhappy...

Will things get better if I leave? Will things get better if I stay? Obviously, I made a lot of mistakes, but the question is how do I fix them?