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Thread: Feel myself slipping away.

  1. #1
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    Feel myself slipping away.

    Please help. I have posted here before about my ex and we hadn't spoken for a couple of months because she deliberately ignored me. So I left her alone. I had been getting on with life, struggling but moving forward slowly. She seemed fine.
    Last week I went past her, the first time I had seen her since break up and I tried to say hello but she totally ignored me. I laughed it off and carried on. Later that day I received a text from her saying she did see me but I wasn't facing her so couldn't say hello.....I know this to be rubbish and I think she text because of guilt. Anyway she's been texting me ever since. She started off closed but has been getting more and more 'friendly' she keeps the convo going now, asks me questions, sends me links to things etc. I'm totally confused. I've tried to be reserved as I don't want to get hurt again. I'm still hurting because I still love her.
    I have also found out that she is chatting/ talking to another guy! At the same time as me....Knowing this has made me make a bad turn (she doesn't know I know) I'm losing my mind, the thought of them together, thinking what he has that I don't. He looks a brute of a guy, a bit rough etc not the type o thought she would like. She will messsge me back instantly then all of a sudden, ignore me for hours.
    I don't know what to do, I don't know where to turn, I feel sick to my stomach and I can't see a way forward right now, I suffer from anxiety and it's really bad I can feel myself slipping away :(

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    She likes the ego boost that you have a crush on her. She's getting what she wants--attention from a fan. It's doing the opposite for you so I don't know why you don't block her number. Your fate lies with someone else when you are emotionally ready to date again, which won't happen when you haven't thoroughly mourned this relationship and moved on. Stop checking on what's she's doing and with whom. It's setting you back to square one every day.

    It's hard to imagine right now, but once you get time and distance away from this relationship, you will realize it's best that it ended.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    She might think you two are at a place where you can be friendly again. It's normal to talk to more than one person when you're single and just have fun, but not when one of them is your ex.

    My take is that she is using you as an emotional comfort blanket while she dips her toes into the single waters. Clearly you are not benefitting from talking to her, so the best move would be to stop.

  4. #4
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    I think she knows I still have feelings, I'm not afraid to hide from this fact. We were together for three years so it's still very raw for me after only a few months we separated. I'm struggling to accept she can move on so fast. I know it's none of my business anymore, I even told her I want her to be happy...she didn't say it back to me.
    I'm also a bit worried for her, because I still care about her I don't want her getting hurt. He looks the type if you know what I mean and seems to have loads of girls following him. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.
    She deleted a few of her pics but has kept the ones that involved me. I've kept mine too. I wish her well, she seems to be doing fine I just get really angry and upset when I think of him with her

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    She likes the ego boost that you have a crush on her. She's getting what she wants--attention from a fan. It's doing the opposite for you so I don't know why you don't block her number. Your fate lies with someone else when you are emotionally ready to date again, which won't happen when you haven't thoroughly mourned this relationship and moved on. Stop checking on what's she's doing and with whom. It's setting you back to square one every day.

    It's hard to imagine right now, but once you get time and distance away from this relationship, you will realize it's best that it ended.
    Thanks Andrina. I still love her, it's very difficult for me to move on. Finding it very hard to accept at the moment. Emotions do crazy things to you

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't think her actions are sinister. She just doesn't know where you're at right now and she's not a mindreader. You bumped into each other in the same neighbourhood. To me, it seems more like she was caught like a deer in headlights, her first instincts were not to antagonize the situation and let you go peaceably on your way and her on her way. Or, as she says she didn't see you at all or you wouldn't have been able to see her without her drawing attention to herself unnecessarily. In hindsight she felt bad about it and overcompensated by being overly friendly. She's nervous about the break up and the way she may seem to others/you, the way I'm reading it. Also, she's moved on with someone else. Leave her alone.

    You have to learn to deal with your own responses, triggers and anxiety. If you know that part of your life is over, let it go and stop attributing this to love. Whatever your residual emotions are, it's over. Try and be realistic that that part of your life (aside from its lessons) doesn't serve any other purpose to you now. You're limiting yourself by continuing to speak to her or engage in those conversations that take you back to a past which has nothing to do with your future. Move on.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    I think she knows I still have feelings, I'm not afraid to hide from this fact. We were together for three years so it's still very raw for me after only a few months we separated. I'm struggling to accept she can move on so fast. I know it's none of my business anymore, I even told her I want her to be happy...she didn't say it back to me.
    I'm also a bit worried for her, because I still care about her I don't want her getting hurt. He looks the type if you know what I mean and seems to have loads of girls following him. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.
    She deleted a few of her pics but has kept the ones that involved me. I've kept mine too. I wish her well, she seems to be doing fine I just get really angry and upset when I think of him with her
    Her chatting to other guys is not a sign that she has dismissed the relationship she had with you.
    She might be chatting as a way of boosting her self esteem but not necessarily to start dating or enter a relationship anytime soon. Thatís you jumping to conclusions.

    It is not your responsibility to prevent her getting hurt. Thatís her own responsibility.
    It is your responsibility to prevent you getting hurt avd clearky this contact with her is hurting you. So end it.
    You donít need to tell her , you donít owe her that, just stop replying.

    How do you even know she is chatting to this guy?
    If you are still connected on social media then you have never gone NC.
    NC is no contact either direct or indirect.
    Remove her from your social media.

    I have pics of exes on my social media that I have not deleted going back 15 years! Why? Because I donít even think about those exes to even bother deleting. Keeping pics is not necessarily a positive sign. Itís more of an I donít care sign.
    Deleting pics however is more a sign of someone being upset or angry at the other.

    You contradict yourself by saying you want her to be happy but then getting angry at the thought of her with another guy.
    What if being with that other guy IS what makes her happy?

    What are you doing for yourself to get past this?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I don't think her actions are sinister. She just doesn't know where you're at right now and she's not a mindreader. You bumped into each other in the same neighbourhood. To me, it seems more like she was caught like a deer in headlights, her first instincts were not to antagonize the situation and let you go peaceably on your way and her on her way. Or, as she says she didn't see you at all or you wouldn't have been able to see her without her drawing attention to herself unnecessarily. In hindsight she felt bad about it and overcompensated
    She definitely saw me, she told me that in text. I do believe she might of panicked and didn't know what to do. I don't believe she is sinister too. She still carry on the conversation though, it's nice to talk to her but I know it's getting me nowhere. I think she knows I still like her. I have asked after breaking to try again. I've told her how I feel, and I asked for coffee. I left it after that and I also didn't keep texting her after she ignored me. If she hadn't of messaged me first I wouldn't be chatting to her now.

  10. #9
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    [QUOTE=Billie28;7136360]Thatís you jumping to conclusions.
    Yes I could well be

    It is not your responsibility to prevent her getting hurt. Thatís her own responsibility.
    It is your responsibility to prevent you getting hurt avd clearky this contact with her is hurting you. So end it.
    You donít need to tell her , you donít owe her that, just stop replying.

    Ok thanks. I know deep down it's nothing to do with me, it's just difficult for me to stop caring but she has her own mind I know that, it's none of my business

    How do you even know she is chatting to this guy?
    If you are still connected on social media then you have never gone NC.
    NC is no contact either direct or indirect.
    Remove her from your social media.

    We are still on social media, I unfollowed her to stop me seeing her. I was doing well, getting on with life until this new guy came and she started talking to me again

    I have pics of exes on my social media that I have not deleted going back 15 years! Why? Because I donít even think about those exes to even bother deleting. Keeping pics is not necessarily a positive sign. Itís more of an I donít care sign.
    Deleting pics however is more a sign of someone being upset or angry at the other.

    Yes that's true, I guess for me they are kept because it's too painful for me to delete at the moment, plus I don't know of I would because it's part of my history


    You contradict yourself by saying you want her to be happy but then getting angry at the thought of her with another guy.
    What if being with that other guy IS what makes her happy?

    That's true, I am. He could well do, then there is nothing I can do.

    What are you doing for yourself to get past this?
    Concentrating on work, keeping busy, doing my hobbies, etc

  11. #10
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    Rather than unfollow her, delete and block.
    Itís doing you no good and you know that!

    Leave her be.

    She doesnít need you to look after her well being just like you donít need her to look after yours.

    Stop trying to over analyse. Itís over. You know that, she knows that, we all know that.
    It hurts. We also all know that.
    But make it hurt less by removing her from social media.

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