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Thread: Where do I go from here ?

  1. #1
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    Where do I go from here ?

    Hi, as a quite inexperienced fella (and also someone who's back on the dating scene recently) i'd like to have some advice from you guys :

    Little Background : 23yo guy, only had 1 relationship of a year and a half, that ended 4 months ago, was hard for me back then but I'm in a really better place now, and I do feel my grief is over since a few weeks. I've never truly dated, also I feel i'm not really good at it (with my ex, I wasn't the one to initiate, properly speaking)



    So I've been talking to that new girl for a bit more than a month now (mostly by texting). I first met her a bit less than 2 years ago, back then I was with my ex and she was with hers, both happy in our relationships, so there wasn't anything flirty between us (even if I'm the kind of guy who never EVER sees when a girl gets flirty with me).

    Anyways, we hadn't contacted each other since last July, and six weeks ago I got in touch with her as I saw pictures of her in an Amusement Park I love, and so we started texting on a regular basis. I've started to like her (I was attracted by her looks at first, and turned out I really liked her personnality too).

    Now one thing I've learned from my past relationship is that I was too clingy, and one of my big flaws is that i'm really too much on my phone. I usually respond immediately when friends text me, unless i'm practicing a sport. Of course I didn't want to do that with this girl, so I always took my time to answer her texts, and she did pretty the same thing, even though eventually we always kept talking to each other.


    Anyways, as I started to like her, I invited her to the movie theatre on Thursday 2 weeks ago, which she answered in a really positive way (probably overanalyzing here, but when I asked if she would like to come and see the film with me, she was like "Yeah sure i would really like to ! ^^" when her texts were usually less cheerfull). So we got to watch the film together, I really enjoyed it and she also told me she did. After the film, we stayed together in her car untill like 2 AM, talking about everything, watching old photos, that was a really nice time, also I need to precise we didn't go any intimate (I'm really someone who takes things slowly) or didn't even talk about a relationship between us or anything. Anyways we left each other after this night, she told me she really appreciated it, and as she asked me to text her when I was home, I told her I really enjoyed the date (I'm not sure I can call that a date though) too.



    After that, we kept texting but I felt I was the one "leading" the conversation. Even if she often initiated by sending a photo, or a silly and funny meme, but as it made us start texting, she usually responded some things like "LMFAO that's so true", which made me feel like that was ending the conversation.

    Still I told her that "as we enjoyed the night out together we should do that again", and She said that "Yeah, we had a really good time". I offered her to go out and eat sushi during the week end, but she told me that she couldn't this week end as she was out of the city to see her Best Friend for 3 days (which is true though, as she posted and sent me some photos). Now next week end, I'm going to see my University friends 5 hours away.

    Anyways, this is where I stand, should I make more obvious to her that I'm interested ? Should I just backoff as my last proposition was declined ? Or should I ask her once again ?


    Sorry for the looooong story, with maybe some useless details, but I hope I can find some nice advice here !

  2. #2
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Some women are busy on the weekends with friends and family until you become a priority. Take her on a date during the week.

    And kiss her this time or she might loose interest.

  3. #3
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    The thing is that I live at a 1 hour ride from her place (except that on week-ends, I come home to see my family, which is 15 mins away from her, so definitely closer).

    Should I just ask her for a date during the week anyways ? Just being open, like "Hey, what about I come to *city where she lives* and go out for sushis with you some evening this week, would you like to ?" and see from here ? I don't want to sound too pushy, but maybe I should, just to make her understand that I'm interested ?

  4. #4
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    If she said she was out of town, i would have counteroffered "how does the next Thursday or saturday sound'. or "great, let me know when you get back what day works best"

    If i were you, i would not have sat in the car until 2, i would have found a coffee house or dessert place or something other than a loud bar that was open late to have a coffee/dessert and would have chatted there and kept it datey.

    I don't think you lost out. she sounds interested - just busy. Do not go for a kiss on the second date just because you think you should -- make other non-sexual physical contact first. You will knowif its right or not.

    Driving an hour is nothing in my city. Sometimes you can pick something halfway too. Yes, i would drive an hour for the date - and then you can mix it up meeting somewhere halfway or her coming your way to do something later if things progress.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I agree with suggesting to meet up with her midweek for dinner next week. Maybe suggest you each meet halfway?

  7. #6
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    Quick update guys, I offered to meet up on Thursday, which she responded quite positively at first, she seemed happy to get to see me. However, she also told me that she wouldn't want it to be ambiguous between us, as her last relationship ended 3 weeks ago (I didn't know this before yesterday) and she wasn't looking for another relationship at the moment and she needed to have some time alone, but she still would like to meet if there was no ambiguity.

    I thanked her for her honnesty, and I told her that she did good to tell me this, or there would have been false hopes as I started to like her and I wanted to see where this was going.

    I take this as a "I'm not interested in something more". Maybe I'm wrong though, but I feel like it is that. I think I should just try to move on, as she is clearly not available at the moment, ?

    Thanks for the advice !

  8. #7
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I wouldn't waste my time. Move on.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Agree, she is unavailable. Nothing more to see here, move along.

  10. #9
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    Yes, move on. If she feels ready to date down the road and contacts you, go from there.


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