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Thread: Grand finale of why do I love someone so terrible.

  1. #11
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Same here. Been there, done that.
    You won't get a lecture from me either. You stay in abusive situation long enough you lose your way.

    An old psychology analogy -
    `Put a frog into a scolding hot pan of water and it will jump out.
    Put that same frog in tepid water and turn the burner on low, increase it in same steady increments, it will stay in it and slowly cook itself to death.
    Yes it's very hard to get over that leap and to make positive changes. But there comes a time when you can't stay there in that situation anymore. You realize that you need to be strong and do what's right for you and to stop worrying about what others think. Not even him who always criticized me. Everyone told me I wouldnt get over him because they noticed I failed countless times. They said you need to get over him but you wont. Their lack of trust in me made me feel even more "stuck" as I already felt a lack of confidence in overcoming it.

  2. #12
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Better late than never. Good you ended it. Now you're free.
    Thank you :)

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    You go, girl! I'm proud of you. I'm glad you spoke up.

    You deserve a man who knows how to treat a lady with respect and love.
    Thank you :) I'm finally envisioning what that would look like. I always told myself that maybe if I fixed myself to his liking things would be better between us. But I need to fix me, for me, how I want it.

  4. #14
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Imagine it, then go get it. It's out there.

    I went out with a couple of girlfriends recently. One of them, who I know is with an assh*le of a guy, asked me, "Does your boyfriend get angry when you go out?" I said, "No. No way." She was dead serious. We're in our 40s. Her husband gives her the biggest bag of sh*t when she tries to go out with her friends. She's been with him for over 20 years now. They have four kids. She looked at me and said, "I can't leave now. Who would want me?"

    I have another friend who is with an abusive guy. She talks about the things he does matter-of-factly, like it's a badge of strength. No one showed up for her birthday party (which was held at a bar), he showed up at 1AM and then yelled at her in front of all the patrons. She didn't even seem phased. It's scary. I don't know how to understand her reaction. But she's gone from one abusive guy to the next, all of her life.
    That's terrible that your friends have to rely on your opinion of what is acceptable behavior and ask for advice about healthy relationships. I guess when you never had a positive relationship it is hard to envision it or know what is "right". I've never had a positive one, not even with family, so for me it is hard to set boundaries and not to blame myself. But I feel like I'm transitioning into someone who is more self reliant and trusts themselves to know right from wrong.

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  6. #15
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So Iím not getting an abused vibe here, Iíll go read your other post and edit to apologize but from what Iím reading it sounds like heís got some anger and maybe entitlement issues and you have your own and together itís just toxicity.

    I think relying on extremes is what keeps people stuck in toxic cycles. It did for me with my toxic as you put situationships, I donít think many realize but the anger phase youíre in right now? Itís all part of the cycle, itís as much a part of the addiction than the actual toxic events themselves. So I wonít bash you for going back, until you get off the roller coaster you will go back.

    It wasnít until I looked at my situation objectively, and not through dramatic eyes that I saw it for what it was and was able to walk away.

    Give it a try.
    Hmm I am taken by that you questioned my ability to Gauge an emotionally abusive situation. Either way. I agree with some things you are saying so I appreciate the comment. It is an addiction. Glad to hear people talk about these situations as addictions as those are typically not seen to exist through interactions with other people.

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