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Thread: hurtful and confusing ghosting / fading situation

  1. #11
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    I didn't say two dates was flakey, but three dates in a row? To me that qualifies as flakey.

    If you don't fio, that's fine, we all view things differently and have different standards.

    I also might think two dates is an unfortunate coincidence, the red flag for me is not offering to schedule another day.

    Okay a lot women don't know to do that so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on that.

    But then, after scheduling another date, she cancelled again because she claims she had "forgotten" she had already made plans? I mean like, come on now, seriously?

    It's been said time and time again, that we're all on our best behavior in these early stages.

    If this is her best, then I wish her luck.

    In this situation, I think his anxiety is justified.

    I've got my anxiety pretty much under control, but gotta say if a man I really liked behaved this way with me, I too would feel a bit anxious, my spiny senses would be in high gear and it would most likely be a next after only four months.

    JMO.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-10-2019 at 10:33 PM.

  2. #12
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    Also and jmo, cancelling with friends is a completely different thing.

    Like everyone says, when you meet someone you really like and begin dating, these early stages are when most of us are on our best behavior.

    It's also the time to determine if someone is the right fit for us.

    I will admit, when I was dating (pre-boyfriend) it wasn't often a man cancelled on me. In fact, I can't even recall a man cancelling. I am sure some did, I just can't recall.

    Nor did I cancel on him. If anything, I cancelled plans with friends to go out with him!

    Yes shyt does happen, and one time no biggee. But two in row, my bells start to ring. Then the third time, with him using the excuse he forgot he had made plans?

    No thank you. Not after only a few months.

    Just me.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Also and jmo, cancelling with friends is a completely different thing imo.

    Like everyone says, when you meet someone you really like and begin dating, these early stages are when most of us are on our best behavior.

    It's also the time to determine if someone is the right fit for us.

    I will admit, when I was dating (pre-boyfriend) it wasn't often a man cancelled on me. In fact, I can't even recall a man cancelling. I am sure some did, I just can't recall.

    Nor did I cancel on him. If anything, I cancelled plans with friends to go out with him!

    Yes shyt does happen, and one time no biggee. But two in row, my bells start to ring. Then the third time, with him using the excuse he forgot he had made plans?

    No thank you. Not after only a few months.

    Just me.
    What makes that last cancel even more confusing is that she said she'd actually rather see me than her friends... Very confusing why she'd bail on me, but say that.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by fpson37
    What makes that last cancel even more confusing is that she said she'd actually rather see me than her friends... Very confusing why she'd bail on me, but say that.
    Does it matter? The bottom line is you can't count on her. Do you really want to continue dating a woman you can't count on to keep something as simple as a date with you?

    Three dates in a row. The third cancel claiming she "forgot" she had made other plans. OP, I'm sorry this is insulting.

    I mean, if this were a long term relationship (one year plus) wherein a genuine connection had been made, trust established, and exclusivity agreed upon, I might think differently. Perhaps discuss it.

    But after only a few months?

    I dunno, your call, if me I would wish her well and walk.

    Best of luck whatever you decide.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-10-2019 at 10:49 PM.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Does it matter? The bottom line is you can't count on her. Do you really want to continue dating a woman you can't count on to keep something as simple as a date with you?

    Three dates in a row. The third cancel (in a row), claiming she "forgot" she had made other plans. OP, I'm sorry this is insulting.

    I mean, if this were a long term relationship (one year plus) wherein a genuine connection had been made, trust established, and exclusivity agree upon, I might think differently.

    But after only a few months?

    I dunno, your call, if me I wouldn't continue.

    Best of luck whatever you decide.
    Yes, I completely agree with you.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by fpson37
    What makes that last cancel even more confusing is that she said she'd actually rather see me than her friends... Very confusing why she'd bail on me, but say that.
    Follow the actions and not the words.

  8. #17
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    How many times did you see her? Why didn't you ask for something more concrete with the relationship?

  9. #18
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She is unreliable and irresponsible.

    This is the point as of today and right now, leave it be and don't contact her anymore. She's a done deal as are you.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    A sane woman who loves a man is consistent, not confusing, and does not cancel dates (and 4 months is enough time to fall in love). Period.

    Find another woman who actually likes you and is sane.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like she may be dating and meeting others since there was no exclusive talk and things are so nebulous. Nonetheless, still pretty rude to keep canceling. View this a probable sign of waning interest.
    Originally Posted by fpson37
    No we haven't really discussed our relationship. Brief discussion that we are dating and more "go with the flow." I didn't have doubts before she cancelled, but that just rubbed me the wrong way. Being cancelled on 3 times in 2 weeks left an uneasy feeling in my gut.

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