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Thread: Go to his house or not?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I remember all that you went through and it had to have been a little traumatizing. No doubt returning to the house would be difficult.
    There is something to be said about facing your fears though. Going there may tame that beast and it will likely lose the hold it has on you.
    At the same time, there really might be no benefit by doing this. Save your energy for taming other fears, if any.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    With all due respect, my son knows how to be responsible, probably more than most. And, he does not call me all the time. If you read my original post, I stated that he's called me 2 times, perhaps 3, in a year. Are you so independent that you never need anyone's assistance??? Come one, let's be realistic. I did him 2 favours in a year. That's not a lot, IMHO.
    If this is just something that might happen at some random point in the future, you really don't need to be working so hard to plan out what you would do in a hypothetical situation. It's less likely that your son is going to want you to do something like put out some food for his cats when he's not living with you. You can figure out how you feel if he ever calls you for something. Because you may feel differently in that moment than you do now. Stop planning for horrible or scary things that might happen, and focus on getting better now. One step at a time. You can get through this. Good luck, we're all rooting for you!

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    If this is just something that might happen at some random point in the future, you really don't need to be working so hard to plan out what you would do in a hypothetical situation. It's less likely that your son is going to want you to do something like put out some food for his cats when he's not living with you. You can figure out how you feel if he ever calls you for something. Because you may feel differently in that moment than you do now. Stop planning for horrible or scary things that might happen, and focus on getting better now. One step at a time. You can get through this. Good luck, we're all rooting for you!
    Please know that my son does not live with me. He has his own apartment; I have mine. They're both in the same complex. I feel a little silly right now. You're right about not worrying about it now. Guess I'm a bit jumpy these days. Thank you for your encouragement.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I remember all that you went through and it had to have been a little traumatizing. No doubt returning to the house would be difficult.
    There is something to be said about facing your fears though. Going there may tame that beast and it will likely lose the hold it has on you.
    At the same time, there really might be no benefit by doing this. Save your energy for taming other fears, if any.
    Yes, it was extremely difficult but I'm so much better now. I'm not ready to go to his new house when my son lives there because it would evoke some bad and good memories. If I see something that reminds me of him nowadays, I still get teary eyed. I'm just not ready to face something like that for now.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Please know that my son does not live with me. He has his own apartment; I have mine. They're both in the same complex. I feel a little silly right now. You're right about not worrying about it now. Guess I'm a bit jumpy these days. Thank you for your encouragement.
    Ah right, I lost that detail. Kind of the same point though - It was pretty convenient for you to help is all. It will be less so.

    It's OK to feel silly sometimes. You have my permission :) You've been through a lot.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Yes, I know. I need to stop worrying so much about "what if's". It's just that if I go to the house, I know it will just re-kindle memories, good and bad. I still feel so hurt, rejected and humiliated for being kicked to the curb. As one poster said, the house is filled with his "energy" and I don't want to think about him, if at all possible. I need to move forward and re-focus; you're right. For all I know, my son will never call me to feed his cats so the worry/anxiety that I'm experiencing is counter-productive and downright ridiculous. I realise that it's going to take a long time for me to heal. I'm doing the best I can. Thanks for your input.
    I'm very sorry for all this. I hope you feel better soon.. I know it won't be in a day or any time quick. I think it's a process we have to go through. Just know that you're not alone and you don't have to feel like posting anything like this is stupid or anything. I'm sorry if I misunderstood earlier too.

  8. #47
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Just tell your son that you don't feel comfortable going to his father's house. I'm sure he'll understand.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm very sorry for all this. I hope you feel better soon.. I know it won't be in a day or any time quick. I think it's a process we have to go through. Just know that you're not alone and you don't have to feel like posting anything like this is stupid or anything. I'm sorry if I misunderstood earlier too.
    Thank you, Rose. I appreciate it. xx

  10. #49
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Just tell your son that you don't feel comfortable going to his father's house. I'm sure he'll understand.
    I will. I know he'll understand. When he told me he was moving to his father's new house (he'll live there alone), I just panicked. My mind started racing and I focused on the "what if's". I feel calmer now. Thanks, Sarah. xx

  11. #50
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    goddess, I have an idea. Instead of stressing about it, why not just accept that you're just not comfortable going there, whether it's the energy in the house (his) or something else, it doesn't matter.

    And make the decision to not go? Simply tell your son "I'm sorry sweetie (if you call him that), I just wouldn't be comfortable going over there, it would stir too many memories, I'm sorry."

    I'm sure he would understand goddess, and he could make other arrangements. The leaving the kibble out sounds good to me!

    And even if he didn't quite understand all the way, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.

    There is no need for you to justify your feelings goddess, to yourself or anyone else -- these are your feelings, to which you're entitled.

    Continue your healing and with time, I have no doubt you'll feel differently later and you can visit without the discomfort you would feel now.

    TAKE CARE OF YOU!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-12-2019 at 12:10 AM.

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