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Thread: Go to his house or not?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It just makes sense to leave food out and not haul his mom across wherever.
    Sounds like a plan.

  2. #22
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    So if I am understanding this correctly, it's not so much that you're afraid you will run into him, because the likelihood of that happening is pretty much slim to none, given he will be living three hours away.

    Now this may sound hokey, but I do understand it -- it's more about your fearing his "energy" while you're in his house, a house he owns, whose energy is all over that house -- for even five minutes.

    Feeling that energy will stir all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, I do understand this!

    It's akin to someone not wanting to go to the same club or restaurant, or the same vacation spot they and their ex traveled to, even if their ex moved clear across the country!

    Their energy is there, and it stirs emotions and memories.

    This is understandable if that is in fact what's happening.

    So, if this is the case, then don't do it. Take care of YOU. You haven't quite moved on yet and that's OKAY.

    Have your son make an alternative plan. He will understand.

    And continue on your journey of healing. Time heals!!

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Guess I am making more of this than I need to. Sorry for posting...
    Don't be sorry. Sometimes "getting it out there" helps.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Guess I am making more of this than I need to. Sorry for posting...
    Don't be sorry, but don't make yourself crazy with this. The stress is not healthy or productive.

    i would also ask your son to give you a head's up, as to when your ex may be in town. Have you sought some counseling?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    So if I am understanding this correctly, it's not so much that you're afraid you will run into him, because the likelihood of that happening is pretty much slim to none, given he will be living three hours away.

    Now this may sound hokey, but I do understand it -- it's more about your fearing his "energy" while you're in his house, a house he owns, whose energy is all over that house -- for even five minutes.

    Feeling that energy will stir all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, I do understand this!

    It's akin to someone not wanting to go to the same club or restaurant, or the same vacation spot they and their ex traveled to, even if their ex moved clear across the country!

    Their energy is there, and it stirs emotions and memories.

    This is understandable if that is in fact what's happening.

    So, if this is the case, then don't do it. Take care of YOU. You haven't quite moved on yet and that's OKAY.

    Have your son make an alternative plan. He will understand.

    And continue on your journey of healing. Time heals!!
    "it's more about your fearing his "energy" while you're in his house, a house he owns, whose energy is all over that house -- for even five minutes.

    Feeling that energy will stir all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, I do understand this!
    This is exactly what I was trying to say, Katrina. Thank you for understanding. Hugs xx

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, wait until you are ready. The place must seem "haunted" to you, so avoid it for now. In time you'll feel more indifferent and at that time you can be with your kids, in that house, at events etc without getting the heebie-jeebies.

  8. #27
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    goddess, for heaven's sake. The world won't come crashing down on you if you were to accidentally bump into your ex husband, which is highly unlikely anyway.

    You and he share a son, and you're doing a favor for your son. You're not invading the ex's space because you're nosy.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Probably gonna throw a spanner here but in my years of counseling one of my most favoured forms of therapy is what is known as Exposure Therapy.... In a nutshell it is facing that which we fear until we no longer fear it*

    I've had good results with it, myself included when it comes to spiders... I'm still not 100%. It's a work in progress...also depends on how big the spider is lol

    But I'm better than I was.. :)

    Anyway, my point being is that if you can start to flip it in your mind, and then go there when needed, I think you will find that very soon you won't really give a damn...

    If you shy away from it and try to hide away from it, it will probably haunt you for longer... Does that make sense?

    Some other examples are: After a few of my traumatizing breakups there were obviously places that were difficult to go to and music that was impossible to listen to...

    But over time and by slowly revisiting those things I'm happy to say I've reclaimed pretty much all of them...*

    Lastly, my eldest stepson contacted me 2 days ago asking if I'd go to the cinema with him (bless him*).....

    This will probably involve me having to pick him up from my exwifes house....

    I understand the 'trigger' and I don't necessarily want to see her, but if I have to I'm gonna make sure I'm looking damn good when I do....and a quick 'Hi - Bye' will suffice methinks :)

    So you can do it Goddess* - Claim your screen name coz you are!

    Start with visualizing it in your head. Picture yourself there and then if he turns up just finish up doing what you need to do and then 'Yep. Seeya..' :)

    Hope this helps*

    And by the way this was no way a ridiculous thread to start... I still miss and think about my ex almost 18 months later....

    Now THAT'S ridiculous ;-)

    Carus*

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes, wait until you are ready. The place must seem "haunted" to you, so avoid it for now. In time you'll feel more indifferent and at that time you can be with your kids, in that house, at events etc without getting the heebie-jeebies.
    You're right, Wiseman2. When more time passes, it won't bother me. I just feel too raw right now. xx

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    goddess, for heaven's sake. The world won't come crashing down on you if you were to accidentally bump into your ex husband, which is highly unlikely anyway.

    You and he share a son, and you're doing a favor for your son. You're not invading the ex's space because you're nosy.
    Of course the world won't come crashing down. Don't be so harsh, please. Did you read Katrina's post? That's why I asked for advice on here. The demise of a 29 year marriage takes a while to digest, and just being in his house and feeling his "energy" would re-open some of my wounds. Get it? I just need more time, that's all.

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