Trust issues

[ppp86]

Hi I am looking for some advice possibly from someone who is in or has been in a similar situation to me in the past.

I have been with my partner for 3 years and our life is almost perfect apart from one niggling matter that comes up alot when we have a drink.. mostly on my part. a year ago i found out he had been messaging a girl from his past behind my back, telling her she looked amazing etc. i believe thats all it was as he has promised me this. and to most people i guess this is nothing to worry about. but i do. all the time.

before i met my oh i was in a relationship for 10 years with somone who treated me very badly. he was controlling and abusive and he cheated on me multiple times.

i have been to cbt counselling because of this but i am not sure if it has worked for me.

i just cant get this betrayal of trust out of my head. i know to most it will seem very petty on my part.

any advice on how i get past this will be grratly appreciated... be as brutal as u like ... tia xxx

[SarahLancaster]

How did you find out that he had been messaging this girl?

[ppp86]

i seen the message on his phone. it happened a few months before i seen it. and he says he was drunk when he sent it.

[SarahLancaster]

Well, you've said that your relationship is almost perfect and that the incident happened a year ago. You've been together for three years, and you're obsessing over one indiscretion? How can that be helpful to your relationship? Has he ever given you any other cause to doubt his love for you?

[ppp86]

no apart from that. there has been nothing. i just cant seem to stop worrying about it. i know this is my issue x

[Hollyj]

Perhaps, more counseling is in order.

[IAmFCA]

well, to me it does not seem petty at all.

we will never know everything our partner does, nor will our partner always behave in ways with which we are comfortable. Sometimes, relationships go through a painful period, and then heal and enjoy a reunion phase and so forth.

Trust comes from within, that you trust your assessment of his character and that you trust yourself to be resilient enough to recover should you feel pain.

His texting someone else is, in a sense, a separate issue.

[Rose Mosse]

If it doesn't make you feel good, just follow your gut instincts. In the end it matters only what you think and what you believe. If you can't rest at ease regarding your partner's ongoings and whereabouts, the probability is that you do not trust him.

Lack of trust generally leads to many problems and relationships are best functional with established trust or unbroken trust. If that trust is broken you have a decision to make: 1) repair the relationship together (it will take two) or 2) end it and move on.

[ppp86]

thank you. this makes sense xc

[LikeWater]

Mobile phones are the worst thing to happen to people in regards to maintining healthy relationships. I swear I see at least one topic about jealousy or conflict related to some form of online messaging or social media every time I come here.