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Thread: Dating advice

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I really like him and not sure how to preceed without pushing him away.

    Afraid of pushing away a guy who has the gall to ask you about sex after only knowing you 6 hours? Put your glasses on, and not rose-colored ones, because you're missing a red flag flapping right in front of you.

    It's not a foolproof plan, but seems to make sense that guys who are looking for a longterm relationship will ask for more and more dates to get to know you better, while being patient about sex--waiting for signals from the woman of what she's gradually receptive to.

    A guy with short term goals, who wants to get in and get out without putting effort into a serious relationship, will act like Speed Racer to achieve his own agenda. He's not afraid of scaring you off with sex talk, because he probably has an endless supply of women to choose from, from OLD or the bar scene.

    In behaving with standards and ethics you're comfortable with, don't ever fear scaring guys away. If you scare someone away, he wasn't the right person for you anyway.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    The 3 rule date?!? That's just magazine fluff...people don't jump into bed right away! You can't believe everything you read and it's not the norm. You have sex with someone when you darn well feel ready. For many women, that's not for weeks, sometimes even months down the road.
    Although if we believe what we read on here it seems to have become the norm... on dates 1 and 2, never mind date 3.

    The part bolded above is what matters. Never let peer pressure or some guy wanting to dip his stick in your oil pressure you into doing something before you are ready. Be very clear about your boundaries OP and if he keeps pushing... then push him away and date someone that will respect your physical space.

  3. #13
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Dates 3 to 5 is average. But I say it's better to wait as long as you can.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Although if we believe what we read on here it seems to have become the norm... on dates 1 and 2, never mind date 3.
    Although the people who are having sex that quickly are the ones turning up on this site with problems. I think that's something people should note.

    It seems to work better if you wait to have sex and actually get to know your partner and build a foundation first.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Although the people who are having sex that quickly are the ones turning up on this site with problems. I think that's something people should note.

    It seems to work better if you wait to have sex and actually get to know your partner and build a foundation first.

    I think it is better to be friend ( friendship ) first and then see how the couple get on. In my experience, it is very hard to do this because men always want to jump to sex straight away.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Dates 3 to 5 is average. But I say it's better to wait as long as you can.
    During waiting then he will be dating other girls and have sex with them. It is hard to date these days.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    During waiting then he will be dating other girls and have sex with them. It is hard to date these days.
    If you want to wait and he doesn't, and he has to go to date someone else so he can have sex on the first or second date, then you aren't compatible are you? You wait to see what the man's character is like. If you find it not to your liking you move on. I don't have to worry about a woman I date wanting sex before I was ready, but I do go on many dates with women who I realize pretty quick I am not compatible with. Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to follow your schedule. Best if that's the schedule they would like to follow anyway.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    During waiting then he will be dating other girls and have sex with them. It is hard to date these days.
    A man who's crazy about you will think you are worth the wait.
    If he's jumping the in sack with anything else in between the space of 3 dates, then he's not your type anyway.
    Dating becomes that much easier when you go about it from a place of confidence and good self esteem.
    It's not a competition.

  10. #19
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    Just my experience but when a man is attracted to you, he wants to have sex with you.

    That doesn't mean you have to agree to it or that you should agree to it. As folks have been saying, you have sex when you're ready, not when he wants it.

    And if he can't wait? Then bye bye, good riddance, have a nice life.

    Seriously OP this should be your attitude, NOT fear of pushing him away because you won't acquiesce to his sexual desires.

    I mean absolutely no disrespect but if you're gonna be successful in dating, without breaking, you need to be stronger and have a thicker skin.

    You cannot allow men to manipulate you like this, making you feel all sorts of guilt because you won't succumb to what they want. And fearing you will push them away.

    I agree with others that any man who's pushing you for sex, immediate dump!

    No man should be pushing you for sex, EVER. Even in a long term relationship, that's not how it works.

    Sex should be the natural outcome of two people who are attracted and who have developed a connection.

    This takes time, some longer than others, but no man should be "pushing" for it regardless.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Women who think with this kind of prejudice and self-derogatory thinking will end up single and bitter. Is sex part of a relationship, yes. But if you're one of those women who convinces herself "all men only want sex" then you've dug your own grave in the love-finding department.
    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    men always want to jump to sex straight away.

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