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Thread: Dating advice

  1. #1
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    Dating advice

    I met this guy . We had the first date and we were supposed to just have some drinks and chat . Then he ordered some food full course and then we went to watch a movie . He is a respectable person in his career so i felt safe with him. He seems to want to have sex as he has been texting about it but i told him i am not ready.
    How do i make sure that i meet him next time and continue to meet him with ease that we will only have sex when i am ready.
    It seems the only way is to meet outside. Which is a shame as it's nice to be able to do things together as he is really nice, caring and sweet person from spending time with him and texting. I really like him and not sure how to preceed without pushing him away.

    As i know it is normal nowadays to have sex early as there is articles about 3 dates rules etc.

    But i would prefer to wait until i am ready.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    You don't have sex. Meet in public places and avoid alcohol. You won't be pushing him away, he might be pushing you away for insisting on sex, if he does. Don't have sex just to keep him, it doesn't work like that.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Here we go again. I just answered a post, stating that one of women's main complaints in dating is men moving too fast.

    The reason? - because women are too beautiful, and guys fall too fast. This is a good thing for you, if you look at it the right way. For one thing, it means you get less rejection than men.

    You are doing good by setting boundaries, by telling him you are not ready for sex. Just meet him at a resturant for dinner, drive/travel separately. Women are like slow-cookers.

    If he finds a girlfriend who falls in love with him, he'll be having sex regularly - So what's the big rush, Jeff Gordon?!

    Keep doing what you are doing. I guess if you feel too much pressure, you may have to drop him and date another. That's a personal decision you'll have to make. And I sympathize, pushy men can be a turnoff.

    Hold out as long as you can darling.

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    I guess if you feel too much pressure, you may have to drop him and date another. That's a personal decision you'll have to make. And I sympathize, pushy men can be a turnoff.

    Hold out as long as you can darling.[/QUOTE]


    Everyone i met so far wanted sex the right away and that is stressful as i cant work that way. I dont know if i will ever find the right guy!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't suggest you waste your time with someone with whom you're uncomfortable with in any way, shape or form. There are different kinds of discomfort: the kind that pushes us to grow and in positive ways and there's an unwelcome type of discomfort where anyone puts pressure on another person sexually. This is not acceptable.

    Recognize the signs in yourself and follow your instincts. If you're enticed by his dining venues, look no further than your local food magazine and opt to go with friends instead. You do not need to forego your peace of mind for good food or general company doing things around town.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The 3 rule date?!? That's just magazine fluff...people don't jump into bed right away!

    You can't believe everything you read and it's not the norm. You have sex with someone when you darn well feel ready. For many women, that's not for weeks, sometimes even months down the road.

    There is no set time. You want to build a relationship first, make sure you know who this man is and that you trust being alone with him. You also want to make sure that you have some kind of foundation and that it's a relationship and not just sex.

    Lots of things going into being intimate with someone.

    Please take your time. Don't go jumping into bed with whoever just because you feel social pressure and have this idea that everyone else is so you should too.

    Go at your own pace. If he's the right guy, he will respect the pace you want to go and will wait.

  8. #7
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    Why is he asking to have sex already? I would not meet him again for that reason alone. Guy is jumping the gun!

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    I met this guy . We had the first date and we were supposed to just have some drinks and chat . Then he ordered some food full course and then we went to watch a movie . He is a respectable person in his career so i felt safe with him. He seems to want to have sex as he has been texting about it but i told him i am not ready.
    How do i make sure that i meet him next time and continue to meet him with ease that we will only have sex when i am ready.
    It seems the only way is to meet outside. Which is a shame as it's nice to be able to do things together as he is really nice, caring and sweet person from spending time with him and texting. I really like him and not sure how to preceed without pushing him away.

    As i know it is normal nowadays to have sex early as there is articles about 3 dates rules etc.

    But i would prefer to wait until i am ready.
    There is no "prefer" to wait until you are ready - there is ONLY waiting until you are ready.

    Any guy who TEXTS you asking to have sex - I would next him. If he is 'respectable' he would be focusing on getting a second DATE. If you went out a bunch of times and the topic of sex came up = yes TALK about it together, but "drinks, dinner, a movie" = then a text about sex? Tacky. You hardly know him. Unless you were all over him during the date - then i can understand why he would bring it up. But over TEXT??

  10. #9
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    I personally wouldn’t go on a second date with someone focusing all of their energy on sex.
    You be true to you and wait for someone who respects your boundaries.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    I met this guy . We had the first date and we were supposed to just have some drinks and chat . Then he ordered some food full course and then we went to watch a movie .
    Already out of the gate and he changed the terms of the first date to something you two were not in agreement to. But you excused it because you felt he had a respectable career and therefore felt safe?

    Texting and one date and he's already overreached and now you feel pressured for sex?
    How does all this really feel for you?

    If this makes you uncomfortable, uncomfortable enough to come here and ask us how you get him to move at your pace, then it really smells as if you two are not on the same page.

    You need to pay close attention to the queues in the beginning. This is who he really is. You can try to steer him in another direction, but you'd be better off taking this as a warning of things to come.

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