Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 32

Thread: New guy went on vacation with soon-to-be ex-wife

  1. #1

    New guy went on vacation with soon-to-be ex-wife

    Hi, I've been dating a guy over the past month, and so far I like him quite a bit and we seem compatible together. He told me on our first date that his divorce with his soon-to-be ex wouldn't be finalized for several more months. I appreciated he mentioned this, and I had no reason to think that his ex and him might still have unfinished business.

    Last Monday he left to go on a trip to Amsterdam. I never asked him who he was going with nor did he volunteer the information. For some reason it didn't really cross my mind as being something to ask, but in hindsight I wish I had done so now.

    My curiosity got the better of me a few days after he left and I went to check out his Facebook profile. We are not friends on Facebook either. I decided to scroll down his timeline and discovered a picture of him and his ex on their wedding day back in 2013. I didn't think too much about it, since he rarely seems to go on Facebook.

    I decided to click on her name and when it went to her profile page, lo and behold, she's in Amsterdam too. She had a few pictures up but none of them had him in it, nor had she tagged him in any of the pictures she had taken. I'm not quite sure what to make of it but nevertheless. I should put that out there.I

    I decided to send him an email after I slept on this, because it was bothering me quite a bit as you can imagine. My email wasn't harsh, I just told him I knew he was with her and perhaps the two of them still had unfinished business.. I also told him that it's not unusual to pine for somebody even after you break up with them or go through divorce proceedings. However, I told him that it probably would have been better for him to disclose this from the very beginning.

    When he replied, he said he was sorry and understood why I felt this way. He went on to say that this vacation was purchased over a year ago and they didn't want to waste the money and decided to travel together as friends because they still get along. He also mentioned they're staying in separate rooms.

    'm not quite sure what to make of this story, because obviously it's not an organized tour. The only thing they would have had to get refunded for was there airplane ticket, and if they couldn't have gotten a refund for that, they would have gotten a credit for a future fight.

    I want to believe him, but I also have to trust my gut instinct as well. I would love to hear people's opinions on this so I know how to proceed. I don't feel mad, simply because I haven't known him for very long, but I am very disappointed and hurt.

    Please let me hear your thoughts, especially you men. :-)

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,201
    Gender
    Female
    He has too much unfinished business. I would let this one go.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    49,516
    Woman here. He's on vacation with his wife. Separated means still married. Money is no object when people don't want to be together - many of us have had to lose vacation money/deposits during a break up. Just part of it. He is on vacation with her because he wants to be. I'd move on. Now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,052
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with the others. Don't sit around and be his second option. If they were just friends and that friendship was important to him, he would have been open and honest about the trip. Transparency is important in these situations.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    813
    Gender
    Female
    Sorry Iím not a guy, Iím a woman, however, if I donít want to be on vacation with someone, no matter how much it costs, I would cancel it, or uninvite them and invite one of my friends in their place. You should distance yourself. Listen to your instincts. Sorry. :-(

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,036
    He is on vacation with his wife.

    In the future, do not date married men, and wait a sufficient amount of time before getting involved, since the divorce- this is also dependent on how long they were together.

    How do you even know that he is getting a divorce? Have you been to his home?

    This was not a smart choice for you. Move on.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-10-2019 at 01:11 PM.

  8. #7
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    433
    Gender
    Female
    I can tell you, they didn't book separate rooms a year ago when they planned it.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    1,104
    Don't ever get involved with a married man (and separated means married). The typical scenario is, they promise to get divorced, but it never happens, and you are always just the "other woman".

    Get out now before you fall deeper in love (you are halfway there now)! The longer you procrastinate, the more invested your heart will be, and the harder it will be to get out.

    Hello, McFly! You are the other woman!!

  10. #9
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    433
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Woman here. He's on vacation with his wife. Separated means still married. Money is no object when people don't want to be together - many of us have had to lose vacation money/deposits during a break up. Just part of it. He is on vacation with her because he wants to be. I'd move on. Now.
    Exactly. No amount of lost money would have forced me to go on vacation with my ex husband. You cut your losses and move on. This guy is being less than honest.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    116
    OK... so they purchased the trip over a year ago, which means they paid for flights and one hotel room. They split up and then spent extra money on buying another hotel room, despite them still technically being married? I don't think so!!! There's no way they'd pay more to double up on rooms when they've known each other intimately for X number of years, especially when they could have cut their losses and tried to either get some money back or take someone else. He didn't tell you because he thought he would get away with it. I doubt his wife knows he has someone else on the side.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •