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Thread: 5 Years down the drain.

  1. #11
    Member wasabi196's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Thanks for explaining. I see what you mean and understand the story a bit more. I feel like there's a lot of hurt behind your words because the events themselves, I'll be honest with you, don't sound too terrible. I agree with SGH's first assessment that your problems might be going back a long time with his family and this situation just made things worse for you because it meant that you weren't going to be able to spend time with your boyfriend. I'm going to preface what I'm about to say by emphasizing that you should follow your gut instincts if you don't feel valued the way you think you should be in a relationship.

    The second part and what I'm about to say might not be easy to digest: I think the both of you are very incompatible and you have different expectations in a relationship. You should recognize when someone is incompatible with you because the first signs are usually when one person or both people bring out the worst in each other through no one's actual fault. If you were brought up a certain way or believe that there were other viable solutions in this particular situation, that's wonderful and I really congratulate you. It only tells me that you tend to think forwards and are able to problem-solve a bit faster than most people. You should recognize that not everyone will be like you and not everyone will have your best interests. You're hurt because you believe that you meant more to his family but I think that also stems from a deep insecurity that you might have never meant much in the first place. You'll have to fix that insecurity inside you and grow your self-confidence because it's going to radiate and engulf the way you think and treat others. This goes back to what SGH mentioned about your issues with his family.

    You shouldn't be made to feel insecure about yourself and someone who loves you wouldn't make you feel that way. Again, I don't feel you're compatible together and you shouldn't internalize it or take it very personally. His family is his family and you cannot control others or will them to do as you wish. All you can do is be true to yourself, be able, be independent, grow forwards and try not to put expectations on others to make up for your insecurities. It will make you look even more insecure and cause others to distrust you because your decisions are not coming from a sound place. Be free and be a peace. You don't have to live like this under the shadow of judgment from his family or anyone else.
    Thank you so much for your insight. In all honesty it actually is refreshing to venture back out into the single life. Indeed my insecurity is for me to work on and all this has been very helpful.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You'll be just fine. Believe more in yourself. Take the past with a pinch of salt and don't be afraid to move forwards.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. He is basically uninviting you possibly at his family's request. Do not go, do not send a gift. While he is away reflect on this action as well as the relationship as a whole and decide if you are happy enough to continue.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If a BF told me I'd need to find my own way to a long distance wedding in HIS family, I'd take that as his cowardly way to force a breakup, because I certainly would not make that scramble.

    I think you've both outgrown this relationship, and this was his passive-agrressive way to let you know that he's excluding you from his family. So you did the right thing, and while it feels lousy, it's going to open new doors for you.

    Staying in a teenage relationship throughout early adulthood squelches and stunts both people. It creates a little fantasy bubble about the future that isolates you from real-world experiences. It's painful to break up, but it sounds as though this thing was getting too painful to hang onto.

    Head high, invest in the people in your life who you've neglected in favor of the relationship, and make new friends as you explore new interests. Consider making it a private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this and create a fabulous future for yourself.

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