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Thread: Made a mistake. Struggling to cope.

  1. #21
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    Thank you, I really do agree. Iíve realised you canít put a price on your own mental health too. Itís so important to find happiness within yourself. I pray you get through what you are going through too.

  2. #22
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    Thank you. I am slowly realising being alone, temporarily or long term, is better than being miserable and together if it isnít right.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by amii1
    Just adding this in :) I hate being alone, too. I know many others that do as well. For me, being alone/loneliness is also a fear, not just a dislike, as I don't enjoy it at all. I can handle spending some time by myself, such as bike rides by the river for a while. However, my energy will always drain over time and I'll eventually become depressive until I see someone I care about - then it will feel like a good recharge. I like myself, but will never prefer to be alone. I think it's a classic trait of being an extrovert, though I'm sure there are many other reasonings outside of that.
    "Hating" being alone indicates a discomfort of being in one's own skin... the inability of a person to essentially self soothe and enjoy their own company. Extroverts need people but the extroverts I know also enjoy their alone time. I am a social introvert and need connection as well but I thrive on my time to myself, even with a boyfriend it's essential for me to have that time alone.

    I agree with the other poster that said it is in human nature for us to struggle with letting go... I get this way when I let go of an idea never mind of a relationship. I think the more we can get comfortable with being uncomfortable the more we open ourselves up to better ideas / relationships / jobs / friends / situations in life.

  4. #24
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    Yes, I think he just wanted some sex, OP.

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  6. #25
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    As an update, he has been trying to see me today. I declined and said maybe tomorrow. He seems to be trying to work things out. But I am not prepared to put myself through this again. Thank you so much for all the responses. It has opened my eyes, and showed me if Iím strong I can be alone. And that it is okay!

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    As an update, he has been trying to see me today. I declined and said maybe tomorrow. He seems to be trying to work things out. But I am not prepared to put myself through this again. Thank you so much for all the responses. It has opened my eyes, and showed me if Iím strong I can be alone. And that it is okay!
    What he seems to be showing you is pretty classic stuff. When he feels he's losing you, he steps up. When he feels close, physically or emotionally, he steps away. For a moment you are both soothed, from different angles, by the adrenaline of attention and connection. Then that moment passes.

    There are many people for whom that is what being in a relationship looks like, and generally the common denominator there is a deep fear of being alone on both sides. Something to think about as you process this.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123

    He wants to try again, but I am taking space and time to myself!
    So he contacted you? When?

    I asked you this in your other thread but you keep making references to him regretting his decision, wanting you back, and now he wants to try again.

    Is this you projecting, wishful thinking or what? What is he doing or saying that leads you to conclude these things?

    Chloe I mean absolutely no disrespect, my heart breaks for you actually because it's clear you are in such pain and, as such, denial.

    Please try to accept that this man is not interested in you the way you are in him, does not want the same things you do, at least, and I am sorry to say this, with you.

    With respect to him using you, who knows, does it matter? Try and focus on you, and only you, why you make the choices you make, that only end up hurting you, more than you were initially hurt.

    It's very self destructive and until you get an understanding of this, you are going to repeat these same unhealthy patterns and make these same unhealthy choices.

    Please block him!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-10-2019 at 09:09 PM.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    What he seems to be showing you is pretty classic stuff. When he feels he's losing you, he steps up. When he feels close, physically or emotionally, he steps away.
    This is very astute, are you speaking from experience blue?

    He could also just be a d-bag who will say and do whatever he can to get sex. A master manipulator. This is my sense actually.

    Chloe, please block him so you don't have to deal with his whatever it is he's dishing out.

    Whether he's conflicted or just a d-bag, you have to know once you agree to have sex again, and/or go back, the same thing is going to happen again.

    And each time it does, the hurt, the pain will get worse and worse.

    I know blue was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt as I suspect he can relate to him on some level, or at least his version of him based on above quote, but I'm not so sure he's right about this. He may be, I'm just not sure.

    In my opinion, given how rudely and disrespectfully he went off on you about unfollowing him and telling you to "grow up," after telling you HE didn't feel the spark and wanted a break, he just sounds like BAD NEWS.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-10-2019 at 09:15 PM.

  10. #29
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    So he texts you rude and insulting words and you reward him by not only reestablishing a social media connection but you have sex with him too??!!

    Well, he knows he doesn't have to bother being nice to you ever again.

    Please tell us you're ending this for good.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by maew
    "Hating" being alone indicates a discomfort of being in one's own skin... the inability of a person to essentially self soothe and enjoy their own company. Extroverts need people but the extroverts I know also enjoy their alone time. I am a social introvert and need connection as well but I thrive on my time to myself, even with a boyfriend it's essential for me to have that time alone.

    I agree with the other poster that said it is in human nature for us to struggle with letting go... I get this way when I let go of an idea never mind of a relationship. I think the more we can get comfortable with being uncomfortable the more we open ourselves up to better ideas / relationships / jobs / friends / situations in life.
    Well said, I agree. Everyone's different, and maybe I do have some deep insecurity about being just by myself for extended periods of time, I'm not sure. But yeah, letting go is always tough.

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