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Thread: Made a mistake. Struggling to cope.

  1. #11
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    I think if someone wants to be with you they will make it clear they do. Maybe he's 50/50 or confused or whatever but that doesnt help you feel any better does it? YOu need to look after yourself here first and foremost now it's over.

    There is nothing wrong with being single and it's actually important that you learn to be ok with being alone as it will stop you getting sucked into situations with poor partners. ISn't there anything you have been dying to do? Now you are single this is the time to do it! Make new friends, learn a musical instruemnt, take up a hobby etc etc you get the point. Being alone is not a bad thing in itself OP.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I feel like I do and donít. I only say do I think because I hate being alone, and I keep thinking of the better days at the beginning where he was good and we got on so well. Now Iím alone and heartbroken and regret sleeping with him. I feel like an idiot.
    I think everyone everywhere needs to ask themselves why the phrase in bold invokes such fear and causes us to do so many stupid things, me included. Why do you hate being alone OP? What is it about being alone that's so terrible? What's the worst thing that could happen if you end up "alone"?

    A lot of times we have this perception of "alone" that isn't accurate. I know many single ladies that are perfectly happy to be that way and stay that way... and many that are miserable. We don't always get to decide when we meet someone but we can decide who we want to be in life and what kind of relationship we want. Best to look for solutions to feeling more comfortable being alone than to cling to a relationship with someone that doesn't have the same feelings for us as we have for them.

  3. #13
    Member wasabi196's Avatar
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    Something that I think is a struggle for everyone, is the idea of letting go of things that causes our bodies to secrete hormones. Don't beat yourself up too much about it though. It really isn't your fault that humans have a primal instinct of wanting something that yields unexpected "rewards". It's about thinking about what you want now. If what you want is someone to be with, it doesn't mean it has to be him. Work towards finding another solution to this problem, I know it's easier said than done, but thinking about it and admitting it is the first step.

    On the note of sleeping with him obviously is something that the norm believes is a big no-no, but who decides what the norm is? You shouldn't feel like an idiot, all you need to think is, although it was something that you wanted because it was a primal instinct, and you regretted it, work your way towards the conclusion that you'll never want to do it again.

    Something that I honestly believe in is that, first accept the person that you are before accepting others. You need to be able to give yourself enough love before even thinking about sharing it with someone else.

    Good Luck and all the best!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Please firmly cut contact and don't sleep with him again. I don't say this because it's "wrong" to have sex with an ex. I say this because clearly the decision to do so has wrecked you emotionally and resulted in feelings of shame and desperation.

    He is only thinking about himself. Do not get strung along under the guise of confusion. He made a decision and has not made any moves to take it back, which it seems is a good thing, based on his current lack of consideration towards you and your healing. He will likely try to pop in for sex again while he adjusts to his new single status. Don't give him the satisfaction.

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  6. #15
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    Why do you hate to be alone?

    Don't you like yourself?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why do you hate to be alone?

    Don't you like yourself?
    Just adding this in :) I hate being alone, too. I know many others that do as well. For me, being alone/loneliness is also a fear, not just a dislike, as I don't enjoy it at all. I can handle spending some time by myself, such as bike rides by the river for a while. However, my energy will always drain over time and I'll eventually become depressive until I see someone I care about - then it will feel like a good recharge. I like myself, but will never prefer to be alone. I think it's a classic trait of being an extrovert, though I'm sure there are many other reasonings outside of that.

  8. #17
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    I think that you should not have added him back, as you can see it has hurt your recovery. Also, do not have any communication, unless he wants to talk reconciliation. No more hang outs or sex.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    I mean used as in, he just wanted sex. Where as, I wanted to sort things out.
    Then, you should have talked in a public place. You were a willing participant.

  10. #19
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    After reading your other thread, you should just block this guy. There is no future.

  11. #20
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    Thank you for your response. Iím not beating myself up about it anymore. He wants to try again, but I am taking space and time to myself!

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