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Thread: Made a mistake. Struggling to cope.

  1. #1
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    Made a mistake. Struggling to cope.

    Following on from my previous post, things have got worse for me. My ex ended things with me about a week ago. Said there was no spark anymore. I went a full 5 days no contact, removed him off social media and was feeling stronger than the first day.

    He then decides to comment on this, and call me immature for removing him. Upset by these comments, I add him back on there.

    He then texts me saying ‘I kinda wanna see you, but still don’t know I feel’ . This to me is hurtful, as I was processing a break up and now I’m just confused. I said ‘kinda isn’t yes or no, and I’m not being involved with such complication’. He says ‘ok’.

    The next day he asks what I’m doing at 6pm, and I had just got home from drinking a little. He asks should he come to my place to talk etc and I stupidly say ok. We then end up sleeping together, not talking about anything we should have, and now I’ve not heard a thing from him in 2 days.

    I regret this so, so much. Have I just been used? I don’t know how somebody who apparently cared about me ever could do this to me. I am really struggling with anxiety and depression right now. And I even came off anti depressants when I met him, so this is just gutting for me .

  2. #2
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    I am confused if he is waiting for me to text him. Part of the reason our relationship ended, according to him, was him making more effort. I do disagree with this, other than maybe at the beginning.

    Should I contact him or just completely move on and not even get closure again? He has been stalking my Instagram daily still.

  3. #3
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    I dont know if used is the right term as you willingly went along, it's important not to victimise yourself in this BUT would i sleep with him again? NO. All i see this on/off business doing is confusing and hurting you both.

  4. #4
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    I mean used as in, he just wanted sex. Where as, I wanted to sort things out.

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  6. #5
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    THat is impossible for any of us to say i think. Possible but we'd just be guessing. If he gets back in touch i'd only agree to meet up when you are sober and be clear its to chat. In a public place such as a cafe perhaps. Is that what you want?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Chloe, from your previous posts it seems it doesn't sound like this relationship was on solid ground to begin with. A man who is committed and cares for you (regardless of how you feel about him) would never look up other women or put the blame on you for not trying hard enough in the beginning. For all the bad things that can go wrong and all the not so good people out there, I will stand by love, real love, and let you know that when there is love felt from one person to the next these things don't happen. I didn't know this before or was too blind to see but I know that now, more than ever, in my later years.

    I'm sorry but I'm going to be the one to tell you that he's not interested in you and he does not love you. No one who loves you would treat you this way (back then or now). Take care of yourself and follow your treatment plan for depression. Don't fall off it for anyone. It's not worth it. There is much more to life than this.

  8. #7
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    Agree with you Rose, that's why i asked OP if gettng back together is what she really wants. He doesn't seem like a catch.

  9. #8
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    Thanks for your honest reply. I do know this deep down myself, but my mind keeps taking me back to the beginning when he was good to me. And I’m now thinking how did we get here? It hurts my soul and is breaking me down. But if he wanted me, I guess I wouldn’t be here asking for help and these questions :(

  10. #9
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    I feel like I do and don’t. I only say do I think because I hate being alone, and I keep thinking of the better days at the beginning where he was good and we got on so well. Now I’m alone and heartbroken and regret sleeping with him. I feel like an idiot.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    From your last thread it sounds like the time where he was "good" to you, and where you two were "good," has been the exception, not the rule. Which really sucks, and I'm sorry. But if you can see that clearly—that the gap between your "idea" of him and the "actual" him is enormous—you can find the strength and stability for yourself that you're still hoping he might provide.

    There's no reason to be ashamed of the other night. I suppose there might be a few humans walking the earth who haven't had that kind of sex, but they are few and far between. It happens. Go easy on yourself. But, like ninjabib said, I'd encourage you not to reach for questions about whether or not you were "used." You're confused, he's confused, you two had sex. No victims, just humans.

    What you want from him is not inside him to give. That's not your fault, not his, but just is. It's very sad. Being sad is okay. Trying to cure that sadness with the source of it—well, that's where things become more sad. You learned that the other night—that's all it was, not being used. Move forward with that lesson and have faith you're on a better path.

    Hugs.

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