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Thread: Confused heart

  1. #1
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    Confused heart

    Hello, Im 23 and have been with my partner 2 and a half years. He is 21. However, approximatly nearly 3 weeks ago he randomly woke up in the morning and told me he didnt want to be with me anymore and that he didnt love me anymore. Obviously this took me by complete suprise and knocked the wind out of me because previous to that we had been so inlove. We didnt speak for a couple of days as he said he needed space, i didnt contact him out of respect, as much as it hurt to keep away. He then gets in contact via text and has been in contact everyday since, telling me he didnt mean it, he loves me more than anything and it was because he felt suffocated and that im too much? i apparently stress him out and dont let him live his life?! i never knew he felt like this because up until then he had never expressed this to me, our relationship seemed perfect and i have never forced him to be with me. Since he contacted, numoreous times i have asked him to meet up with me because i think we need to speak about our situation face to face and each and everytime he has an excuse that 'hes busy' BUT when i pull away, he texts and tells me he misses and loves me so much. I want to believe him so badly but his actions say different. I really do love him and im so confused, he wont talk to me about what is going on so i am stuck in limbo. I dont understand how someone can wake up one day and not feel the same as the night before and for so much to change so quickly. My insecurities are saying its because hes seeing someone else although when ive asked, he tells me that its honestly not the case. Maybe TMI but the other night whilst in a flirty conversation i asked him to come over for sex but he turned me down because he was 'busy'. Hes continuing to subtly flirt and contact me but doesnt want to go any further? I just feel like a complete idiot. Our relationship was never like this so what has changed? Its hurting me so much to not know and i cant help but feel like its my fault.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like he met someone else and has mixed feelings.

  3. #3
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    Ive been more than understand so why cant he just be honest about it? it would hurt me but it hurts more not knowing.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think there's someone else in his life.

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  6. #5
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    Silly question but what should i do? this sucks.

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    Yes there could be someone else in his life but it's not necessarily that. He's young and you've been together a long time for someone that young and he could be hitting a point where he's wondering 'is this it?' There could be a big part of him that wants to explore beyond your relationship and he can't if he's with you. And if it's something like that, it won't have happened overnight - this will have built for a long time until it just got too much. He might still really have feelings for you but also could feel completely trapped by them, putting him in conflict with himself and you're caught in it.

    Some guys really struggle to settle down and, in all honesty, I'd say 21 is too young to do that but, 2 and a half years into a relationship, it might feel to him like that is happening or is the next step. Whether there is someone else or not, fear of missing out is going to kick in. And it could happen in both directions, hence his unpredictability - if he's with you, what else is he missing? And if he's not with you, what's he missing out on with you?

    If it's something along those lines, he's going to have to make some hard choices soon and he might come to the conclusion that he needs to explore more and live out other paths.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Some young people are not ready to fall in love yet, sorry. Are you his first?

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    I completly respect that to be honest with you, we've actually had this conversation a few times because ive said to him he should be experiencing more and he has always convinced me otherwise because "hes older in his mind", What do you think i should do?

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    Not his first love no, but first serious/ intense relationship yes.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If he's lukewarm and not following up on his cryptic messages or, worse, hot and cold, you already have your answer. This person is not committed to you and it doesn't matter how you slice the pie. It's over. You shouldn't have to ever second guess or feel like you're living in limbo. What we often forget as individuals is that we have a choice. When we're going through a tough time we think that this is all there is and we succumb to it or begin to believe that there is nothing we can do.

    There are a lot of things you cannot change but there is one thing you can: take care of yourself and start believing that you deserve better. Move yourself out of this position and take responsibility for your own unhappiness.

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