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Thread: What is my dumper feeling?

  1. #1

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    What is my dumper feeling?

    We broke up 2 months ago because he "didn't know why he feels like this" and "just can't do this anymore". Basically, because of long distance his feelings got weaker when we didn't see each other and came back when we met again. I had the same, so I didn't think more of it. Other than that we didn't have any major problems. Also, he is going through a lot of changes in his life, which may have lead to him not knowing what he wants in life. No third parties involved whatsoever, we have continued with our normal lifes just without the relationship.

    For 3 weeks I tried to talk with him and negotiate, get him to understand that we can surely work through this. He was having none of it and afraid that I'd change his mind. He kept saying that he no longer has feelings, he has already processed the breakup and that we can stay in touch and talk about something else than the breakup. I tried to just ask what he's been up to (I'd consider that as something non-breakup related...) but he didn't answer, so I went in to no contact for over a month. We still followed each other on all social medias and he started to check up on my Instagram after a few weeks.

    I broke no contact asking if he wants his clothes back. He said that he doesn't need them, and when I asked about my clothes he again ignored me. I clarified that I might like to get them back if he doesn't use them, and he just responds very vaguely not confirming either or. We are going to be in the same town for 3 months so it's quite embarassing if we bump into each other. Also, he stopped following me on Instagram and took me off from his followers after I contacted him...?

    Why's he still behaving like this? All this time he has claimed that we can stay in touch but no matter what I contact him with he behaves the same way - answers briefly and then ignores. He's also always been very judgemental about people who can't make up and be in good terms no matter what, so I don't understand why he would suddenly decide otherwise. Does he still have feelings and won't talk to me as it would just make him feel worse?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He has been very very clear and explicit with you that this is over, that he no longer has any romantic feelings or interest in you. It's really done.

    Being on good terms post break up means simply that if you run into each other, you can nod a polite hello and keep on walking. It doesn't mean active friendship and talking....and anyway, you can't. Your emotions are too raw, you keep trying to find excuses to reach out, to talk, to stay on his radar while he is telling you again and again that he isn't interested in that.

    Removing you from all social media is good. Do the same. Real NC so you can heal and move and stop thinking about him, what he is doing, etc, etc, etc. Start accepting it's over.

  3. #3

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    It's BS that he doesn't have feelings left - if he didn't, he'd be okay with some communication, as he has self claimed. I do not find excuses to reach out, I think it's polite to ask if they want their clothes back before doing anything to them.

    The point is that HE claims that we can stay in touch, but is clearly not capable of doing that. And he hasn't removed me from all social media, just Instagram, where he apparently was checking up on me.

  4. #4
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you're grasping at straws. He probably feels bad about breaking up and told you you can 'stay in touch,' but he really doesn't mean it. Maybe he checked your instagram just to see if you're ok.

    He wants to start over. Please let him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I mostly agree with the others. It may be that the long distance was too much, and he found himself noticing the women around him. It's not particularly uncommon in these situations. I went through a long-distance breakup myself where I think that element was involved.

    However, it really doesn't matter why. Asking why and obsessing about what lead to him losing feelings is a normal part of the breakup process, but don't let yourself get stuck there. You probably wouldn't enjoy the truth if you found out what his motivations were, and no one here can tell you with certainty what is going on in his head.

    What seems to be clear, based on the evidence, though, is that he wants you to leave him alone. A clean break stings at first, but it is much better in the long-run usually. Leave him be, and focus on yourself.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    He's also always been very judgemental about people who can't make up and be in good terms no matter what, so I don't understand why he would suddenly decide otherwise.
    Judgmental and self-righteous proclamations don't translate into a real life situation. Clearly he didn't realize just how difficult it would be to maintain "good terms" while processing the feelings of a breakup.

    Originally Posted by dumped1
    It's BS that he doesn't have feelings left - if he didn't, he'd be okay with some communication, as he has self claimed. I do not find excuses to reach out, I think it's polite to ask if they want their clothes back before doing anything to them.

    The point is that HE claims that we can stay in touch, but is clearly not capable of doing that. And he hasn't removed me from all social media, just Instagram, where he apparently was checking up on me.
    He broke up with you, told you he doesn't want a relationship with you, and has told you through his words and actions that he doesn't want to communicate. Why continue to question it? And further more why would you continue reaching out to someone that has shut you down multiple times? All it does is make you look desperate and needy. Pick your dignity up off the floor OP, find some acceptance of the situation, and walk away from this guy that want's nothing to do with you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He may still care about you and not want to hurt you, and agreed to 'staying friends" but he was clear about not wanting a LDR. It sounds like he met someone locally and doesn't to go into that under the broad category of "what he's been up to". Try to accept the breakup and move forward with your dignity intact. .

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound like he has the kind of feelings you wish that he had. At best, he feels guilt and doesn't want to lead you on. It would be best for you to go no contact. Forget about your clothes and donate his. Even if you bump into him, he is no longer the person you remember. His feelings has changed. He has changed. The person you remember does no longer exist. This is also the reason why it's pointless to take seriously whatever he may have said in the past about exes staying friends and what not. I am sorry for the loss of your relationship. You need to grieve and when ready start moving on. However, in order to succeed you need no contact and to let go of false hope. Whatever you do, do NOT cmber stalk him because it's like shooting yourself in the foot.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by Clio
    It doesn't sound like he has the kind of feelings you wish that he had. At best, he feels guilt and doesn't want to lead you on. It would be best for you to go no contact. Forget about your clothes and donate his. Even if you bump into him, he is no longer the person you remember. His feelings has changed. He has changed. The person you remember does no longer exist. This is also the reason why it's pointless to take seriously whatever he may have said in the past about exes staying friends and what not. I am sorry for the loss of your relationship. You need to grieve and when ready start moving on. However, in order to succeed you need no contact and to let go of false hope. Whatever you do, do NOT cmber stalk him because it's like shooting yourself in the foot.
    I haven't said anything about what I want him to feel.

    I don't know what kind of psychopaths you'd have to date in order for them to change like that.
    Last edited by dumped1; 06-11-2019 at 06:28 AM.


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