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Thread: Why I get insecure after men say they love me?

  1. #1
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    Why I get insecure after men say they love me?

    Hi,
    Ok hereís the problem I seem to get insecure when a man I like (get feelings) tells me they love me. I noticed this after I was getting strong feelings for this guy and he told me he loved me, I was happy and extremely flattered but I suddenly started to become very insecure. I started to become slightly different, a bit more needy which was not me and Iím not a needy person. I think thatís one of the reasons he liked me because I wasnít clingy. Why is this? What can I do? Do I need to work more on loving myself more? Am I scared that they will stop loving me? Has anyone else felt like this? Thanks in advance x

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    In the past, when a man says he loves you and you get clingy, what typically happens after that?

  3. #3
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Just remember not to become needy and clingy otherwise you'll chase him away. In the beginning, try not to focus on infatuation. In order not to feel insecure, back off and remain respectful. Exercise self control. Don't bombard him with texts, messages, emails, phone calls, comments on his social media and men tend to love it when you have a life of your own outside your relationship with him. Learn to be independent. Then it will become a habit and you will feel secure within your own skin.

    He won't stop loving you if you treat him the way you would want to be treated. Be considerate. Loving yourself is a form of self security, too. Practice changing for the better and you will be ok!

  4. #4
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    This problem tends to stem from people, conscious of it or not, who feel they are undeserving of love and can't process or embrace when good things happen to them. And yes, it often traces back to the idea that if you don't love yourself, how could anyone else.

    Believe it or not it tends to be a form of narcissism, in that your focus is too internal and and the external feedback just doesn't compute.

    Therapy would help you figure out these tendancies and exercises you could utilize to minimize or erase them. I'd highly suggest you give it a try.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    How long is this relationship? It could be your BS meter going off

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    >>Just remember not to become needy and clingy otherwise you'll chase him away. <<

    Perhaps that is what the OP subconsciously wants.

    OP, my thinking is when a man reveals his love for you, you don't trust it.

    You don't believe it because again, on a subconscious level, you don't believe you're deserving of it. So either he is lying, some sort of "player" or there is something "wrong" w him because in your mind a high quality man with purpose, strength and confidence would never love you.

    So you become insecure, and as such, needy and clingy.

    When a man doesn't love you, this is something you can trust, and therefore not insecure about.

    I am not a shrink but have read a lot about various subconscious fears and anxieties that seem to occur when one either develops feelings themselves or when someone reveals their strong feelings, such as love, to them.

    It's essentially a self-esteem issue.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-09-2019 at 11:48 PM.

  8. #7
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    Iím sensing itís not actually when they tell you they love you but when you start to feel like you love them?

    I think you start to feel vulnerable when you realise if you lost them you would be hurt?
    And you subconsciously start to sabotage the relationship by be being needy and clingy.
    You suddenly feel like you need constant verification that they do actually love you?

    Does any of that ring a bell??

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make sure you are dating a while and have the exclusive talk before having sex and getting attached. Take your time getting to know someone. Pace yourself.
    Originally Posted by Cinderella000
    I seem to get insecure when a man I like (get feelings) tells me they love me. I noticed this after I was getting strong feelings for this guy and he told me he loved me

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Usually, that makes a person happy. Ask a counselor.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Maybe you think you don't really deserve it.

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