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Thread: He says he will end his long distance relationship, but will he?

  1. #21
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    My best guess is that he’s using you as a pawn in his relationship.

    He can say all the bad things he wants about her - but the reality is that they’ve been together 2 years, she’s close with his family and they were planning to move in together in August. He asked her to be exclusive and she said “no”.

    This excuse of wanting you to meet his family first in case she says bad things about him is weak. If you want to break up with someone, you break up with them. Particularly if they are making plans, hiring movers, etc.

    And he’s clearly told her about you and she disapproves...

    The more logical explanation is that he’s trying to push her jealousy buttons to push for an exclusive relationship and you’re just a pawn. He WANTS his family (particularly his sister probably) to say something to her. A family BBQ is great for that. Even better if she sees pictures on Facebook or something.

    In your shoes, I would not play into his game. Tell him to contact you when he’s actually single.

  2. #22
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    You are the sharing type.

    I think the whole thing is bizarre!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-09-2019 at 11:00 PM.

  3. #23
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    “She has a lot of dirt on him and his family is religious.”

    What kind of dirt? And is it the kind of dirt you approve of?
    If she is that vindictive, she will tell them regardless of when he dumps her.

    Sorry but you lost your bargaining power the moment YOU chose to date someone who was already in a relationship.

    He sounds a bit of an idiot tbh.
    Who tells their entire family that he is about to dump his gf while bringing a new one to the table?
    And after that , dump her?

    If I were you I would decline the invite to the bbq and tell him that once he has sorted everything out, dumped his gf AND got over it , then you might be open to hanging out and see what happens IF you are still single then.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Well, at least you know ahead of time that when he's tired of you he'll find your replacement, introduce her to his family and only then will he let you know you're broken up.



    I wouldn't sign up for that.
    Lol! He is a real prize!

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Being generous, the biggest red flag in this whole thing, to my eyes, is that you didn't know he was in an open relationship until you got involved. That right there speaks to the very thing you're frustrated with now that you are involved: his lack of a spine.

    I've gone on dates with people in open relationships. They've been explicit from the get go: I'm in an open thing, he is my primary, everything else is secondary. All that before the first drink is ordered. Not quite my thing—though in one case it was a great way for a little fling—but I totally respected their honesty.

    He's been sideways from the start, and is sideways now. Everything about his story is sideways, beginning with this idea that being "open" was something that, like, kinda sorta just "happened" to him. Something she did. No. Maybe she is the one who proposed it, and maybe he had reservations, but he is an adult who agreed to it. If he wants to end it—because it's not for him, because he's met someone—he is an adult who can make that choice.

    What's he showing you? That he is an adult who cannot make hard choices, but instead prefers others to make them for him: his girlfriend, his family, you, anyone but, you know, him. That's weak character. Or, you could say, a weak magnet.

    You repeatedly say that open isn't for you, except you've been doing it. You have spent two months as the secondary in an open relationship between two people. That is fact. I'd accept that fact now—and accept that it's not a fact you want to keep as your truth—and let him know that, while you care about him and would like to see where it goes, you'd like to do all that once he has sorted this out.

    That way you get to preserve the good—and the potential of more good—without being a character in a drama of three (or many more, given that he's still got the puppet-master hand of the family wiggling around where other adults have developed spines). I know that's a hard choice right now, but I think that making it will reaffirm for you the strength of your own spine and give you clearer eyes about this whole thing.

  7. #26
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Open relationships are a red flag.

    Him having a girlfriend is a red flag.

    How many red flags/dealbreakers do you need to see before you see the light and find a man who's actually available?

    You sound like the other women who gets lied to perpetually by her married, cheating man, "I'm going to leave my wife".........and it never happens.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Oblivionsky
    I am not really twisting his arm. I told him that I would quietly exit his life, being in an open relationship does not fit my needs. I keep asking him if he's sure, that I can just leave. I id not know when we started dating that he was in an open relationship.

    The reason im ok with him just dumping her is because they have hardly spent any time together and she has 2 backup boyfriends. I do not feel bad about taking the third. She has others to fall back on. Not to mention, an open relationship isn't what he wanted. She is kinda railroading him.

    Red flag right here, OP: "I did not know when we started dating that he was in an open relationship"

    Your guy has already demonstrated a clear willingness to deceive you by initially hiding the fact that he's in an open relationship. This already shows you that he can't be trusted. Which explains perfectly why you have the question that you do, the one that you began this entire thread with: "he says he will end his long distance relationship, but will he really?"

    Well, he's deceived you before, so what exactly would stop him from deceiving you again? He seems to be perfectly fine with telling you whatever it is you want to hear, all the while doing whatever it is that suits himself.

  9. #28
    Member Oblivionsky's Avatar
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    You guys are right. I set a note on my phone for two days after I meet his family, so next Wednesday. If nothing has changed, I will walk away. Thank you everyone for your advice. Im giving him that long because thats when he said he would do it. One week is worth losing my heart for if its true.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's simply playing both of you under the bs term "open relationship". You are a pawn to assuage his parents.
    Originally Posted by Oblivionsky
    he has a long distance gf two states over.
    Him and her, had an open relationship and his family disaproved of it.
    She was originally supposed to move in with him in August, but when he met me, he told her that it was no longer possible.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    He says he will end his long distance relationship, but will he?

    The guy is shady and is constantly stick handling around the issues in your relationship. It’s worse than a politician for goodness sakes. This is who he is and if you stay with him you are setting yourself up for a lot more of this sort of thing OP.

    The beginning of a relationship is the most important part of building a solid foundation... how can anyone build that with someone that isn’t honest from the start?

    I dated someone like that a few years ago... we had great chemistry and he was pretty convincing.... after a couple of months I started seeing cracks in the armour... they were probably always there but it took that long for my blinders to fall off. It took me seeing sexy texts with his ex to finally end it.

    I honestly don’t think your BF will end it with his GF... he will just go underground with it and hide it like he has since day one.

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