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Thread: Im not sure if heís interested but scared to ask?

  1. #1

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    Im not sure if heís interested but scared to ask?

    I know people on here hate questions like this so sorry (oops) but Iíve pretty much been smitten for about 7 months now, itís driving me insane.

    Basically, Iím 24, heís 26. Heís really shy, Iím pretty shy but have my moments when I want to. We work together (I know, I know, but Iím not sure any amount of Ďdont date at workí will stop me wanting to.

    Anyway, Iím not sure if heís interested as he gives majorly mixed signals. One minute heís making jokes (not sure if itís relevant but sometimes sexual jokes) which everyone else tells me heís not like that with them and the next, nothing. I catch him looking at me across the room more often than not and from what i can gather, he appears interested. Some days heís really cheery and gives me a happy Hi when he sees me and others a really small half smile. Guy has me confused but thereís something about him I just adore. I feel like such a child and I get that I should just ask but Iím scared of making things awkward.

    Any advice is helpful, please hold back on negativity. Im only asking for advice, not a fix! ☺️

  2. #2
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    I know you probably already thought about this but if you donít ask youíll never know, you canít read minds and neither can he, if youíre too scared to ask him in person then if you have his number send a text or call him and ask. Maybe start off a normal conversation and try to find a way to bring it up. Have you ever hang out with him in person? How does he act towards you outside of work?? Iím assuming you already really like this guy and you need to know where his head is at and what heís expecting from you. Are you just a work buddy? Or is he just looking for someone to have sex with? (no offense, but you said he makes sexual jokes towards you that may be his only intentions)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Are you certain he is single? How much do you really know about this man?

    If you want to play with the work fire, you'll likely get burned. Keep in mind that if you pursue this, there could be a lot of tension and drama in your future. Only you know your maturity level and ability to handle the possible consequences.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's ok to have a crush on a coworker. There are no mixed signals. He is being a friendly coworker. He may be with someone or doesn't date coworkers or is just not into that way. Be friendly and professional, stop staring at him, it's awkward.. Get on dating apps, get out more and meet guys to date that way.
    Originally Posted by Hithere
    Iíve pretty much been smitten for about 7 months now. We work together. Iím not sure if heís interested as he gives majorly mixed signals. I catch him looking at me across the room more often than not and from what i can gather, he appears interested.

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  6. #5
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    I don't believe these questions are hated. It's a level of frustration caused by the many similar types of posts about signals, signs, and eye contact when all it takes is normal human interaction instead of a passive fantasy life of interpretation attempts.

    Whether having a crush or not, or are Wally Workaholic or not, people tend to at least have small talk when at work such as "It's busy today, what's the deal with that", "Lakers fan? Can you believe they now got Davis?", "Whoa, it's finally warm, can't wait to get out this weekend." And if joking, then joke back to develop banter. From any of this simple stuff, if people relate or want to talk, a natural conversation builds over time and things can move forward.

    You're not at the grocery store seeing someone who makes your loins boil but only have one second to think of a snappy line to say. You have plenty of time to see if you relate.

  7. #6
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    Ask him if he wants to grab a drink after work or a coffee. Make it a casual invitation (something like "hey, such&such has a great drink special tonight, want to go after work?") and then see how it goes! It will be easier to read him when you are one-on-one. Just don't get sloshed and do something regrettable...

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    The real test of whether they like you or not is to watch their actions. Unless he asks for you number and/or a date, you may never know.

    Talk is cheap but actions scream.

  9. #8
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    My husband used to be really shy. We originally met at work in our 20s and it took him months to ask me out for lunch. The only signal that counts in dating is if the person asks you out on a date. No other signals are relevant to dating. They might be relevant to sexual attraction or relevant to wanting an ego boost or enjoying flirting but if someone wants to date you and is available to date including emotionally he will ask you out on a date even if he is shy and especially if he's comfortable making sexual jokes! That doesn't sound shy to me at all.

    He might not be available because of work though -he might have decided not to date anyone he works with.

    There was a guy at work many years ago -we were both interns in our 20s -who majorly flirted with me and loved being the center of attention. So I asked him to have lunch with me. At lunch he acted awkward, quiet and mentioned his girlfriend for the first time if I remember correctly. So he was interested in flirting and probably thought I was cute. He was not interested in dating me.

  10. #9
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    I love questions like this because the answer is quite easy and obvious. Following through on the advice isn't... but we aren't the ones who have to follow it through, you are :P

    I agree with Batya33. He hasn't asked you out, so there are no signals to read. He may not have even considered dating you. What exactly makes you think he's shy?

    Anyway. I don't see the harm in asking him out - things are already awkward for you at work because of your crush. Be bold. If he says no, you can work on focusing your energy elsewhere. If he says yes you can see where things go from there.

    Just remember, even though you've worked together for a while, you really don't know this person. Pretend like you just met. The inflated version of him you have in your head isn't going to line up in reality.

  11. #10
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    Yeah ask him out for a casual drink or bite to eat, nothing heavy.

    Gauge his reaction and how he interacts with you while out (assuming he says yes to your invite).

    I would NOT ask him how he feels or go blurting out "I really like you, do you like me"? Or anything of the like.

    Please do not do this, it's extremely awkward, simply ask him for a drink and gauge his actions while out.

    Be mindful that he may only want sex though (his sex jokes kinda gave it away), so play it cautious and smart and maintain your boundaries.

    Unless of course you want to have sex with him and if that's the case, that's fine but don't expect it to go further.

    I mean, it might, just don't expect it.


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