Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 40

Thread: Strong mutual attraction and a jealous girlfriend

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,058
    Originally Posted by Sense42
    Correction, he tried to kiss me. It took me by surprise. I wasn't actively involved or expecting it. I've never even tried to touch his hand. I've initiated nothing, yet you're trying to make me feel guilty.

    An affair, emotional or otherwise, is about active engagement. We never talked about what we are to each other. He never said he was in love with me, I never said that I'm in love with him. You are trying to make me feel guilty about something that didn't happen the way you imagined it. It's a mutual crush, not an emotional affair. That's blowing things way out of proportion for the sake of drama and nothing else.

    Nothing about this is wishful thinking.

    But I'm starting to think something about this situation right here is bullying.
    I've been through that all through grade school, middle school, AND high school. I know what bullying looks like, and it doesn't work on me.
    You haven't responded to what I wrote before (perhaps deliberately), but you have a front row view of how he behaves while in an allegedly committed relationship.

    I doubt you'd be all that forgiving or understanding if you were the girlfriend and you found out he attempted to kiss another woman. What you see him doing now could very likely be your future with him if things progress the way you're hoping they do.

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    16
    Gender
    Female
    All of the links on emotional affairs focus on:
    a) marriages
    b) only the side of the person who is actually in a relationship - so whatever he is doing on his end in his relationship, which is something I have no knowledge of, so I have no idea how much of it is happening.

    I can say this much, though:
    1) We're not friends. He wouldn't describe us as friends. I wouldn't describe us as friends. We don't interact enough to have formed what could be called a friendship.
    2) We don't share intimate details and our conversations rarely get that personal.
    3) We hardly ever talk online, and if we do, it's not about anything too personal, either.
    4) We don't text.
    5) He doesn't need to keep our interactions a secret since we don't meet secretly.
    6) We actually spend very little time together.

    I'm basing my replies on:
    1) [Register to see the link]
    2) [Register to see the link]
    3) [Register to see the link]

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,699
    Gender
    Female
    Replace the word "marriage" with "committed relationship"

    "Only the side that is actually in a relationship" so you wash your hands of it as if you are not involved in one?

    You mention not being "friends" so therefore it doesn't apply to you and him?

    ... and so on and so forth.

    Okay, I'll put it to you this way, lets sum it up: HE is having an emotional affair or at the very least acting like a douche by stringing you along and trying to kiss you when he is in a committed relationship. You don't want to put an end to it so it will go on and he will continue to bask in your admiration and get happy pants from the sexual attraction and "chemistry" you say the two of you have and you'll be confused and pining away, missing out on any good guy who takes you out on a date who you may have chemistry with if you didn't have taken guy renting space in your brain for free.

    Go at it girl if that is your jam. I'll bow out now but before I go I'll just say:

    Do your best to get over your infatuation of a guy that tried to get you to help him cheat ( he tried to kiss you) because you deserve to be with a guy that is better than that. You've already been cheated on once so why wait around for someone you know would cheat if the chick he is attracted to would have allowed it.

    Zero contact is the way to go, keep yourself away from him one-on-one, befriend his girlfriend so that she is real to you and stop analyzing their relationship. Like I said, you deserve better than pining away for someone you barely know (who you proclaim to not even be friends with) with whom you share a bit of chemistry with.

    Be well and I'm sorry if you felt bullied... it certainly was not my intention.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    16
    Gender
    Female
    I know what limerence is. Of course I am in limerence. It's the very definition of attraction. Intense romantic desire. Falling for someone, hard. It's what happens when you feel something for someone. Am I supposed to be ashamed of that too, now?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    16
    Gender
    Female
    So what? I'm getting crap for having feelings for someone all day since I first posted this topic, but now it's all "oh, you're too good for that" when just minutes ago, I was some sort of amoral, horrible person who couldn't possibly redeemed and didn't deserve the good things in life. Crazy thought, but what if he actually likes me, like a real genuine emotion that is not all about sex or any dissatisfaction with his current relationship? What if it's a separate thing? What if we're talking about subtly nuanced human beings here and not statistics? About actual grey areas that can't be categorized or put into neat little drawers of good and evil? Anything is possible. That's a fact of life. And I did NOT help him cheat by having a delayed reaction when he took me by surprise. Next thing you're going to tell me that it was all my fault because I dress too provocatively.

    And what is telling you that he would cheat on me in the future? You can't make everything a rule just because you want to invalidate someone's feelings so badly and force somebody else's situation to fit into your own very specific worldview. That's like, I don't know, putting someone else down so you can feel better about yourself. Like wanting to be right just for the sake of being right. That's no longer about actually helping somebody. I appreciate that you said it wasn't your intention to bully. Still comes across that way, though.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    16
    Gender
    Female
    There's also a lot of switching sides here. First it's my fault, then it's his fault, then it's mine again, and so on. I didn't come here to find fault. Just to find an answer to my question of how I should act in the PRESENCE of these two people. Needless to say, I don't have an answer to that, now, so I might as well rely on my intuition, which I still trust, by the way, even if strangers online don't. Well, tough luck, you haven't met my intuition. It's actually quite a decent one - and hey, at least I learned that I will just trust it from now on instead of asking for advice in this forum. Either way, I will be happy with my choice.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,849
    Gender
    Male
    He has a gf. He's telling her "you are just a friend". Don't be a cheap side thrill for him. Get on dating apps and find your own bf.
    Originally Posted by Sense42
    He, however, has a girlfriend.
    Since then, she has signed up for the same activities as he does whenever there is a chance that I might also be there, and most recently, she sent me a friend request on social media.

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    16
    Gender
    Female
    Phew, again, everybody cherry picks.

    Look, I've come to a conclusion.
    I am going to stay away from him. There is nothing else I can do at this point in time.
    Polite distance, very little contact, keep on going on dates, got it.
    It's just very hard for me. And not a soul in this forum acknowledges that or even pretends to care.

    And I'm not going on dating apps. Those suck big time and everybody knows it. I'm going to actually meet people the old-fashioned way in real life.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,849
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately so does trying to date guys who already have gfs
    Originally Posted by Sense42
    And I'm not going on dating apps. Those suck big time and everybody knows it.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,058
    Doing the right thing is often hard. But always worthwhile.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •