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Thread: Issues with mother in law

  1. #1
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    Issues with mother in law

    So my partner and I have been together for a while now. He had a friend in high school who started crossing her boundaries when we got together: she wanted to throw a birthday party for him and got upset when his mom told him I was then had his mom invite her to the family birthday gathering for him, she would play nice in front of his family and him and then be rude to me when it was just us, she would call and text whenever, she would show up to his house whenever just to spend time with his mom. After he cut off the friendship, he told her to remove his mom off social media and to not contact her anymore and she said she wouldn't. A month goes by, and she still has his mom on social media then adds his younger sister on social media. My partner tells his mom and sister to remove her off of social media and the mom says "No, she's my friend get over it." His mom and sister are aware that this "friend" has disrespected both of us, (there's more issues that I don't want to bore with telling), but his sister is 15 years old and this friend is 23 years old and she shows up to his family's home now to hang out with his mom and sister and now is showing up to family gatherings and gatherings that his little sister has with her friends. I'm not really sure how to go about having a relationship with his mom anymore because this bothers me a lot, and it bothered my partner too, now to the point where even they don't have much of a relationship. We haven't seen the family since Easter, but I am just not comfortable with welcoming her into my home or being around either of them. I know it sounds silly, but I feel like family should come before friends and they don't show this with their behavior.


    I just need advice on what to do because this has been an ongoing issue since last summer.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you're calling her your mother-in-law, since you're not married.

    I think there's a lot of people in this story who are over-stepping their boundaries. Your boyfriend tells the girl to remove his mom from social media. Then he tells his sister to remove her from social media. And then YOU say you're not comfortable having them in your home because family should come before friends.

    You are NOT family. You are the current girlfriend of their son. The mother and sister are within their rights to befriend anyone they want.

    If you don't want to be around this woman, then don't attend gatherings where she will be. Nobody has the right to dictate whom someone can be friends with.

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    I agree. You don't have to invite this friend into your home or be friendly on social media. Your relationship with your boyfriend's mom should be one that is polite and respectful. If she is not respectful to you while in your home then you can choose to ask her to leave depending on what it is or not have her at your home again. If it is also your boyfriend's home he should ask his mother to treat you with respect and be polite when she is in your home.

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    I donít think I said anywhere he was my boyfriend as we are married. Sorry if i used that word anywhere and made it confusing. Even so, before when we were just dating his family would refer to me as a daughter in law. I understand your point, but isnít it wrong that he has told his mom and sister them being friends with her hurts him since they donít want to remove her from their lives to not ďhurt her feelingsĒ but itís okay for them to hurt us by not having the respect to just not be friends with her? It ridiculous I feel this way, and Iím just trying to find a way to get over it and be able to try to fix the relationships between all of us.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I've never heard a woman refer to her husband as her 'partner' before. Thanks for clarifying.

    My opinion is the same. How would you feel if your mother in law asked you to delete your best friend from social media because she (MIL) didn't like her? You simply can't dictate who can be friends with whom. Your mother in law probably doesn't feel it's disrespectful to you or your husband to talk to this woman. Maybe they have a lot in common. Maybe she just enjoys her company.

    The only way for you to get over it is to get over it. If you're confident in your husband's love for you, then this woman should mean nothing to you. Don't let her get under your skin.

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    Youíre right. Itís just something difficult because I just feel she had preferred the friend to be with her son rather than me and showed more kindness to her than to me, she invites this friend to gatherings and into her home but hasnít made an effort for us to be involved in anything. Itís just a difficult situation. Thank you for your advice.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    My guess is that when you're around your MIL, you give off a negative vibe because of the other woman. People can sense that kind of insecurity. I'll bet you that if from now on, when you see her, you smile and act cheery and carry on interesting conversations, you'll see her attitude towards you change.

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    Originally Posted by amnestyaller
    Youíre right. Itís just something difficult because I just feel she had preferred the friend to be with her son rather than me and showed more kindness to her than to me, she invites this friend to gatherings and into her home but hasnít made an effort for us to be involved in anything. Itís just a difficult situation. Thank you for your advice.
    Yes, I guessed that too. But it shouldn't matter because all that matters is whether you trust your boyfriend, not whether his mother is trying to convince him to be with this other woman.

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    Itís actually the opposite, Iím very respectful and kind to her. Iíve tried to start conversations with her, but sheís very stand offish with me and the only conversation we have is how Iím going to be graduating college soon. When Iím in her home, I help cook and clean up but ever since she knows how we feel about this friend, sheís very cold with me and makes comments about how Iíve taken her son from him. And before his sister became friends with the girl, she was nice to me but now whenever I come around itís just a ďhiĒ and then I donít exist. I brush it off as a joke with the mom, but those comments hurt my feelings since I do know they arenít jokes, and Iíve never done anything to be rude to her or her family. But Iíll definitely continue being the way I am with her and try to be even more cheery around her.

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    You're right, and I have no worries in regards to my relationship at all. Itís just with his mom, Iím trying to move on and rebuild it between his mom and I, and him and his mom. But he gets hurt as well when he sees his mom inviting this person to gatherings and we donít get an invitation, he feels like his mom has chosen this friend over him and would rather have friendship with this person than have a relationship with her son.

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