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Thread: Troubles

  1. #1

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    Troubles

    Me and my girlfriend have been datinging for 2 and a half years. In two months I move 8 hours away for college. I'm nervous yet really excited. We've always been really supportive of each other; she used to be really depressive and not in a good place and I helped her through that a lot. Recently she said just as an off hand comment that we seemed to be growing distant. As I thought about it, I started to realize that she was the one changing. Instead of us hanging out a lot she's now going out with her friends all the time, doing things that used to be"our" thing. She's growing distant, and it's so painful to see. I know it's just corny but I love her and thought she was the one. After one of our fights (nothing major) she said that if we didn't stop fighting so much before I left then she thought we should break up. That coupled with the fact that she's growing really distant and seems to be losing interest leads me to wonder if we should just end things now. I couldn't bring myself to be the one to say that tho. I just don't know what to do

  2. #2
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    LDR's (long distance relationships) rarely succeed. 8 hours apart is very far apart. It is an inconvenient hassle and expensive to travel back and forth to see one another. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence drifts two people apart. People lose interest in you when you don't see each other often anymore. Accept this reality check.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you mind talking about what your fights prior were about? Without knowing what the doubts or issues are between the both of you, it's difficult to understand where she's coming from or how better to understand your situation. It could be many things: her protecting herself emotionally and bracing for your move away, her genuinely disliking or having misgivings about the relationship, her growing in a different way incompatible with you etc. The possibilities are endless as are the combinations of either/or/and.

    Have you tried speaking to her about it and having a heart to heart chat? I don't think there's anything you can do to change someone who's given up or not interested in a future with you but it may shed some light and help you heal and move forward with a much lighter heart in the end.

  4. #4

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    I don't think that the subject of our fights was the issue, and honestly I don't even remember what the were about. She was more focused on the fact that she thinks we fight to much and that neither of us change anything. I don't think we fight that often, any more than any other couple

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She is unenthusiastic to continue, suggests to break up, grew distant and lost interest. She's already proceeding to move on as should you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's getting healthier. LDRs are very difficult. Don't sign up for that. She wants to be freer and you should as well. Just end it and leave yourself room for your new campus life.
    Originally Posted by rampart3
    she used to be really depressive. she's now going out with her friends all the time, doing things that used to be"our" thing.

  8. #7
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    It seems she may be processing your leaving, making sure she has her friend group reestablished and processing you out. You won't be around. She may also be growing out of the relationship. Had you planned to try LDR? I'm not sure you can expect that she or you won't meet someone and decide to give it a try. Talking it out will help; decide together how you want to proceed - open relationship, try LDR for a quarter?

  9. #8

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    Then you all for your responses. This was my first post here and it felt really good to finally tell someone and receive helpful advice. We had planned on just having an ldr but idk now, I'll have a talk with her and we'll hopefully figure something out

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Mentioning breaking up means she's not afraid of that prospect, since she knew you could've jumped on that statement and taken her up on her offer. It's not uncommon for people to outgrow relationships that start in one's late teens, as people experience so much evolution during that time while moving into their twenties.

    When you are both in a mellow mood, have an in depth discussion to find out how she wants to proceed. Know that it's also okay for you to have reasonable expectations on how much effort she puts into the relationship. If you stay together and she's not meeting your needs, as much as it pains you, you should cut the cord. Loving someone is only one ingredient in a match. If you're not a priority, it's best for you to begin the new adventure in your life solo.

  11. #10
    Member PerkyGreek's Avatar
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    Take these peoplesí advice, rampart3, it is really hard to maintain a relationship from 8 hours away. You cannot be there for her and someone will. There is nothing you can do about that. A screen will not do when you need a warm hug or you are sick. Consider breaking up, focus on your studies and do well, and find a good job matching your training. Somewhere along the way you might find a woman you can spend the rest of your life with. It may also turn out that your gf might still be available at that time. But either way, you have to do what you gotta do first.

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