Has anyone here not date for awhile due to financial reasons?

Times get lonely and I feel depressed at times not having a partner but I know I’m not financially ready to date since I’m still living at home at 30 and paying rent here, have an old car but already paid off, some debts to pay off etc..

Has anyone ever had this situation where they didn’t date for awhile until they got their financial problems sorted out? I have these dating apps and my last date was terrible due to her talking about my car and why I’m still living at home. Then there’s this woman that I was chatting with a few days ago who insisted we should get dinner tonight.

My goal is to pay off my debts, get my own place, and upgrade my car to a newer model since it’s already on its last leg. My self esteem and confidence is at an all time low right now due to still living at home & having an old car but I just miss that feeling of having a partner. I miss it so much that I still reminisce about what me and my ex-gf of 4 years had.

When I take women out on dates, I’m not cheap either. It’s always a nice dinner somewhere with a nice view & drinks and walking downtown for the views and a good time. How do I stop thinking about dating for now?

... you’re your own problem. Why the nice dates?

But yes. You will have more success if your life is in order.

You should be focusing on your debt, a second job, and expanding your education for a higher paying job.

Either wait for the right woman who understands your (hopefully temporary) circumstances OR get your personal life in order first. Know you'll have more to offer financially in your future relationship. That's life, the dating world and reality of your situation.

Maybe this will provide you with a new perspective on your situation:

A friend of mine owned an old second-hand car for a while whilst having a long-term partner.

Someone else didn't drive, yet had a long-term partner as well.

Another person I met was in debt and still managed to have a long-term partner too.

I've also met low income earners with partners.

The list goes on.

You stated that your self-esteem is at an all time low right now. Therefore, it seems to me that you are looking for a partner to fill a void. That's not an attractive quality at all.

What is attractive? A positive mindset. That despite the struggles you are (temporarily) facing, you are interesting, fun, etc. Is there anything in your life that's exciting? If the answers is no, then find a hobby or something.

Also, a date isn't suitable if they focus solely on your old car, your debt and whatnot. A suitable date will appreciate the fact that you own an old car to save money and to pay off your debt.

Who the hell in todays world 'isn't' in debt...!?

The right woman would love you for your kindness and strength, not the size of your wallet and house....

Find the right girl and grow together*

And when I say 'find', yes it's a numbers game... I got 40 no's before I got a yes :)

Carus*

Yes I have avoided dating because of my financial situation but in the end I realised that my value isn't based on material things but character. Work hard to improve your situation and better your self esteem. If you feel like a loser because of your situation that will translate to whoever you meet. Start some hobbies, see friends, take a second job/do overtime to pay off your debts quicker. Do you have a time line to pay off debts and get your own place? If you can demonstrate that you are working hard to be debt free and put in a lot of work to do so that shows good character. Your car may be old but you own it outright. Most people with flash cars are on finance.

The date who picked at you for living at home and having an old car (unless your insecurities coloured your perception of her response) was just rude. The one who insisted on a fancy meal, sure if she is so desperate to go to a fancy place, she won't mind paying right?

Date people who are frugal/trying to save and stop going on expensive dates. Go on free/very cheap ones.

Why not solve the main problems and the minor ones will solve themselves. Instead of living with mom and dad, get a place, any place. Start today looking for affordable housing. A house share, roommates, anything but mom and dad.

Start working part time. You don't have to be debt free to live like a grown up.You can live modestly and drive a modest car and still have an affordable lifestyle. Start by managing finances better and resolve the issues that got you in debt in the first place. Once you have your life together it doesn't matter if the dates are just coffee and a walk. You'll get more respect when you live on your own two feet.

Start selling off stuff, get a less expensive phone, etc. Unfortunately yes, women will be put off by a 30 y/o who lives at home, can't manage money and drives a beater. That's life but you can fix that.

I’m still living at home at 30 and paying rent here, have an old car but already paid off, some debts to pay off etc..

 

I have these dating apps and my last date was terrible due to her talking about my car and why I’m still living at home.

You are paying rent so why not pay that rent elsewhere?

Since you do still live at home and your debts are not related to assets (home, car like most peoples are) what has got you into debt?

Are you currently spending less than your income?

I would for now plan first meets that involve meeting for a walk or indoors at a free museum kind of place or walking around an outdoor festival. Explain simply and confidently "right now meeting for a meal is not in my budget" and if the person pries then you know that person either is focused on $ or perhaps simply wants someone who is financially stable right now which is totally understandable. No, I would not have met you right then because at that age when I was single I was financially stable, lived independently, and wanted someone who had the same situation (even if very temporarily unemployed) since I was dating for the purpose of marriage and family. Someone who, like you, is not financially stable and/or is financially stable but would enjoy or be ok with being the sole or main provider might be totally fine with your situation.

I do not think meeting for dinner on a first meet is a great idea anyway -too much time to spend with someone you might not click with at all and gets too expensive especially if she's wanting you to treat for a first meet. Good luck!

I'd add that if it's important for you to be independent/financially stable take those steps towards your goal preferably every single day. And that way if you meet someone you can be specific -when the timing is right - in describing what you are doing to become financially stable and independent.

Focus on making some friends and getting involved in more activities. You said on your day off, you get together with the same individual ,and then go to eat and visit the gym. Good grief! You need to include some hobbies in your life. You will be even more attractive person when your life is more full.

We have all said this to you in your other posts. What are you doing to make your life better? What actions are YOU taking? Stop complaining and take some action.

You are paying rent so why not pay that rent elsewhere?

Since you do still live at home and your debts are not related to assets (home, car like most peoples are) what has got you into debt?

Are you currently spending less than your income?

He pays $700 a month to mom.

The only issues I see as a barrier to dating is attitude and living with mom. Fix those.

You know I'll never understand why people view dating as a right or necessity, its not.

So you miss having a girlfriend, that should push you to try even harder to get your life together...

The only issues I see as a barrier to dating is attitude and living with mom. Fix those.

Totally agree!

He pays $700 a month to mom.

! No wonder OP's in debt.

Can you rent your own place or a house share for that price OP in your area? I could buy a very nice house for that amount each month where I am!

! No wonder OP's in debt.

 

Can you rent your own place or a house share for that price OP in your area? I could buy a very nice house for that amount each month where I am!

That amount is nothing in my area. A one bd. starts at about $2,000

! No wonder OP's in debt.

 

Can you rent your own place or a house share for that price OP in your area? I could buy a very nice house for that amount each month where I am!

$700 a month is nothing in most of North America . I live in a little dump town in a rural area and rent for a 1 bedroom apt is $1000 a month.

I think that if you continue to wait until the "time is right", then you'll be waiting forever.

You don't have to do nice expensive dates. You can do nice cheap dates while you're still learning about who the other person is. Ice cream dates, beach walk dates, park picnic dates, coffee shop dates... etc.

$700 for a room is a bit much. You could look for a studio or 1-bedroom for that, or a room in someone else's house, so at least you're not with Mom.

But if you look at it it is not just for a room. If you eat there, shower there , etc etc etc it adds up. I charge my son to live at home and he is on disability. People HAVE to be responsible for their own lives. Kids are SUPPOSED to grow and be independent not stick at home forever because it is convenient or whatever.

But if you look at it it is not just for a room. If you eat there, shower there , etc etc etc it adds up. I charge my son to live at home and he is on disability. People HAVE to be responsible for their own lives. Kids are SUPPOSED to grow and be independent not stick at home forever because it is convenient or whatever.

In my experience in FL, rooms rent out for a price that includes water, cable, etc. The only "extras" is what you buy for yourself for food to keep in the fridge.

I think that if you continue to wait until the "time is right", then you'll be waiting forever.

 

You don't have to do nice expensive dates. You can do nice cheap dates while you're still learning about who the other person is. Ice cream dates, beach walk dates, park picnic dates, coffee shop dates... etc.

Disagree with the first part but agree with the second.

me personally, if I saw you pull up in a pinto and tell me you still live at home and you treat me to steak and lobster, Im going to assume youre terrible with finances and not a good match.

Thats why I disagree with the first part, there is no 'perfect' time but there definitely is a wrong time. We attract what we put out, someone whos life is in influx has a lot going on, and may only attach others who also dont have their life together, could work out, could be a disaster. Confidence is also a huge factor in dating, if youre insecure about your life, you may project that on your dates, you may latch on believeing theyre the only 'good' thing in your life...its just all bad...

I don't think the car is the issue. when my guy buys a car, he keeps it a minimum of 12 years, the record is 15. I always buy cars that are older. i would be more concerned if it looks like you smack up the car and are a terrible driver or it looks like an ash tray. Lots of people are frugal, and as long as the car is clean - who cares. There are millionaires who drive pretty basic or older cars and they are wealthy due to frugality.

Living with mom is an issue unless you are in an ethnic group where its expected (except college aged, etc). Debt may or may not be depending on what the debt is. If its because of extremely poor choices (gambling, charging a car to your credit card when you had no money) that's one matter. If you have a student loan and medical bills - that's another.

you say that apartments are $2000 + == what about moving to a different area. And i am sure someone has an in-law apartment for less, or if its a trendy area with a lot of young professionals, there is always someone looking to share a house -- one guy owns the house and can't quite afford it now that he is divorced or has a job where he travels a lot and has 1-2 other roommates around the same age. When i looked i was intimidated by high rents, but moving 20 minutes away and finding somene with a multifamily house - i paid half the amount.+

Hi JDMxTeGrA101. I live alone, own a car, and are currently between career assignments. Like you I also get lonely and feel depressed at times. I can say you're doing a lot better than me in the dating department. Even when I was employed I couldn't find a date to save my life. As far as taking my mind off dating, the only advice I can offer is to pursue your hobbies or work on projects. I know easier said than done. Outside of that I spend time with my folks at least once a week to catch up on stuff. Then I occasionally visit friends when they are available. It's also nice to have people to talk to online if you need to vent. As far as your thread subject title, I am purposely not looking for dates right now due to having no income. I think it's great that you're setting goals to better yourself. Right now I'm also in the process of rebuilding my life financially.