Just need to talk

I’m having a very hard time after a break up. I’m really struggling and want to talk.

Please feel free to tell us what's going on.

I’m struggling with panic and I feel sick and can’t eat. I’m shaking all the time

Do you feel comfortable talking about the break up? Sometimes talking about it helps especially if you're on a forum. You should still keep hydrated and drink lots of water. We have all been in distress at some point. Some of the members may be able to help you and your thoughts.

It’s been two weeks and I’m devestated. No chance of getting back together and I’m struggling with the morning depression. The whole relationship he was kind and caring but when he said it was over he was cold and very uncaring about my reaction. I just feel like I’m living in a different world

I'm so sorry to hear this and sorry you are suffering! It does get better each day, promise.

Yes the pain and panic that comes in waves...one min you feel normal, and then bamn another wave hit ya. The first week is always the hardest. By the second week, you start to feel no so bad, but numb. Week three, you start to let go, go out more but things still feel strange, kinda like a hangover. Week 4 it feels like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders, and you are sleeping again, looking forward to going out and doing things for yourself...kinda like a new life/freedom begins.

That sounds tough. How long were you guys together.

People do change over time. Sometimes those changes are unpredictable or we don't see them coming. When a person's feelings change, it can seem sudden. Your hindsight will be 20/20 and once the shock subsides you might be able to see the bigger picture.

I treat all my break ups as a second, third, fourth etc chance at life and greater happiness. I think of it like a cat with nine lives and I'm grateful every time I've lived each one because it all brought me to where I am now. Every time someone shows you that happiness is not achievable in a given situation, you will be shown a different path and that different path may be your golden ticket to a better life or a better way of living your reality, your values, your beliefs or how you wish to live with all the things and people in it that mean most to you.

Eventually you will live to a point where you will know what you need, what you want, how you want it and you will know exactly what to do when you get to that point. All the dots will connect and the web will be complete enough for you to start working on greater things.

Don't give up on that better version of you and that better version of your life. This is just one stepping stone, one of your nine lives lived. Move on and renew yourself.

Thank you, I just want to feel normal

Thank you for your kindness, I hope I can get over this and become stronger

Yes things feel very strange at the moment. Like I’m not existing but everything around me is normal. Thank you for your reply, I hope what you are explaining to me happens for me in time

2 years and we were completely happy until this

What happened exactly? Maybe we can give you better support if you tell us more details..

He said he doesn’t love me anymore but the week before he said he was completely in love. So it’s confusing. I trusted in our love and now I feel shattered and unable to function. I’ve taken some time off work just to cope.

Are you interested in getting professional therapy/help with this? A good therapist can help immensely.

Yes the pain and panic that comes in waves...one min you feel normal, and then bamn another wave hit ya. The first week is always the hardest. By the second week, you start to feel no so bad, but numb. Week three, you start to let go, go out more but things still feel strange, kinda like a hangover. Week 4 it feels like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders, and you are sleeping again, looking forward to going out and doing things for yourself...kinda like a new life/freedom begins.

I mean absolutely no disrespect in saying this, but I feel like it's a liitle dangerous to set anyone up with expectations on how healing from a breakup will go, or especially should go.. People heal at their own rate and how it tends to progress for you isn't going to be so cut and dry for everyone . I just don't want the OP to feel that if things aren't progressing in the way you've laid out that she'll then feel worse, like why isn't this timetable working for me kinda thing.

However, OP, she is correct that with everyday you keep pushing forward is another day of getting this behind you, and no matter how painful and bleak it may seem now (it's really fresh) as long as you keep doing anything you can to move the narrative past this, the quicker you will start finding days of joy once again. Maybe in short spurts at first, but then eventually you'll realize you've gona days without letting her poison your mind and then you slowly come to terms with the elating realization that that control they still have over your self-worth and well-being is shrinking all the time. And one day it's gone and you are free.

Don't ever feel like you're not improving at the rate you 'should be'. The grieving process is different for us all. The important thing is just to allow yourself to accept how you feel and to put what effort you can into helping the process along. Force yourself to get out there, to socialize, and so to speak, just keep on living. Moving forward.

It's still so fresh at the moment though and I assure you that your appetite problems and panic are normal for the harsh transition this entails. It's okay to be lost for now. Just don't let yourself justify staying this way for too long. Picking up the pieces is never fun but it's essential to at least begin as soon as you can. Even if only one at a time.

Lastly, if you continue to feel the need for people to talk to, we are here to help. You cand find a lot of insight from this communicity who have all dealt with very similar situations or worse. And if you feel you need more personable back in forth, please don't write the idea of therapy off. It might be one of the most underrated avenues to helping you in more aspects than you'd ever guess. At the end of the day, that's what they do. The listen and talk with open-mindedness and you might potentially find it very beneficial towards getting this behind you.

Take care and feel free to discuss/vent anything at all.

Give yourself a lot of time. It's only been 2 weeks. In many cases, it takes MONTHS to mourn the loss of "what could've been" regarding your previous relationship.

In the meantime, now is the time to be introspective and look back with retrospect. Hindsight is always 20 / 20. Think long and hard WHY both of you were incompatible, didn't mesh, what you didn't like about personality / character. Learn to accept that some relationships were not meant to be. You can't will your way in this life when it comes to certain people.

Once there is acceptance, you will grow to be at peace with it. Resentment and bitterness will decrease. Even though you can't envision this now, one day you'll grow to appreciate endings because continuing would've been toxic, abnormal and dysfunctional.

You only deserve the best. Anyone who is subpar or mediocre at best is not good enough for you. Aim higher when it comes to high quality people privy to your life.

Focus on your health. There is a definite sound body, sound mind connection.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I do have an appointment for grief counselling so I’m very much wanting to try all avenues to get better.

Thank you for this reply, I do feel it will be a long healing process. Any small gains I make I will count as improvement no matter how small they may be. I have lost a significant amount of weight so I’m focusing on trying to eat food again. People are noticing the significant drop in weight and I’m obviously anxious about the whole world knowing. Thank you for letting me feel safe to talk on this sight.

I hope today is going ok !!

Hi, thanks for your reply. I do have an appointment for grief counselling so I’m very much wanting to try all avenues to get better.

Oh Naomis* - I can feel the pain through your posts and it reminds me of my own dark days last year. It's horrible and I'm so sorry....

I'm glad you're going to get some grief counseling coz that's exactly what it is - grief. Let the counselor know that perhaps you'll address the deeper stuff later but right now you just want to deal with the grief and cope.

Also, if you don't vibe with one counselor, don't be afraid to seek out another one....I say this as someone who IS a counselor and also had a LOT of counseling...

In fact, last year (or somewhere back there in the fog) after one of my numerous suicide attempts I landed in this womans office trembling and shaking and feeling just how you described above...y'know, kinda here but not here...

Anyway, 5 mins into the session her phone rings and she answers it..!! She starts talking to someone about what colour she wants her new fence to be at her house....

Now I'm a pretty patient person but after almost 10 minutes and me coughing and ahem-ing I stood up and really let her have it.....

Kinda funny in hindsight I guess but again my point is don't be afraid to change :)

In the meantime do try and take good care of yourself. Cry when you need to. Sleep and eat the best you can. Stay off the alcohol..! Your body will need good fuel and rest to get through this... Do try to show up for work when you can. Losing your income will make things worse... I'm not sure how I got to work some days but it did give me a reason to actually get out of bed*

Here are also some immediate resourses you can access that will hopefully help:

Videos on this channel -

Breakup Recovery Guide - http://breakuprecoveryguide.com

If you can get a copy of the audio book 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' by Susan Anderson, that was an absolute Godsend to me!

Lastly, just this: Breakups suck. They suck hard and can trigger all sorts of inner stuff that makes some of us react the way we do.... But for now, just breathe. That's all you need to do right now.

Ask yourself what you need to do to get through the day. If that's too much then the next hour...the next 5 mins... Eventually you will start to stabilize and pull up ok....

What you are experiencing is completely normal. You're not the the first and you won't be the last.

You're not Alone.

Sending You Strength*

Carus*

Been there... sorry to hear :/

Yes... grieving will come in waves of diff emotions... the denial, anger, heartache, acceptance.. etc.. Over and over

until after a while it won't feel so heavy and you can breathe better again.

I also went to therapy after a few set backs... it does help if they are understanding.

Good for you for reaching out and looking into some help.

If you find your anxiety is causing sleep loss.. maybe talk to dr about this... as you are having a really tough

time... I was given ativan to take before bed to try & get some sleep.

Maybe find some relaxing bedtime tea's etc.

Always... take care of you

Honey, I am going through the exact same thing. I am about a week in, your appetite will come back once your brain accepts it is done and not coming back. I am finding it so hard to. You have to remain strong. I am struggling to be alone too. But wouldn’t you rather be alone than in the company of somebody who doesn’t want you? That’s what I’m telling myself. Stay strong x