Cheating spouse...to tell or not to tell?

If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover

from it?

My best friend? I would tell her.

I generally have a policy where I try not to get involved - but yes, absolutely I would tell my best friend.

I wouldn’t say “he’s cheating” though. I would simply present whatever evidence I have and let her come to her own conclusions.

How do you know this for a fact?

I would tell her.

Unless you have pictures/video of the spouse in bed with another man/woman, how would you know that he/she is actually cheating?

What leads you to believe they are cheating?

Provided that I had actual evidence: I would either show her the evidence or help her figure out that he's cheating.

How much absolute proof do you have?

If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover

from it?

Of course you tell a best friend! That's without question.

My best friend's husband was cheating on her and yes, it was devastating for her to find out. But she recovered and has now been married to a wonderful man for many years.

She thanked me more than once for telling her and for getting her away from a liar and cheater.

But I agree with the others, you need proof. You can't just go on hearsay or guess. You will have needed to have seen it with your own eyes or have actual proof of some sort, you can't just go and tell her and have nothing to back it up.

I would tell her if I also have solid proof to back it up.

Sometimes infidelity can be overcome. And sometimes it’s best not to even know.

Do you know for sure that your friend is unaware?

I would tread carefully if I was you.

You might be her best friend but he is her husband.

She might be playing the happy wife for all you know?

Or she might be completely unaware and shoot the messenger.

If you do decide to tell her, make sure you have concrete evidence and not just hearsay.

If my friend had suspicion that the spouse was cheating then I certainly would help her to find out the truth. I would not tell them that they were being cheated on though as like I said, without catching them in bed or somewhere necking in public, how could you even be sure? With today's romantic relationship boundaries as lax as they are and overstepping of platonic relationship boundaries, opposite sex friends hanging out one on one doing date like activities, you could be causing a whole lot of trouble for your friend and the relationship over nothing.

If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover

from it?

If you thought they would never recover from it and you went ahead and told them anyway then IMO that would make "you" a cruel and insensitive twit.

I wouldn't get involved. It's their marriage, their problems, not mine. Whatever they do is their business.

I would remain neutral like Switzerland. It's not my place to be a busy body.

I enforce healthy boundaries with my best friend. None of us cross that line. I want to be a friend. However, I refuse to ever delve into anyone's personal, private life which is off limits to me.

Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.

Have you seen him with the supposed other woman . What kind of proof can you present?

Yes, there is solid proof.

If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover

from it?

If she would never recover from it..... That's a tough one. What makes you think she'd never recover?

Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.

If it was my bff and I have solid proof, yes I would tell. Knowing and not telling would be just another form of betrayal by yet another person who they believed is close to them and has their best interests at heart.

That said.....you know your bff better than anyone here and life isn't black and white. I know that the close friends I have would want to know no matter how devastating that would be for them. I already know that they would feel incredibly hurt and betrayed if I knew and stayed silent. I know this in part because over the years, we've talked about these things, the what if's.

So that may be a good starting point for you - maybe raise the topic at large. If your hubby is cheating, would you want to know? Then listen to her point of view. Who knows, she might be astute enough to realize that you are asking because something is up, so it might make it easier for you to disclose what you know and support her in whatever decision she makes about it. I think the most important thing for you is to let her know that no matter what she decides to do or not do, you will be there for her without any judgement.

Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?

Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?

How about you tell him that if he doesn't tell his wife, you will?

Why not ask your friend hypothetically speaking if you knew something harmful about another person's relationship would you tell, or would you want to know.

Yes, talk to the husband, not her.

He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this.

Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?

Are you sure it was him and not a guy who looked like him? I think I would either go to the husband and say he has a choice to tell his wife, or you will.

or you could also say to the friend "its odd, but i was at this restaurant and i swore i saw a guy who looked exactly like your husband." Maybe she already knows and she will volunteer the info. Maybe she doesn't, but if she questions him, it does not put you in the position of your friend thinking you are lying and end the friendship.

If she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, I'm sure she would be upset with you. On the other hand, there are some people who get angry at the person who brings it to their attention--almost like that person is trying to break them up or something. I, personally, would want to know. Just consider that you could be saving your friend from a sexually transmitted disease or from her husband cleaning out the bank accounts and leaving--any number of things that she couldn't protect herself from without that information.

You know your friend. Does she have a 'kill the messenger' mentality? Does she live with her head in the sand? How does she perceive her marriage? Does she believe she is happily married? Will your revelation improve her life or yours? Would she be prepared to divorce him? Do other people know about it? Do you know the woman you saw him with? Did you take a photo of what you saw? Ask yourself these questions then decide the best and least destructive course of action. Have you considered sounding out the situation with a general routine-sounding question such as "how's [husband] doing?"

If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover

from it?

Diana Carolina Chafloque Navas, resulta ser que es una pobre mujer que se dedica a robarle el marido a mujeres de hogar, es una es una vividora, que le gusta sacarles dinero a hombres pendejos para satisfacer sus caprichos…..cuidado con ella señoras…..

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