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Thread: Cheating spouse...to tell or not to tell?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, talk to the husband, not her.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?
    Are you sure it was him and not a guy who looked like him? I think I would either go to the husband and say he has a choice to tell his wife, or you will.
    or you could also say to the friend "its odd, but i was at this restaurant and i swore i saw a guy who looked exactly like your husband." Maybe she already knows and she will volunteer the info. Maybe she doesn't, but if she questions him, it does not put you in the position of your friend thinking you are lying and end the friendship.

  3. #23
    Silver Member MrWallFlower's Avatar
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    If she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, I'm sure she would be upset with you. On the other hand, there are some people who get angry at the person who brings it to their attention--almost like that person is trying to break them up or something. I, personally, would want to know. Just consider that you could be saving your friend from a sexually transmitted disease or from her husband cleaning out the bank accounts and leaving--any number of things that she couldn't protect herself from without that information.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You know your friend. Does she have a 'kill the messenger' mentality? Does she live with her head in the sand? How does she perceive her marriage? Does she believe she is happily married? Will your revelation improve her life or yours? Would she be prepared to divorce him? Do other people know about it? Do you know the woman you saw him with? Did you take a photo of what you saw? Ask yourself these questions then decide the best and least destructive course of action. Have you considered sounding out the situation with a general routine-sounding question such as "how's [husband] doing?"
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover
    from it?

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  6. 06-19-2019, 09:48 PM

  7. #25
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maty67
    Diana Carolina Chafloque Navas, resulta ser que es una pobre mujer que se dedica a robarle el marido a mujeres de hogar, es una es una vividora, que le gusta sacarles dinero a hombres pendejos para satisfacer sus caprichos…..cuidado con ella señoras…..
    Necesitas hablar in inglés

  8. #26
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    If it was my best friend I'd absolutely tell her. However be prepared to not be believed or that she "shoots the messenger". Also, only tell her if you're absolutely sure.

  9. #27
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.
    If I had solid proof I'd tell her. It'd be hard though if she'd be devastated... however, it can also be devastating getting an incurable STD due to trusting your husband and having your health on the line without your knowledge.

  10. #28
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    I really don't understand people who would hide this information because "sometimes it's better not to tell". I don't believe in living in a lie regarding one of the most important/sensitive social connections a person can have (a committed romantic relationship). I've even seen people state that cheating doesn't matter as long as the partner doesn't find out. In my opinion that's ridiculous and I wouldn't even be able to become superficial friends with them and hopefully I'll never date such a person.

    That being said, I believe in being a morally good person. Cheating isn't morally correct and thus this situation must be changed into what is morally correct. You knowing it and not telling is also betrayal in my opinion. As others have suggested, I'd tell the husband first and listen to his explanation. I'd also be extremely careful not to get manipulated, I believe there's a high correlation between cheating and lying in general. A person that cheats is great at lying or choosing not to share that information (which is also lying). So, I'd tell him what I saw. Listen to his reaction and if he admits to cheating I'd tell him he has to share it with your friend otherwise I'd do it. If he doesn't admit it I'd ask him if his wife knows. No matter the response I'd subtly tell your friend what you saw: "I accidentally ran into *husband* a while back in a fine dining restaurant. I didn't speak to him but I wondered if you know he went there and with whom?"

    Good luck, you'll be doing the ethical thing by telling your friend.

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